BFN Gals - Needing to Vent and Support!! - Infertility Message Board

crazy2tryagain · 02-28-2003, 12:35 PM

Hello Everyone! I'm another BFN in the TTC department! I have been reading the posts and it saddens me to see all my "friends" in the same boat I'm in. JODY C., AMS, TAZINK and so many others....I'm so sorry. My heart just breaks that NONE of us were able to get pg!!

Its hard to remain positive and optimistic that things will work out. I don't understand what God's master plan is. I'm sure he's been busy listening to all of our thoughts and prayers over the last few weeks! I know that he hears us and I hope that a dream will come true for us.

I am trying to keep my chin up. But the recent BFN's that I continue to read really is hard to handle. I don't know how some of you can continue. It reinforces the fact that I'm afraid another month won't matter for me. As Amy mentioned, it is hard on our bodies and difficult emotionally to continue. I don't know what the future holds or how I will handle the next few weeks. I just wanted to vent and allow the rest of you the opportunity to do the same.

This isn't a pitty party. It's just a group of gals experiencing the same frustrating, mad, sad, emotions that go along with TTC and the BFN!!! Sometimes, listening and talking just makes things easier to cope with. Knowing that I'm not alone is the only comfort I have at this point.

Good luck to each of you. Jodie

tazink · 02-28-2003, 01:53 PM

I think this is the perfect post. We are all going to need somewhere to vent, a shoulder to cry on, and gal pals that can relate to what we are going through. NO ONE else knows how we feel right now except for eachother and other people who have gone through the exact same thing.

One thing I have to disagree with

I am on a pitty party right now! I want to know why me? What any of us? I think it is unfair and there is nothing that is an ioda fair about it. My attitude will change in the next coupe of days I am sure, but for today - I FEEL SORRY FOR ME and for everyone else that got bad news this month and especially the last couple days.

AF still has not come - I am a little nervous about what is going on with my body. I think it is having a bigger melt down than me

I hope we can all keep in touch regardless of our outcomes and decisions to or not to continue.

Amy

dknees · 02-28-2003, 03:10 PM

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a pity party for a day or two. It's when you can't stop feeling sorry for yourself that's a problem. It's human nature to miss what might have been and a good thing to get your emotions out in the open. I learned the hard way that bottling things inside you doesn't make them go away, it just makes your ultimate blow-out (and sooner or later you WILL lose it) that much worse!

I am so grateful to have found others in my situation. Most of my friends are still single or don't want to have children, so they don't understand what I'm going through. Though I must say that I'm more sad this month than I have been before because I feel sad for all of you. I was hoping someone would have good news and it would give me some more hope.

I spent the drive home from work thinking about something my mother told me a long time ago: "God never gives us anything that we aren't capable of handling." I just need to learn to "let it go" a little more and trust that He knows what he's doing.....

Take care, ladies

JodyC · 02-28-2003, 06:38 PM

I had a major pity party for myself yesterday. I left work at 2:00, and didn't go in today. And, I cried all day yesterday, to my mom, my husband, the insurance company, and my RE. I think it helped, because I feel better today. I actually think that if I have to wait 10 months to start trying again, I will be OK with that. I am lucky that I am only 31, so I can wait until I am 32. Maybe God wants to give me twins, and figures I can't handle it right now, who knows. Or maybe I will concieve naturally in the next 10 months (?) and save a bunch of money that I would have spent on meds and IUI. Anyway, I know you will feel better in a few days, Amy. And Jodie, you are so strong, you don't give yourself enough credit. Anne - you are the rock that has kept me going through all of this. And Dknees, thank you for all of your kind words and support. I think your mom is right on.

Thanks to all of you for your support the last month. Yes, lets keep in touch. If I'm not trying in the next 10 months, I probably wont post as much, but I'll be watching and praying

And, I will keep updating as I fight my company to switch insurance companies this year.

[This message has been edited by JodyC (edited 02-28-2003).]

crazy2tryagain · 02-28-2003, 07:01 PM

I know we are all strong. Jody, thank you for your nice comment. It's just that times like this have a tendancy to bring all of us down. I agree with one of the posts above, I have been double sad this month because I was soooooo hoping that one of us would have a positive outcome. It's frustrating enough for myself. But talking to each of you gave me the strength to get through another month and the fact that none of us are pg is a reality check that life isn't going to hand us anything. I'm full of questions WHY this isn't working for me. I agree that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle". I also believe that there is a reason for everything. I just haven't figured out what my reasons are.

I don't know what my future holds. I have a bad feeling about my physical ability to get pg and maintain the pg full term. I have Endo and have experienced some "silent" clues that lead me to believe getting pg may be a risk. I haven't shared my feelings w/DH yet. Its something I have only thought about in the last few days. Ultimately, this is my decision and I have to do what's best for me.

Does anyone have a crystal ball I could borrow? Because if I could just take a peek at my future, my decision would be much easier to make.

Good luck to all of you! May you overcome your stuggles and regain your innner strength! Jodie