It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Infertility Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-26-2008, 06:18 PM   #1
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Hi, to all who read this thread. I'm 34yo married to a DH of 37yo. We are approaching our 1 year anniversary in < month and both so greatly hope to have a family. We both have been married before, but had spouses who weren't as committed to us as we were to them. Luckily we found each other and could not be any happier!
All our family/friends know how much we both love children and hope to be parents. We have been trying to get pregnant for the past year but not outwardly discussing it. Of course, we get well-meaning family/friends who ask questions like, "are you trying, yet?", "when are you gonna have a baby?", and "are you pregnant, yet?".
I know they don't mean any harm, but it bothers me so much to get asked such a personal question....especially since we are having trouble getting pregnant.
How do others handle this? I think its quite insensitive for others to ask these questions and it doesn't help my stress level since I worry about talking to certain people cuz I know they are gonna ask. I want to just tell them to quit askin cuz when/if it happens we'll certainly share the news...but, until then quit bringing it up!
Anyone else share in my frustration, please respond as I would like to talk about my fears and hopes with others who know what I'm going through.
I'm not going to just share with my family/friends that we've had to try Clomid and do OPK/progesterone levels to see that I'm ovulating (which I am)....or that my DH had to do a SA (which was "excellent" per OB/GYN). Looks like our next step will be a HSG which I'm not looking forward to, but I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure there is not a physical problem we can correct that's keeping us from conceiving.
BTW, I got pregnant in my 1st marriage but lost the baby @ 6 weeks. This is my DH 1st efforts @ trying to conceive.
Thanks again for reading and sharing!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-26-2008, 08:51 PM   #2
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posts: 66
natty123 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Hi there - I can totally relate as I am sure most of the people on here can. Friends/family don't mean anything by it and there is no real easy way to deal with it, I just usually say, hey when it happens it happens and move away from them or change the subject. My husbnd's grandmother has asked a few times "when will you have kids, don't you want to start having children" - I just want to scream at her and tell her if we could, we would have kids already but are obviously having issues. Nobody understands except for those who have been through infertility. Just hang in there and hopefully it will work out. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and trying for 3 with no luck, I am 38 so you of course people wonder if we are ever going to get pregant.

It sucks, I know but I wish you the best of luck.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 06:36 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: boston, ma
Posts: 116
newenglander2 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Welcome aboard! All of us here on this board have had to deal with insensitive remarks, the "so when will you be pregnant", etc. Don't take them personally-these people have no clue as to what you're going through, and have no clue about infertility. Here are a few things that you can choose from:
"Whenever God blesses us with one"
"We are trying"
"We are seeing a fertility specialist and we are undergoing treatment" (and you don't have to get into the details)
And then change the subject around-people always would rather talk about themselves and their problems than listen to you for 2 minutes.
If there are certain people that really annoy you with these questions, please feel entitled to avoid their company. The last thing you need is your distant aunt Polly questioning your reproductive capabilities.
If you've been trying for several months and you're in your thirties, please don't waste time and have yourself and your husband checked up. Time is so valuable and 6 months can be so easily wasted. Good luck and I wish you good news from the stork!

 
Old 08-27-2008, 09:04 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"


Thank you both for the responses; and anyone else who would like to add. It's just comforting to read others stories and share experiences, so I don't feel SO alone in this.

My usual answer to these questions is, "when God blesses us" or "when the time is right"...since most people know we are trying. I tried for a little while to make it sound like we weren't actively trying (even though we were), by saying we were still enjoying our new marriage, home, etc. But, that just seemed to make people ask more often!

I should be ovulating again first weekend of September, so wish us lots of baby dust (i love that!) as I will be wishing it for all on these boards!

 
Old 08-31-2008, 11:36 AM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: OH
Posts: 152
CocoandBB123 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Only my family knows that we are trying, most of my friends don't. I don't want them to know what we are going through either. I am 35, DH is 41. I've never had any kids, DH has one son from previous relationship.
My usual answer is " gosh, now you talk like my mom" as they all know my mom desperately wants a grandchild, I also laugh, then change the topic.
It's a big deal for us, but I don't want other people to feel that way and feel sorry for us.

 
Old 09-01-2008, 06:56 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 607
pinkie1 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

So sorry you're having to go thru this. Thanks goodness for boards like this where we can relate to one another b/c people really can't understand unless a person is actually going thru it.
This has been the hardest long term thing I've had to go thru. I'm 35, DH 41, and we've been ttc for 4 years. I will say that we do have one DS who we had a little trouble conceiving. My favorite comment is "you've had one you'll have another" (my answer to that is "are you sure?"). Since starting this ttc/infertility journey I've come to realize how ignorant people are on the subject. So every chance I get to educate them I feel like it will save another gal/guy from hearing hurtful comments.

When they would say "are you pg, yet?" I always emphasize "YET?? what do you mean? I'm not God, he's the one in control." Or when they say "when are going to have a baby?" a simple "I don't know. When I get pg I guess" Another favoite is "who has the problem?" "Problem? what problem there's no problem. He's fine I'm fine." Of course I say these comments with love and explain that IF is a VERY difficult situation a person goes thru and diffucult for people to understand. There's more to egg meeting the sperm.

I know most comments are not intended to hurt, so sometimes you kind of have to have a thick skin and let comments bounce off you however that may be; changing the subject, making pre-thought out comments to fire back, or maybe cry in front of them and maybe they'll think before they say next time.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 07:44 PM   #7
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

I know exactly where ya'll are coming from and so greatly appreciate this board where I can read about others who are experiencing what I am.

I feel like I'm the only woman in the world who can't get pregnant sometimes, especially when I get the "well-meaning inquiries" from people asking if we are pg, yet. It's such a personal and private matter to me which is why I let it bother me so much, I suppose.

I have considered like pinkie1 mentioned getting emotional when I'm asked if we are pg, yet. I just wish others would realize it's not as simple as just saying "I want to have a baby" and then bam, next month your pg! Not everyone gets pg as soon as they start trying.

I have an appt w/OBGYN tomorrow for yearly exam and will talk more about our efforts to get pg. I'm pretty sure he'll recommend a HSG next. Hopefully if DH & I get pg this month, I won't have to go thru with that test.

So, we will continue to pray for God's blessings!

 
Old 09-04-2008, 10:05 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 607
pinkie1 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlebo View Post
I have an appt w/OBGYN tomorrow for yearly exam and will talk more about our efforts to get pg. I'm pretty sure he'll recommend a HSG next. Hopefully if DH & I get pg this month, I won't have to go thru with that test.

So, we will continue to pray for God's blessings!
Good luck on your test.
I don't mean to give you false hope, but I have heard of people getting pg after having a HSG because it opens up the tubes and kind of like flushes things out. I hope this will be your case and you don't have to endure any IF meds and other procedures.

 
Old 09-05-2008, 04:58 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

pinkie1, I've read that about having HSG, also. If that is the next step, I'll keep an open mind about it....which is easier said than done. I psych myself out every month thinking this is the month we finally got pg. I want it so much I think it causes me to have "pseudo" pg symptoms. You know, my breast will be more tender, I'll have more headaches, I'll feel nauseous....and I'll convince myself this has to be more than just AF coming to visit. Of course, so far that's always been the case.

 
Old 09-05-2008, 09:28 AM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: CT
Posts: 411
bunny9987 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

our 1 yr anniversary was in june, for the whole yr, we got asked that question all yr by our families. it was quite annoying. we weren't even trying til april, but it was getting on my nerves.

 
Old 09-06-2008, 07:36 AM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by bunny9987 View Post
our 1 yr anniversary was in june, for the whole yr, we got asked that question all yr by our families. it was quite annoying. we weren't even trying til april, but it was getting on my nerves.
My DH and I will be celebrating our 1st year anniversary @ the end of this month which is so exciting! bunny9987 congrats to you and your DH on your 1st anniversary, also.

Tough thing for us is we are both in are mid 30s; plus all our family/friends know how much we love children and hope to become parents. Some people think it necessary to point out to me that we are 'older' and 'time is wasting'. I just wish people would be a little more sensitive.

If we don't get pg this month, I am to call my OB/GYN office when AF starts to make arrangements for an HSG. My doc agreed there are reports of women gettin pg after the test. He shared w/me that another patient of his got pg 3 times all right after an HSG. After her first child, she would ASK for an HSG in order to get pg again.

 
Old 09-14-2008, 07:19 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 12
hunnybunny09 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

I had been ttc for 2 years before I got an HSG. I didn't get pg that cycle, but I did the second cycle after HSG. Of course, it was a chemical pregnancy and didn't make it to 7 weeks, but it gave me hope. I hear the HSG boosts the chances for only the 3 cycles following it. The HSG was the most painful experience of my life. It was a complete nightmare. I will never go through one again without being put to sleep. I hear some girls aren't that bad though. Good luck.

 
Old 09-15-2008, 07:01 AM   #13
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: boston, ma
Posts: 116
newenglander2 HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

My sister got pregnant 3 months after her HSG. That's because the HSG uncloggs the tubes. She said when she had it done was extremely painful. That was because the doctor who did it injected the dye way too fast and that caused spasm in the tubes and uterus.
I had an HSG done earlier this year. It was very easy and just a little crampy. The doctor who did it was very good. You should take 2 ibuprofens 1 hour before. Some doctors recommend doxycycline before the treatment as sometimes you can end up with an infection-but discuss that with your obgyn first.
Did you know that 40% of infertilile couples suffer from male factor infertility? Make sure you have your husband checked as well before you have all sorts of tests done. His is easiest and cheapest to do, really.
Good luck.

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:19 PM   #14
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by hunnybunny09 View Post
I had been ttc for 2 years before I got an HSG. I didn't get pg that cycle, but I did the second cycle after HSG. Of course, it was a chemical pregnancy and didn't make it to 7 weeks, but it gave me hope. I hear the HSG boosts the chances for only the 3 cycles following it. The HSG was the most painful experience of my life. It was a complete nightmare. I will never go through one again without being put to sleep. I hear some girls aren't that bad though. Good luck.
hunnybunny09 I was wondering where you are in your efforts TTC. I'm trying not to get discouraged, but I am in my 2ww and felt the little crampiness in my lower pelvic region that I often get before AF. I don't want to give up hope that I still may be pg, but if I let my hopes get up too high I'll be disappointed if AF does arrive. Of course then I will call my doctor to arrange for the HSG. I am not looking forward to it, but if it will help it will certainly be worth it!

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:25 PM   #15
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 122
littlebo HB User
Re: Help! How do you answer, "are you pregnant, yet?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglander2 View Post
My sister got pregnant 3 months after her HSG. That's because the HSG uncloggs the tubes. She said when she had it done was extremely painful. That was because the doctor who did it injected the dye way too fast and that caused spasm in the tubes and uterus.
I had an HSG done earlier this year. It was very easy and just a little crampy. The doctor who did it was very good. You should take 2 ibuprofens 1 hour before. Some doctors recommend doxycycline before the treatment as sometimes you can end up with an infection-but discuss that with your obgyn first.
Did you know that 40% of infertilile couples suffer from male factor infertility? Make sure you have your husband checked as well before you have all sorts of tests done. His is easiest and cheapest to do, really.
Good luck.
Thank you newenglander2 for sharing this information. My doctor did say I'd need to take advil/ibuprofen prior to the HSG and after, but he didn't think I needed the antibiotic.
After not getting pg on 3 rounds of Clomid with me showing by my progesterone level that I was ovulating, we did get a SA on my DH. The doctors words were his SA was "excellent". We usually try to have BMS every other day during my most fertile period, but I was wondering if others have found a different schedule works better. I read its best to wait day or 2to let DH's #s replenish themself.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I really need help...pregnant??? Soon2bhismrs23 Women's Health 2 10-12-2009 05:37 PM
Need help, pregnant and so sick! jenni12 Addison's Disease 5 11-26-2008 08:27 AM
Help, pregnant and colpop??? alliehoo Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian 3 02-14-2007 02:46 PM
Help-pregnant? Best preg. test? anilorak Women's Health 3 07-04-2006 07:03 PM
Please Help. Pregnant w/thyroid problem Blvoelk Thyroid Disorders 1 11-18-2005 06:33 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:12 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!