Some of us just need to deal with reality - Infertility Message Board

pennyb · 02-28-2003, 12:31 PM

Hey all!

I just thought i would write this to inform you ladies of how lucky some of you are and how unfortunate others of us are.
Some of you have a child already or children and that's great for you but please don't be offended by this.
I was told at the age of 27 that i started menopause somewhere in my early 20's. The day i got that phone call was worse then any other day i have had in my life. This was one diagnosis i never thought i would get but after years of trying and spending money i knew something was just not right. Now i know that a special part of my life is gone. That's the wonderful feeling of bearing a child, being pregnant, morning sickness and everything else that goes along with it. There is no such thing as unexplained infertility. You just need to find the dr. who knows what he is doing. But sometimes it's better not to find out. If i could have just had one child I would be so so happy. Now i look at my life as empty and it always will be. I know most of you right now are thinking well there is adoption and yes your right there is. But for me it's nolonger and option. After my diagnosis I have tried killing myself over and over and turned into a self mutilator. I am just no longer stable to be a mom. So talk about pain in the heart.
The next time you start your period just look at the child you do have and thank god for him/her. You were given a gift that has been taken away from some of us. Also don't settle for just a quick answer from your doctor. Demand that he/she tests your levels and look deeper into your situation. To them it's about money and to us it's about love. Remember that!!!!
God bless our struggles

pennyb · 02-28-2003, 12:34 PM

Oh just one more thing! Even though i have not had a period for a while I have still had 2 laparoscopys done. What i can't seem to understand is why do i have such severe endometriosis when i am no longer having cycles. Now due to the endometriosis I am being forced to have a hysterectomy so my other organs (colon) can be saved.

crazy2tryagain · 02-28-2003, 12:46 PM

Penny. Your post was sad and disturbing to say the least. I don't know what to say but I'm going to give it a shot.
I'm horrified to know that you have tried to take your own life due to your infertility. I wish that there was some help you could receive to help you through this. NOTHING, and I do repeat NOTHING, is worth taking your life or hurting yourself. You hurt so many people around you that care for you and want to see you happy. Please, try to get yourself some help.
I am NOT trying to sugar-coat your situation. I acknowledge that you are hurting and I understand your upset. I have had 3 VERY close friends of mine that had a hysterectomy before the age of 30. One of them had Endometriosis so bad that it wrapped around her organs and screwed up her bladder. She has also been on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't know why the Endo continues to be that bad, even when you don't get you AF. I too suffer from ENDO and went for several months without getting AF. I thought it was due to being on the pill. Endo is so misunderstood and the symptoms can be different for everyone.

I agree, adoption is not the answer for you right now. You need to think of yourself and get yourself better. You are important enough to continue to live in this world. God does have a purpose for you and whatever his reasons, there is a reason. You have a right to be angry and sad and mad....but don't take it out on yourself. You are dealing with a lot right now.

Please, don't be offended by anything I've said. I don't mean to belittle your situation. I have great sadness for you and your situation. I wish you the best and hope that you find the goodness within yourself to keep on living. Jodie

tazink · 02-28-2003, 01:48 PM

I agree with Jodie, nothing is worth taking your life over. Not even the inability to bear children.

I would also like to say that just because some of us have children, does not mean that the heartache is any less that we cannot have another one. I cherish both of my children (1 step and 1 natural) and I thank God for giving me them every day. But I also have a deep sarrow that will never go away (regardless if I had had 10 children) for the two babies that I have lost.

I agree, I will never know what it feels like to not have a child at all, but I do know how it feels to want anther one so badly and to not be able to.

Amy

Lucylou · 03-02-2003, 01:17 PM

Penny, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You obviously are suffering from depression and if you haven't already, I urge you to seek help from a professional. I know that sometimes it seems as if life isn't worth living without children, but it is. You're a worthwhile and special person. Focus on yourself right now and working through your feelings. You WILL come out of this all right and it will be okay. I'm here if you need me.