I am looking for support from anyone who has gone through the decision to have donor eggs implanted or maybe is starting this process.
If you could share your stories it might help me make up my mind on whether this is what I want to do.
My husband and I have had two IVF cycles cancelled now and on Thurday we will be discusing whether we want to move to Donor eggs. I don't have a problem with donor eggs as it would be just like adoption other then I get the awesome pleasure of carrying this child. I just don't know how I feel about the child being a part of my husband and not me.
Please help I feel so alone. Most of our family and friends know our situation which makes it even harder now that we have to look into other options. They don't understand the feeling of lose. I don't know if I am being unfare to my husband by being freaked out at the prospect of a child only being a part of him and not me. I don't want to deny a child of one biological parent either.
My husband says he thinks that if it had been him having to make this decision he probably wouldn't want a child that was only me and not him it would be weird, as though I had had an affair.
If anyone can offer some advise as to whether they had to make this decision and the outcome please do.
Welcome to the boards, I will make my story brief. I have 2 children 15 and 10 from a previous marriage which were concieved naturally. I am with new partner who did not have any children, he is 38 I am 37, we decided we wanted to have children we went to see the RE (I will skip over the obstacles as to what brought us to a IVF Dr.) basically he ran all the tests on me and my eggs were no good, he was thinking from years of endometreosis. BF sperm had issues as well. Our option to do the IVF with my eggs and ICSI gave us a 5% success rates. The RE suggested Donor Eggs. I thought about it and decided to go ahead with picking a donor. We went ahead with the procedure and were given an 80% success rate. I am almost 9 weeks pregnant. It is very expensive $30,000 so we only had one shot at it. My donor produced 12 eggs, in the end 3 were transferred one 8A cell, one 8 B cell and a 6 cell. One stuck. I will tell you this, I wasn't sure how it would affect me with using donor eggs, but having carried 2 gentic children, it feels no different. I wouldh choose this over adoption any day. I never feel like this is not my baby. I hope this helps you. Our RE had about 20 donors to choose from, They are very selective, and the donors go through tons of testing, medically and emotionally etc. We ran into problems with my donor due to a thyroid issue she developed and had to get treated, but she took care of it out of her own pocket. MY RE tests for everything while most RE's probably woudn't have tested for it, he is just really careful from the get go. The cycle was cancelled twice due to this issue and we almost switched donors, but the RE's office kept assuring us we had a great donor and to try and be patient. I am glad we listened I hope this helps.
It helps to talk to someone going through the same process. Congradulations on your little one.
I have one questions, when you go through the donor cycle do you get to keep the additional eggs not used in your first transfer or do you only pay for the 3 you had transfered. I am not sure how it works, I guess I will find out on thrusday when I see my specialist.
Last edited by Amanda1975; 11-02-2008 at 05:13 PM.
You basically pay a donor fee, which I think is probably about $5000, then they have a fee to monitor the donor which for me was about $2000, then you pay meds for both you and the donor which runs $2500-$5000, then you pay your cycle fee which is large since it's for her retrieval and your transfer, plus ICSI if you choose which was $2000 for us. Whatever the donor makes is yours. At our RE's office, the donor never finds out whether your cycle is successful or not. and is 100% confidential. My donor gave the nurse an sweet "hope" card for me, obviously unsigned but she wrote somthing very nice. Her heart was definately in the right place with being a donor. There were no pictures of her when she was young but she had a 1 yr old or so and put her baby picture in the donor book, then there was a medical history and all the background on her, smoker, not a smoker, drinks? nationality, siblings, you name it, we went through a book of about 20 or so donors and you really rule them out quickly. We were narrowed down to two. We concentrated on traights that her and I had since we were using my BF sperm, I just wanted the baby to have some of the things I have like hair color and even hobbies that I like. It was a difficult decsision. and one I really didn't want to discuss, so I have ONE friend that knows I used donor eggs, I just needed someone I could trust and confide in. Other then that no one knows, and very few people know we did IVF. I also think your RE office meets these donors first hand (my RE has a small office so it's very personable) so they can also give you some more info on them. We had narrowed it to Two different donors and the nurses kept rooting for the one we picked. Good Luck!