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Old 05-26-2008, 07:23 PM   #1
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PrincessSweetNS HB UserPrincessSweetNS HB UserPrincessSweetNS HB User
I think I need some advice

HI ladies. Has anyone ever had depression while on Clomid? Or any fertility meds? I'm starting to scare myself a bit---I burst into tears at the smallest thing, I'm scared, I don't know who I am. I don't know if it's Clomid (my friend the 100mg dose) or if it's my cycle getting me down. I just don't feel happy or positive or anything. I don't know what's wrong! It's driving me crazy. I'm worried about myself. After work, I had a shower and crawled into bed. That's not at all like me. I got up about an hour later, but still. I"m trying to be stronger, but other things, unrelated to IF keep happening. Even my mother is at a loss how to calm me down. I just feel like this cycle is cursed. I keep getting curveballs thrown at me. I'm so down, and I don't know how to get out of it. I tried writing in my journal, but it's so rambling and blathering that I end up crying and even more confused. Does anyone have any tips, advice or stories to help me?

 
Old 05-26-2008, 09:43 PM   #2
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Re: I think I need some advice

Oh Princess Im so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this, Im sure its probably a combination of things all hitting you at once. The disappointment of the last cycle, raging hormones, the fear that this cycle wont work plus other things that life likes to throw in (sometimes gives you the feeling like your being kicked while your down). I do know how you are feeling as I feel a bit the same at the moment, almost like a sense of doom, especially about my cycle as I feel nothing is going my way.
Its a wonder any of us stay sane with what we have to endure, all the heartache and disappointment we have to face, all the medications that mess with our hormones and our minds, not to mention all the ignorant idiots we have to deal with in our everyday lives, we are poked, prodded, injected and scrutinized. So I think its ok to have a meltdown every now again.
I guess what I try to remember is that people who get pregnant easily or have oops babies will never feel what we will when we finally get that BFP and hold our miracles for the 1st time, they will never experience that kind of joy, god knows we worked so hard to get there.
I really hope you are feeling better soon and know that you are never alone, we feel and know your pain, you are not crazy.

Cashahn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Last edited by cashahn; 05-26-2008 at 09:45 PM.

 
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Old 05-26-2008, 11:59 PM   #3
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Re: I think I need some advice

Oh Princess my dear, my heart goes out to you. I agree with Cashahn and am sure it's a combination of things but mainly, it's just IF. Darned IF (wish I could use stronger words here!) I don't know if it's the clomid but I really don't think you are alone in having that depressed feeling... I'd bet every one of us on the board has had to fight to get out of bed at some point... IF is very depressing at times. But hang in there my good dear friend. You are gonna make an unbelievable mommy and your time IS coming. Love you lots... Hope you waking up feeling much better.

 
Old 05-27-2008, 05:04 AM   #4
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Re: I think I need some advice

Oh Princess, I am so sorry, havent we all been there? IF can do this to you, I know its hard but you can't let it rob your entire self. Each time I felt like I couldnt handle it nomore I would take a break, 2 or 3 months, got all those hormones out of the system, yeah, it takes at least 2 months, and then got back on the bandwagon. I know its hard to distance yourself from all this, but it will make you feel better and more positive about things. Its good for a change to BD because you want to not because you have to, and just drink a big cup of coffee without thinking that maybe your ovaries are not gonna like too much caffeine.
Have you finished clomid yet this month? Now its just BD?
My dear, last month you must have superovulated, thats alot of things and changes going on with your body. You have won already half the battle dear, you are very close to deafeating the IF Beast, it will happen sooner than you think. Last year you were fighting for an AF, so look how far you've got now.
Will your RE give you an IUI, or add something this month?
I hope you will feel better soon, and dont forget we love you,
Mady

 
Old 05-27-2008, 07:11 AM   #5
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Re: I think I need some advice

Ladies, I have said it before and I must say it again---I'd be lost without you. Last night was a pretty dark night. I even talked to Dh again abotu maybe taking some time off if this cycle doesn't work out. And he said that as long as I try my best to stay positive throughout this cycle and if we take some time off, then that's fine with him. He said that maybe I'll get pg naturally, like if the Clomid has residual effects, and if not, maybe the doctor will do something different liek Femara or even send me to an RE.

Cash- I'm sorry you're feeling how I'm feeling. It's no fun, is it? You describe it perfectly--a sense of doom. Sort of like "There's no point." I guess we're both having our hard cycle. But you're right. If anything the "norms" shoudl envy us, because they will never get the feeling we do. Not only the rush of emotion and love the everyone gets, but we will get the very powerful feeling of triumph. We'll make it there someday, we really will.

Kari-- Darned IF!! exactly!! (I too wish we could use stronger words when saying that)It's all of these hormones, fears and disappointment swilling around in my head. You're right, time IS coming. I just have to hold on. Maybe if this cycle doens't work out, a break is what I need, just a short one. I wouldn't leave here at all, but just a break from Clomid. Or maybe I woudln't even need a break. I heard Femara is like the same thing as Clomid, but not as harsh. Maybe that could work. Or maybe I could lose some weight and maybe my body will ovulate naturally again. I odn't know but thinking of all these options definitely makes me feel better!

Mady-- I really think that if this cycle doesn't work out I'll take a short break. Not too much, because I don't want to fall off the bandwagon completely, but maybe give up the reins for a bit I'd still stick around here though, for sure. But I think I coul duse the break from the hormones. You make an excellent point, though!! OMG, I never thought about how this time last year, I was begging for AF----and now here she comes pretty much regularly! Yu're right, half the battle has been victorious, and we just have to keep fighting for the other half, even if that means falling back for a little bit. I'm done with the pills, so now it's just BD. I don't know how often that's going to happen, because Dh is on the weird shift and he gets home at midnight and we're both too tired then for anyhting other than a chat. But we will see---all it really takes in one, right? And if this doesn't work, I'd suspect that my doctor will hand me over to the RE soon... and I feel really good about that.

Well ladies, I'm feelign a lot better after reading that I'm not the only one who has to fight to get out of bed. I feel liek I'm just fighting off a lot at the moment, and I'm tired. I'm finidng that I'm still a little bit hopeful abotu this cycle. And at the same, I am looking forward to taking a break. I will talk to my docotr about all of this when i go in for my CD 27 consult. Maybe he will give me progesterone to start a period and Clomid or somehting, so that I don't have to see him before I want to start a new cycle. Who knows, right? I just knwo that when I want to start cycling again, I'll want to do it right away

I hope you ladies are enjoying your week so far! Remember, it's Tuesday which can only mean one thing.....it's almost Friday!!

 
Old 05-27-2008, 07:58 AM   #6
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Re: I think I need some advice

Princess, I'm so happy to see you are feeling better. I'm sorry you were feeling so down. We have all definitely had those days! IF is such a tough thing to accept & yet we have no choice but to accept it & then try to fight back. It isn't easy by any means. But no matter how long the fight takes & no matter how many times you need to step back & take a break, when you win the fight, you will feel a happiness you never thought you would feel. And your time is coming!! You have come a long way in your journey so far & that bfp is getting closer & closer. I'm praying you will get it this cycle, but if not, a small break sounds like just what the dr ordered. And when you decide you are ready to start fighting again, I'm sure it's going to happen for you. And we will all be with you every step of the wait.

Sending you lots & lots of hugs. You are right, Friday is almost here.

Holly

 
Old 05-27-2008, 08:00 AM   #7
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Re: I think I need some advice

Oh Princess I am so sorry you re having such a rough time.I think we have all been in your shoes.Honestly I think we will all feel that way until we are holding our babies.At the moment I am not working since we have been going through IF DH and I thought it was better for me not to work cause I found it so hard to get up and go to work.Anyway now I just sit in bed every morning saying what do I have to get up to?An empty house and I get out of bed so late.I do try and get out and make plans and at least try to stay saine.Anyway I know its hard but you have to try and keep looking forward look at the future picture where you are holding your sweet baby.Glad you are feeling a bit better.Well take care and have a nice day.

Eva

 
Old 05-27-2008, 10:44 AM   #8
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Re: I think I need some advice

Holly and Eva, thank you so much. I know it's probably silly to say but it feels better that i knwo I'm not alone in feelign this way. Not that I ever wanted you to be sad or anyhting, but just knwoing that nothing is wrong with me, that's good. And I'm still not sure if I want to take a break--- but I think it'd probably be best for my sanity lol. Like you, Eva, I wake up in the morning, and when I'm puttering around trying scrape together a decnet breakfast before work, and wonder what'd be liek to be tired from staying up all night with a newborn baby. Or when it's nice outside, wonder when I'll be able to take my little one out to the park and look at the bunnies.
Holly, that really makes me feel so good, just knwoing that when I get there, and I will, it will feel so good! I can't wait, honestly I can't. We just have to keep the faith. And I will.

 
Old 05-27-2008, 10:51 AM   #9
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Re: I think I need some advice

Princess, sweetie I'm relieved to hear that your spirits are a little bit lifted today... I know each day is still hard, but I can tell you are hanging in there. I really think it's a good idea to consider a small break, at least from the hormones, if this cycle doesn't work. Please keep in mind that you can vent to us whenever you want. There is not a single thing about IF that is easy... and it would be silly to think you could always be positive. But for the time being, I will remain hopeful for you... it's often the cycles where we least expect it that bring surprise BFP's! Love you my friend!!!

 
Old 05-27-2008, 11:00 AM   #10
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Re: I think I need some advice

Princess, I'm sorry you're feeling down. It's totally the Clomid talking. I agree that maybe a little break (even just one month) would help. They say that Clomid can remain in your system for up to 6 weeks or so, so just imagine the fact that your body hasn't had a break from it for months. I understand not wanting to take a break, but that may be just what your body needs to produce that BFP! Of course, I'm hoping this third time is still the ticket.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today! Thinking of you! - April

 
Old 05-27-2008, 11:45 AM   #11
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Re: I think I need some advice

Kari-- you are so sweet. Please tell me that you will still drop by after you graduate! I know, I know, I'm being selfish. I'm sorry. I knwo you won't be able to update here, but I'm hoping that maybe every so often you might pop in. Wow!! can you imagine, after all this time, dearest, you're pg? And not just that, but in a week's time you're going to graduate? I'm so proud of you. You're right, it'd be silly to think that I can be posiitve all the time. And you're right, maybe I'll get a surprise BFP!

April-- Thank you for still having faith in this cycle, even when I have trouble.That's SO sweet of you. I never knew that Clomid stay that long! Wow, my body must be swimming with hormones!!

You know, when my DH and I first started trying, he ate well, didn't drink and rarely ever smoked. But now...now, he drinks on weekends and smokes everyday. I was thinking, that if we do take a break, maybe during that break time he and I could work together. I'll avoid the cookies and chips and make a concious effort to work out; and he can avoid the cigarettes and beer and maybe work out with me. I worry what those bad habits are doing his once normal sperm count.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. I'm doing better, especially now that the end of the day is in sight!

 
Old 05-27-2008, 02:22 PM   #12
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Re: I think I need some advice

Hang in there Princess we will soon be staying up all night with a crying baby and taking our little ones to the park and seeing their precious faces light up while having so much fun at the park.As for DH's habits it might be good if you can reach a compromise maybe if he cuts back on the bad habits and hopefully slowly ctop them all together.A little advice dont push him to hard cause IF is so hard as it is.Maybe you can tell him that you will help him at least cut back and see how that goes.Well good luck on making these changes I wish you the best.I will pray you get that BFP this cycle so you wont even have to worry about all that.

Eva

 
Old 05-27-2008, 03:38 PM   #13
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Re: I think I need some advice

My dear Princess!
You are not alone in your feelings!!! When I was on clomid, I was an absolute wreck...it was the worst I have ever felt in my life. I had no energy, I was so angry, I felt so helpless. All I did was come home from work and go to bed. I slept and slept and slept. My family was so worried. I really think think that it is a combination of the clomid and just the simple fact of yearning for a baby so bad that someone can feel the way we do/did. At that point of my life, I didn't want or care about anything else. I really feel for you and wish I could do something that could magically change things for you! I will say that you have to try to keep your mind though and try to do nice things for yourself. Whether you sit in the tub for 10 minutes with some candles and nice music, or find an author that you like and read his/her books. I did start a journal for my unborn child that documented all my feelings and experiences that he/she would be able to read someday and know exactly what I went through and how special he/she is to me. You could start to do that...it was very therapeutic(sp?).
I do promise you that in the end...after everything is said and done...every moment of the heartache and pain is worth it when you see that miracle that you created!!!! All this will be a distant memory(not that it will ever be forgotten!!) and you will move onto such bigger and better parts of your life...being a MOMMY!
Sweetie, you know we are always here for you to try and cheer you up and give you a brighter side to look at (even when we feel like there is nothing but darkness!). I love you and am cheering you on everyday!!!! I will always pray for you and send you all the baby dust I have until you are holding your little miracle in your arms...and never give up that dream
love,
cmarie
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*Angel Baby July '05
*1st IVF...Triplets due 12/3/07
*Conjoined Angel Babies May '07
*Olivia Grace born 10/23/07...our little miracle!

Last edited by cmarie313; 05-27-2008 at 03:42 PM.

 
Old 05-27-2008, 04:07 PM   #14
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Re: I think I need some advice

Princess, I'm glad you're feeling a little better. I can sypmathise with you, I had a melt down last night with DH. I cried and cried and I'm not even on Clomid! Certain cirmumstances with my friend who's pg and taking very bad care of herself (despite having gest. diabetes with her previous pg) made me so upset the last few days. She actually had the gall to start complaining about her pg, and she KNOWS that I'm having a hard time with IF. DH said to not talk to her anymore. And that may be true with you too, if there are certain things that you know that trigger your depression stay away from them. This is a time to pamper yourself b/c IF is difficult to go thru.

Being on Clomid or any other hormone meds can really wreck havoc on the mental state, so it's very "normal" to feel depressed.

I hope you can be around those who will lift you up and encourage you. This shall pass, but if it concerns you I would talk to your doctor to see if ther are other options.

My Sweetness, I hope you feel better soon. Please know that we all love you here and it won't be very long before your miracle happens to you.

 
Old 05-27-2008, 11:21 PM   #15
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Re: I think I need some advice

Sorry to hear how rough you've felt Princess, but yes I had very very dark month 2 cycles ago...my first 100mc cycle. I mentioned it in another thread, but I too felt depressed, didn't want to get out of my bed, look after my furbabies, go to work, be responsible for anything or anyone, and I was angry at the world too. It lasted 3 days, with the first day being the worst and the last day being more sad and melancholy.

I also talked over with DH about not continueing with Clomid, but we decided to try it again and I'm happy to say that the following 2 cycles gave me only headaches.


It's around those times that our partners really support us the most, and I think it's an eye opener for them too that it's not just about popping a pill or 2, they really mucking around with our whole being.

I hope you continue to feel better

 
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