Do any of you feel the same way... - Infertility Message Board

mommawannabee · 05-23-2003, 05:04 PM

..as me? It seems that with each cycle things seem to go the way they should go and everyone gets excited for me, including myself. And then of course it doesn't work out that month - do any of you feel as though you are letting your cheerleaders down? I have always put everyone's feelings before my own and one thing that I struggle with is dealing with the feeling that I'm disappointing the people I'm closest to and the nurses at my RE offices by not getting pregnant.

Is this normal? Or is this just me?

NavyWifeUSSGW · 05-23-2003, 05:43 PM

It isn't just you--I feel the same way. At my son's 4th birthday party a couple weeks ago he asked if we could make the baby quicker so he'd have a brother or sister there. It's hard not to feel like you are disappointing Dh, family, friends,etc.

The only way you could truly disappoint them or any of your true friends is to give up on yourself. If you get a BFN tomorrow, we will be here for you to cry to because all of us understand the frustration of thinking you are. If you get a BFP tomorrow, we'll be here to help celebrate. I really hope this is your month, but if not maybe it will be next month.
(A baby conceived this month would be born in the winter, New Hampshire has nasty winters; maybe someone up there thinks you need a spring time baby)

Try to think positive, because there is still a chance. But if your not it is not the end. And every month that doesn't work is going to make you love and appreciate that baby even more when you get that BFP.

Good luck tomorrow. Please let us know ASAP. Pick up some wine and ice cream just in case. I'm still hoping for that BFP!

Boundi · 05-23-2003, 06:28 PM

You shouldn't feel that way momma. At least not with us. I am sure we all feel like we've let others down dozens of times. We always want it desperately to be that month and then it turns out not to be. Everyone else around you should realize that you just aren't as fertile as some and this will be a little bit harder for you. I think they way to feel about is in not that they are dissapointed in you, but they are disappointed with you.

beccalee · 05-23-2003, 06:35 PM

Hey Momma,
I feel the way you do alot of the time. Since I informed my Mom and Dad of what we have been going through, I hate to call and tell them that we aren't pregnant. They both pray and I think truly greive for us. Sometimes I wonder if telling them was the right thing because I can tell how hurt they are for us. There are five children in my family so I feel like telling them may have just added more stress to their lives. My older sister is pregnant with her 4th child in 4 years which worries my parents and then they have us at the opposite end of the spectrum. It is so wonderful to have a support network, but it does seem like sometimes it would be better to have less people know. I guess that is why I am so glad I found this site. I don't feel like I am letting anyone here down if I don't get a BFP, because everyone knows how it feels. At the same time I know y'all hurt with me too!
Thanks for sharing Momma. I feel better after rambling on and on and on...

mommawannabee · 05-23-2003, 07:56 PM

NavyWife - you're right, NH does have nasty winters

perhaps if I get that BFN, that will be why. I have my wine rack already stocked with an assortment of reds and whites, been sitting there for quite a while.
I won't give up on myself, each month I just get stronger - I know all of us must get that way. DH always consoles me and tells me, "There's always next month baby - it'll happen" I'm blessed to have him in my life. Thanks for sharing with me about your son.

Hi Boundi-besides DH, this is the only support I have. None of the people we know here understand that getting pregnant is something that just doesn't happen for anyone. That makes it harder to hear, "Just relax".
Thanks for your words.

Hi Becca - I too feel very fortunate and glad to have found this site too - nobody else but the women on this board understands the heartaches of a BFN more. I guess I'm lucky because hubby was adopted and my mother-in-law - his momma - went through infertility. She adopted Carl and another son before she ended up getting pregnant with her birthson. She hurts for me and understands what its like. I wish my own mom could understand the passion we have to be parents - she doesn't understand the amounts of $$ we are investing into this!

WOW! I feel so much better. NavyWife, Boundi, Becca - thank you so much for allowing me to go on and on.

I feel better!