My Dh and I have been struggling with whether or not to tell our child( once we concieve one) that he/she was concieved by donor sperm. Before we were allowed to go forward with our treatment we had to meet with a shrink and she had to approve us. During our meeting she stressed over and over again that we should tell the child. DH and I left there thinking ok, we will tell, then we thought about it more and decided not to. But the question still ways heavy on our minds so I did some research and found a article on http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/903564. After ready this article DH and I thought that it would be the best thing for everyone involved to tell the truth. I know that there are a few of you on this board that are using Donor sperm that should read this article. I am not trying to tell anyone what to do, don't get me wrong, if you choose not to tell that is your decision but I thought that if there was anyone out there that was in limbo like we were then this might help.
Stephaine we are using donor sperm and also had to have a meeting with a shrink before.The shrink asked as well if we would tell the child and we said no.Our shrink dident push us in any way to change our minds said that was our choice to make.Now she did say that we better make sure other people dont know and somehow later on the child finds out from another person.Then that would not be good.I just feel that its our right not to tell people and not to tell the child.I honeslty think it would cause more damage then good.I think if I was conceived by donor I wouldent want my parents to tell me.Why cause the man who raised me all these years who I called dada wasent really my dad I think I would then wonder where I came from.
People in this world are cruel and might treat the child differently.Especially family u just never know.Well at least maybe his family cause they will know its not their sons child there might be different treatment toward my child.Its crazy not everyone is understanding cause if u dont go through it u wont know.
I am sorry, I was not trying to say that not telling the child is wrong, I just wanted to share the article that I found. I am sure that when dealing with a situation like this there is no right or wrong way to handle it you just do the best you can. Really I did not mean to upset you or anyone else using donor sperm I just thought the article would be helpfull for anyone who was trying to decide
No sweetie u did not offend me in any way.I was just giving my opinion on the matter.Of course everyone has their own opinion and will do what they want.I dont judge anyone.Thanks for sharing I do really appreciate it.But also DH doesnt want people knowing and I can understand that makes him feel less of a man thats how he looks at it and some people might look at him that way.Like I have said its a cruel world out there.
DW and I are using donor as well. We have talked at lenght about this (once she actually gets pregnant) we will record a video and keep it in a safe deposit box. In it, we would basically speak our minds and be honest about why we did what we did.
We will definately tell them, but only when both of us are in total agreement that they are mature enough to handle it. Or if the ask, we will tell the truth.
That is a really good idea with the video thing. My DH and I decided to tell him/her how he/she was concieved we just didn't know how or when. We have taken pictures of the IUI( nothing that shows anything ) and of the RE's to maybe make a scrapebook or something on how he/she came about. And our Shrink gave us some books that we could buy to read to the child that will make them understand aswell and to better help us tell them. Anyway, I am glad that we are not the only ones planning on sharing, I am a little worried but I really do feel like it will be fine