darkwater

Hello, everyone. I have been lurking around this board for months, since it is slowly becoming apparent to me that I am going to need some medical intervention in my quest to achieve a pregnancy. You guys seem like a knowledgeable bunch, so I am hoping for some advice about my options. I am sorry if this gets long, but this is my story:

My ob/gyn recently sent me to a reproductive endocrinologist. The ob/gyn did not even want to do some basic tests or procedures to test my hormone levels, as soon as he reviewed my entire medical story, it was just go to the RE, go directly to the RE, I have my hands full dealing with straightforward pregnancies, and yours, if we can even get you pregnant, would be anything but straightforward. At your age, you don't have time to fool with me or anyone except someone who deals with this stuff every day and can offer you the whole range of services. And don't let the doorknob hit you on your way out the door. I felt like he had just given me the evil eye and I had been banished from his practice. I was so disappointed, I had thought I would finally get some basic info about the state of my reproductive picture through him, yet I was being sent on my way, still just as much in the dark as I was before, and I just went to my car and cried.

Though I do understand what he means by not having time at my age and going to the doctor who can do it all where infertility is concerned, it's just that I have to consider not only time, but also money, as I am sure many of you know. He could have done some tests that would have been covered under my insurance and then sent me on to the RE later if and/or when things got beyond him, but the RE will have to be paid for out-of-pocket, something that is just absolutely not possible for me right now. This situation has thrown me into a state of constant panic and depression as every month passes, as I desperately want to proceed, but can't because of finances, and I feel like I am being cheated out of my last chance to see if something is wrong and if it can be fixed so that a pregnancy could happen. My husband and I keep trying it the natural way and doing it when I am fertile and whatever, but I feel more and more that this is futile. It is hard to function daily when I constantly feel like running through the streets and wailing and tearing my hair out.

I have been (re)married for a year and trying to get pregnant the whole time. No prior children or pregnancies. Husband is 51, and has four other children already with his exes, so his sperm are not really in question, although we will have them tested to be sure (more on that later). I feel like I have so many strikes against me that I don't even know where to begin. A pregnancy would be high-risk for me. The reasons that the ob/gyn ran screaming from the room are:

-My age-38-not totally ancient, but less than ideal, especially considering that I haven't gotten pregnant after one year.

-The fact that I have: 1) Endometriosis (lasered out 14 years ago, no treatment of any kind since), 2)Lupus, an immune disorder where your body attacks itself and can cause various complications during/after a pregnancy. Lupus has already caused some damage to my kidneys, which could possibly worsen during a pregnancy. But I have been given the all-clear to try to get pregnant, as my disease has been under control for a couple of years now and I am really healthy at this time. My status could change at any time, which is another reason why I am pulling my hair out with every month that passes.

-My husband has rheumatoid arthritis and recently began taking a drug for this that can reduce sperm count, which he would have to stop taking for a time while we try try to get past this infertility thing. But that means that he would be suffering more with the arthritis and the damage it is doing to his joints if he went off his medication. This tears me up, as I don't want him in more pain, but I try to keep the perspective that it would only be for some months or at most a year or two, but if I don't try this pregnancy thing right now, I will be childless FOREVER.

The question I am asking is have any of you gotten at least some basic diagnostic tests and treatments for infertility through an ob-gyn (perhaps they were done under the name of looking for other things, so that they could be covered under the insurance)? I know every ob/gyn has different skill levels, so I might have some luck looking for one that includes some infertility treatment in their practice and is in my insurance network. The nurse at the RE's office explained that it is possible that some things could be partially covered by my insurance at the rate of 60% (they are out-of-network), but that once I became diagnosed as officially infertile and requiring treatments for this, that would drop to zero. And they don't do payment plans, you have to have money or arrange for financing some other way, or pay your part of the bill at the time of service. I know that it would be best if I could stick with the RE and go full speed ahead, but money rules that out for me at the moment (working on changing jobs, but that is a big question mark), and I need to do SOMETHING. Thanks for any advice, I am losing my mind....