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Old 06-24-2008, 12:19 PM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Essex
Posts: 9
Rex999 HB User
My first posting......

Hi all, this is my first attempt at using this site so please bear with me if I waffle on!
in the next 6 - 12 weeks my wife and I are about to stary our 1st IVF cycle and we are both scared to say the least! My wife uses another similar site to talk to other people and that is her own space - Although we do talk to each other about our IVF future treatment, we have both found talking to people "outside" of the situation is a great help. Which is why I decided to come on here.
I am not exactly sure what it is I am scared of - Is it the thought of my wife having all the tests and procedures throughout the treatment? Is it the thought of trying to make a baby in this way and not the way I always thought it would or should be (the natuaral way)? Is it the fear of the pressure it may put on our relationship? Is it the thought of the sheer disappointment if we are not successful? Or is it just the fear of the great unknown?
The past few months have been a rollercoaster ride - We both were almost certain the fact we had not conceived natuarlly was down to me and linked to a disability I have. After lots of of tests it was confirmed it was me that was the proble. That in itself was hard to deal with. we then went straight into looking into IVF and working out how we can finance it without having time to breath as we both thought the longer we waited, the lesser our chances of success were. We are lucky enough to be able to afford 2 cycles at the moment if we enrole in an egg share scheme.
Anyway, i said I might waffle on a bit! I would love to hear other comments/feelings on what I have mentioned above - Would also love to hear from other men who are in a similar situation to mine. Look forward to hearing from you.

R.

 
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Old 06-24-2008, 01:37 PM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: FL, US
Posts: 423
bilodeli HB User
Re: My first posting......

Hi Rex, me and DH are in the middle of our 1st IVF cycle. Long story short we did a bunch of tests and while I thought I would have ok eggs and he had great sperm (we were looking at about $13000 for the IVF cycle) it came down to me having horrible eggs, eggs so bad they wouldn't do a cycle and his sperm being not so good, we would have to use a donor egg and icsi for his sperm and a lovely cost of now $30000 for 1 cycle. In a nut shell since we are using a donor of such a young age we ahve very good change of conceiving on 1 cycle. At the very least it's extremely stressfull, scary you name it, not to mention the financial aspect of it. Anyways we got to learn to give injections yesterday and DH will start giving them to me on Thursday. This is the 1st time I have seen him excited, I think he truly feels we have finally started. They say accupuncture is very good before during and through out the 1st cycle, you may want to mention that to your other half. Anyways, this is a great support group and a great place to ask questions.
Lisa

 
Old 06-24-2008, 02:31 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Lindenhurst, NY
Posts: 1,347
km7503 HB User
Re: My first posting......

Hi! Welcome to the boards!
When I first came on this board, I was totally overwhelmed, especially after finding out that my DH had a low count and low motility (which was a shocker to him and VERY hard for him to deal with and still is). We were told we had to dive right into IVF which scared me because of the complete unknown and for the possibility of it not working. I remember posting a question about how you deal with a BFN after going through so much in one cycle, (so many tests, sonograms, blood taken, shots given, and follicles made, not to mention money spent) because I was scared of the failure too. Unfortunately, there are no gaurantees with infertility and I went into it trying to accept that. And, unfortunately, I didn't get pregnant on our first try (like we thought we would) but fortunately for us, almost 100% of unlimited tries is covered by our insurance. So, we did a frozen cycle next and got a chemical pregnancy. And, then we did another fresh cycle and finally got our BFP! My daughter just turned 14 months old. We are now doing IVF again (starting fresh due to none frozen from last cycle) for baby #2 in a couple of weeks! And even going through it a "2nd" time, (4th cycle) I am still scared to death...scared of the possible disappointment, of something going wrong, of having the sanity to go through it again and take care of my daughter at the same time...yeah, you can say it's a daunting task to say the least.
Anyway, you're not alone and neither is your wife. IVF isn't all that bad. We have had several successful (and some multiple) recent pregnancies leave our boards...so hopefully we can join them soon! Good luck with everything!!!

 
Old 06-24-2008, 05:37 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Lakeville, MN, USA
Posts: 975
douglasap8 HB User
Re: My first posting......

Hi Rex, I just wanted to welcome you to the board. There are a few men who stop by, but I know you'll find a ton of support from the women here too. I have completed two fresh IVF cycles, both of which were unfortunately BFNs. Your feelings are completely normal. Obviously I can't tell you how you'll feel, since I've only ever been in your DW's place, but I can imagine it's hard to not be in control of anything that's going on. I wish you both the best of luck and hope your stay with us is short lived! - April

 
Old 06-24-2008, 07:53 PM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 168
whit3 HB User
Re: My first posting......

Welcome to the board! I'm only new here also, but so far I have received ALOT of support from these gals

I read your post, and I really feel for you. I haven't been through the experience of IVF, but I can only imagine how stressful it must be, and because I haven't been through it, it is probably 10x more stressful than what I imagine!!!

Reading through these posts though, I was GOBSMACKED a the cost alone of IVF. I then went and did some research as I didn't think it REALLY costed that much!!! I'm interested to know what country you guys are from, as here in Australia, one cycle of IVF with ICSI its only $4500... And then you get most of that back from the government, they estimate you being out of pocket $1600!!

I'm sure you will find alot of support here for you and DW.. But I hope your stay is short and you'll be bragging about your BFP
__________________
At the end of the game.. The king and the pawn go into the same box.

 
Old 06-25-2008, 05:11 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Essex
Posts: 9
Rex999 HB User
Re: My first posting......

Hi - Thanks for all your comments - It is so reassuring to know there is so many of you out there!
In reply to Whit3's post, we are in the UK and the cost to us is around £2,000 with ISCI as we are opting for the egg donation scheme. This cuts the cost by over half, otherwise we would be paying around £4,400. It is good to hear that in Australia there is financial help from the government. As far as I am aware there is debates in the UK for the government to fund the NHS to allow couples at least 1 cycle.
Feeling very positive today about it all. Can't wait to get going. We have our appointment in 2 weeks for me to give my sperm so need to make sure I eat healthy so my boys are in the best possible shape!

R.

 
Old 06-26-2008, 06:33 AM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: boston, ma
Posts: 116
newenglander2 HB User
Re: My first posting......

Welcome to the board! It's great to hear that you are just as concerned and involved as your wife is. I'm starting my IVF/ICSI cycle in 3 weeks, my friend just went through that. Emotionally it is a roller coaster ride. Physically your wife will be put through a lot. Just be there for her, and be nice when she has her mood swings-it's the hormones and the stress. This is a great website where you will find many people in your shoes. Hang in there, discuss plan B (it helps). Michaela

 
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