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Old 03-19-2007, 11:54 AM   #1
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My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Hi board and all,

I hope this finds everyone doing well.

I dislike the idea of sharing intensely personal/private information on a forum, but I wanted opinions.

My boyfriend ended our relationship this past weekend. He cited many reasons why. As a follow-up, he sent me an e-mail regarding my head symptoms.

He went through a period of time also where he experienced many of the same symptoms and sensations that most of us deal with on here, and told me many times about the lack of support and compassion he received from his ex-wife during that time.

Anyway, aside from being hurt in general about the ending of this relationship, I wanted to share the e-mail that he sent to me.

My feeling is that this is selfish and self-serving, and that if you truly love or care for someone, that you love them inspite of their limitations and find ways to work with or around them. I would never throw someone else's limitation into the mix of reasons why a relationship wouldn't have a future.

There were other factors in our relationship that probably led to this break-up. Although he was not a mean person, he was many times emotionally withdrawn and not very compassionate on many levels. Some might say that his words are "soft" as they are honest, but I don't see it that way - I am referring to the content.

Please, I'd like to hear your thoughts. Thank you. xo

Email:

"There is one thought that I wanted to pass along that is very difficult for me discuss due to my tendency towards consideration and sensitivity. Of course my thoughts have been all over these past 12 hours and I have a somewhat clearer image of something important to me that is part of all of this. We have always had an openess between us and from that alone, I feel I should express my thoughts in a better way.

I have a chance to make my life the way I would like it to be. As you know, I have many interests and I am all over the place quite often. I have wanted to share many of these experiences with you but quite often out of consideration of your dizziness I have held back. I look forward to the day when I can come home on a Friday and jump on a plane for a quick weekend trip to Florida or maybe take a day long bicycle ride into the country. I want to be able to go out and get crazy on occasion, I want to be part of a wild New Year's Eve party, I want to ride the coasters at Cedar Point, I want to run, fly, and enjoy many other things life has to offer.

I guess I hold back a large amount of guilt because it really, really pains me to say these things to you. I have been where you are and I know what it is like to not be able to do all of these things without hesitation. I grew up without many of these things then due to a marriage curtailed the same activities. Here I am on the cusp of having the opportunity to do anything but I hold back and I am thinking that in part it also affects my ability to consistently ride that emotional high with you and always be 110%. I know I shared a few of the let-down periods I have had in the past regarding events I wanted to share with you. What I guess I am trying to convey here is that I hold back on occasion out of consideration for you and deep down inside that really bothers me. I really try to be compassionate and I feel that I do an admirable job but I am finding that it stirs my emotions at a very deep level. I am very proud of my morals and have worked very hard to make them what they are but it deeply shames me to admit these thoughts to you as I have always put others before me. Now I find I harbor these feelings of putting myself first and it really hurts.

You once asked me awhile ago if I had one wish what would that be. It still stands the same as I wish I could take your symptoms away and make you better. When we first met for lunch in front of your office, I had hopes that I could pass along my experiences and that they would help you in some way. These thoughts have always been in my mind and I still wish there was something I could say or do that would make you wake up one day with a clear head."

Last edited by Wowwwweeee; 03-19-2007 at 11:57 AM.

 
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Old 03-19-2007, 11:56 AM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

My e-mail reply to him was short:

"Well, now you can fly.

I wish you happiness with someone who has no limitations; I truly hope for you the compassion and love in someone else for you that should you befall a hardship, they will remain, no matter what.

Be well, have fun."

I honestly didn't know what else I could possibly say, as I feel that I went all out in this relationship, and by the time I received his e-mail, I felt a little used and hurt.

I have experienced a few other instances where he was not as compassionate about my head symptoms as I wanted him to be. A few weekends ago we went out to a bar, and after an hour, I was pretty off balance. I didn't want to end the night, but I did want to leave the bar. When I told him that I wanted to leave because I was woozy, at first he said, "five more minutes", and then when I asked him again, he left, but was upset and told me that he rarely got out, and he spent money that night earlier on a new pair of jeans and shirt, and was looking forward to getting out that night.

Another time we were in a shopping mall, and as soon as we entered one of the main stores, I got spinny-dizzy. I told him that I needed to leave, and we did, but he rolled his eyes and briefly sighed before he stopped that behavior.

We tried to go to a movie once, but it was too much for my head, and we left. He mentioned that when he was breaking up with me - that he loved to go to the movies, and I was more content to watch them on TV.

I'm just hurt.

Thank you.

Last edited by Wowwwweeee; 03-19-2007 at 12:00 PM.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 01:30 PM   #3
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comeandrelax HB User
Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

wait im confused.....he has had inner ear problems in the past like vn or labs? and he got better and now hes with you and you have it and he leaves because he wants to have fun? its like me getting better and leaving my girlfriend who has watched me for 18 months and then leave her if she ever got it.

the thing i don't your ex realizes is that you are going to get better whether it be sooner or later. your not stuck like this forever and he should know that being that he went through it

 
Old 03-19-2007, 02:05 PM   #4
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

You are better off without him, if you entered a marriage or commitment, it's for better for worse in sickness and in health, if he doesn't like those terms best rid, his timing is not good when you feel so low, but it sounds to me like he has done you a favour! I'm sure one day he will find his match!
Sorry it ended this way for you, but he is obviously not the right one.
We are here if you need us.
Jayne

 
Old 03-19-2007, 04:05 PM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Hi Comeandrelax and Sheriff,

Your support is appreciated, as I'm feeling a bit down today.

'Relax,

A few years ago he was also dealing with head symptoms that left him unbalanced and woozy, and nauseaus. He stated that during that time, he was unable to do much, and spent most of his time getting through his work day and spending a lot of time at home. He made several references to his ex-wife not getting that, or being supportive/compassionate about that. He dealt with anxiety because of his head symptoms, something which I deal with also, although sometimes I have tried to hide that when I was with him because I felt it would be seen as "weak".

When we first started dating, he commended me on always trying to go out, even to a bar to dance, and was supportive and encouraging.

Now I guess it's more of a bother and an inconvenience for him.

Also, my condition has been around for thirteen years. I am not sure if it will ever get to a point for me where I am completely symptom-free. But I still am able to do many things, and I am much better than I used to be. But, I may not ever be completely "better" or free of these symptoms.

He knew about my head symptoms before we started dating. I was surprised in many ways to hear him bring this up. But in other ways, because he can be selfish/self-absorbed, I expected him to say something about MY symptoms limiting or fun-killing things for HIM.

Regardless, it still hurts.

Sheriff,

Honestly, the general consensus within my family has been that I am better off without him, because of some of his traits of things having to be his way a lot, and his reactions during times of relationship conflict.

I found his e-mail to be careless, even though through it he is labeling himself as sensitive.

Some might applaud him for "at least" being honest about how he feels. But it's still hurtful. I don't think that is love.

Last edited by Wowwwweeee; 03-19-2007 at 04:06 PM.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 05:23 PM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

im sorry that its been 13 years with this. is it on and off ? what exactly is your condition?

 
Old 03-19-2007, 05:24 PM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

also how long did he have his symptoms.....it seems to me that the longer he had it the more understanding he could be

 
Old 03-19-2007, 09:41 PM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

I'm sorry that your boyfriend used your ear problems as a reason to leave you. My sense on this is that there were other problems that caused the relationship to end. If you didn't have ear problems my sense is that something else would have broken you guys up. When you find the person that you are meant to be with, illnesses won't break you up. Sounds like you are trying to go out and do things, but sometimes you feel like you have to go home because your ears are really bothering you, that's perfectly okay and not a reason to break up with someone. I think he is using it as an excuse, and if it truly is the reason for the break, then you don't want to be with such a selfish person.

Hang in there, we are here for you for support. You'll find someone else who will love you for who you are and not for how many clubs or bars you can go to.

Take care,
Joy

 
Old 03-20-2007, 05:11 AM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

I agree with Joy..

He should be more empathetic having similar symptoms...

However, I think he did you a favor...if it wasn't this, it would be something else. I am sure he talks about how his wife wasn't there for him...only to do the same to you.

Don't you give up...there is someone out there that will love you for what you can offer...not what you cannot.

 
Old 03-20-2007, 11:46 AM   #10
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

I am sorry for the pain you must be feeling. I have to agree with every person who has said that he is selfish. I just can't believe that someone who had gone through something like the dizzy thing would be so uncompassionate! His attitude also seems extreemly immature. ("I want to party... I want to go to a movie...I want I want I want," not to mention rolling his eyes at your situation when you could of used his support.) I think he says that he is a compassionate person just to cover up for the selfish child that he knows that he truely is inside. I know that this will not sooth anything for you at this moment, but I also agree with eveyone on two other points:1) You ARE better off with out him and his lack of support and 2) If it was'nt the dizzy issue it would of been somthing else. Be strong and I hope that things get better for you soon.( They will!) Remember to be your own best friend, and you have many of us here for you!!!!!!

 
Old 03-20-2007, 02:00 PM   #11
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Well spoken centaur, who need a fella like that when you can have all us friends here!

Jayne

 
Old 05-16-2007, 01:43 PM   #12
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

I think it really is important to have someone who can deal with what you are going through.

My BF used to make fun of me when I would use the milk & not put it back in the refrigerator, etc and he can't understand why I can't read a map to save my life but as he has been learning about Menieres and Labyrinitis along with me, he is much more understanding of why I seem to be so confused by simple things and why I'm so tired all the time, etc...

 
Old 05-16-2007, 01:52 PM   #13
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Madison...just to let you know...there is a doctor and PT that are familiar with labs/vn in maine. Dr. Maxwell, portland maine.

 
Old 05-16-2007, 02:31 PM   #14
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Wowwwweeee this same thing has just happended to me over the past week. My Girl friend of 2 1/2 years ended our relationship because of my inner ear disorder. It hurts so bad she said that since I have had this (about 8 months) That things were so diffrent that she thought I was making all of this up due to anxiety. I would try do go out but somtimes it was just too much for me all the time. So she said she is not going to sit here for another 6 months she needed to live her live. So I basiclly said go live your life then. It hurts so bad but if they truly cared they would be there no matter what life brings.

 
Old 05-16-2007, 02:52 PM   #15
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Re: My boyfriend ended our relationship, and my head symptoms were a part of that

Quote:
Originally Posted by xtremeoo View Post
Wowwwweeee this same thing has just happended to me over the past week. My Girl friend of 2 1/2 years ended our relationship because of my inner ear disorder. It hurts so bad she said that since I have had this (about 8 months) That things were so diffrent that she thought I was making all of this up due to anxiety. I would try do go out but somtimes it was just too much for me all the time. So she said she is not going to sit here for another 6 months she needed to live her live. So I basiclly said go live your life then. It hurts so bad but if they truly cared they would be there no matter what life brings.
Sorry to hear it has happened to you too.

If she truly loved you she would still be there, the right person will come along
and love you no matter what, sometimes these things happen for a reason.
Take care
Jayne

 
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