Bad news - Infertility Message Board

ams37 · 02-28-2003, 06:26 AM

The dreaded AF came. I was all set to go up this am. to the RE and it came. I am so sad. What a big fat letdown. I tried holding back tears yesteday but when I got home last night from work,, it hit me.
This was our first IUI (with clomid 100mg) I called RE this am. to of course cancel HCG test.I do this IUI one more time. same dose of clomid. Then Mar. 28, I see the doctor again to find a "new plan" of action. I might go to injectibles. (ill need ur help on that one girls)I too am hoping my insurance covers some of it.I knew my husbands sp. ct, washed was under 1 mil, first time (31 mil unwashed) then next day it went up to 5 mil. washed..They said theyd liek to see at least 10 mil. for him. He was sick a month before..and that could have attributed to extra low ct. I am not sure.
Part of me feels like one big failure. I see these people that are having kids..or think twice about havin gthem... cause it isnt the right time in their life or theyre to old or this or that. I get so fed up. I try to do everything right..and follow everything so much......and then one big letdown. My hub., has been super supportive (thank God)..he is of course questioning himself too....and he feels the em,otions of it all too,
All my tests came back good..and the blood work, i ovulate and have periods every month..too.
Oh well..enough of me venting.. I wouild just love 1 child.....If I dont have any more than that so be it......But just one............would be so wonderful.
Jody.. I am so sorry what u are going thru..............
taz.........any updates?
This is just one big rollercoaster.. All i wanna do is cry right now,,,,,,,I just have to fight this.....and go on........and hang in there.......easier said than done. have a good day everyone. Thanks for listening. Anne

tazink · 02-28-2003, 07:20 AM

Anne, I am so sorry to hear that AF came. I was having horrible pains in my lower abdonmen last night and thought for sure that AF would be there this morning. So far, nothing. This doesn't really mean a whole lot as far as being pg goes b/c my Af's can be really irregular (although they haven't been on progesterone, they have been on the dot). The results to my blood test will be in this morning to the docs office but I think I will wait until my lunch break to call them. That way I can have a little privacy when I get my results - good or bad. The only thing that will suck if it is a + is that DH works construction and I won't be able to get a hold of him and tell him the news until tonight. I was hoping we could find out the results together but it just isn't gonna happen like that.

I have definately decided that this is my last month of fertility drugs (we probably won't permanently prevent it from happing for another year). DH has a 12 year old son and I have a 6 year old daughter so we are not childless, just dreaming, hoping, praying for a child that we could have together.....it would complete our family unit. Anyways, my body is telling me "enough is enough". I have put it through pure he**.

I hate to be so negative and talk like I am not pg, but I just don't feel like I am. I had a long talk to God last night. I asked him why me, why any of us. Why are there so many people who can use abortion as birth control and we can't have children. Why are there women and young girls who don't want children and have them 1 right after another just to give them up or to have them taken away. THere are so many children in horrible home situations and we could provide such a loving and caring environment for one, and we can't. To top it off, it is ALL my problem. DH has great sperm count and mobility or motility - whatever they call it. It is purely me and I am the only reason that we cannot have a child together.

Please pray for me and send baby dust my way that I will get a positive result when I talk to the doc.

Also, thanks for letting me vent, when you said that you see people all the time that have children that don't want them, I knew exactly how you felt. DH and I atleast have 2 children that God has blessed us with so I am very very greatful for them. They are what gets me through each day.

God Bless -

Amy

r_bis · 02-28-2003, 07:25 AM

sorry to hear about it. It is very deppressing but try to be optimistic.Everyday i pray to god to give me and all the couples in similar situation at least one baby and i will never ask him anything more in life. Maybe god is yet to hear our plea but i believe he cannot turn a deaf ear to our prayers and something good will happen to all of us.

dknees · 02-28-2003, 08:00 AM

Anne,

Has DH gone to a urologist? After a couple of rounds of clomid (without IUI) when we were first trying, my dr did an analysis and kept coming up with completely different counts for him. One day it would be very very high with good quality and motility, then two days later 1 mil with poor motility, etc. Finally, he was referred to a urologist (we ended up paying most of the fees for the services even though we have insurance) He was put on cipro for possibly having bacteria in the semen and ever since his counts improved. They still tend to waiver a little, but have been consistently high enough to please my dr. I am not sure of all the specific details with the bacteria presence because I heard everything secondhand from dh, but it's a thought.

So sorry to hear your news. I hope clomid works for you next time. Injectables weren't TOO bad for me (other than the horrible pain in my ovaries and the schlepping all over town for ultrasounds and blood tests) but I hope you don't have to resort to that. Keep the faith, it will all work out for us some day. I have to believe that, or I'll go crazy wondering WHY. My sister had a child a couple of years ago because she wasn't using bc. She's not married and had never intended to have children. She's a great mom, but I was still completely devastated by the unfairness of the whole situation. Now, I'm good with it, and I love my niece to pieces.

Hang in there!

ams37 · 02-28-2003, 09:01 AM

Thank you Taz.....Rbis......and Dknee,
I appreciate your support....... I know were all in the same boat......and it is great knowing there is this board full of wonderful people who can sympathize......etc.......
I guess it is just a one day at a time process...and I will get thru it........makes one feel so empty inside.......but now I have to start looking at necxt round...............and keeping faith.
Dknee......No he hasn't been to a urologist..yet...I can definitely mention that to him and we can try that option too..Gives me hope.

You guys are wondeful.............Im here for u all when u need a shoulder..................anytime.
Taz........im rootin for u and everyone else too!!!!!!!!!I appreciate all the support here.A