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Old 07-03-2007, 03:29 PM   #1
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dizzyandsad HB User
Angry Angry and Bitter

So feeling a little angry and bitter so this is a vent! I know I shouldnt be so jealous of all the "normal" people but I cant help it. Today have been feeling bad dizzy and nauseous and heavy head (speculation is it is due to starting new VRT's a week ago) Well today we were supposed to go to a party at a family friends house and I really wanted to go but felt too yucky didnt want to watch hubby drink (I cant) and chase kids away from bonfire. So i told hubby go have fun without me and now i am home by myself taking care of the kids while he is out living a life i want to be living. And tomorrow we are supposed to go to the beach al day with the same people and I am onyl hoping i feel well enough to go. A day out is hard enough with this horrible wretched illness but chasing a 4 year old and a 1 year old is a difficult task. Anyone else feel jealous and bitter about people out having fun carefree and doing everything you wish you could do?? Some days I just feel like I will never have my life back. I was always out doing things and going to gatherings and now I am home all alone angry and bitter....

 
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Old 07-03-2007, 03:39 PM   #2
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Re: Angry and Bitter

Hey you - big hugs......as soon as I read your post it gave me complete de ja vous....thats JUST how I used to be. I would watch Tv (when I was able to watch motion) and really loose track of the story line as I was just feeling mad that all these actors able to work and carry on - and there was me the opposite. I used to let my husband go out with my kids too and chose not to go as like you it was just impossible at times. Its frustrating and really made me fume and angry - at the world - I would literally howl with sadness. I felt as if I had lost my life, my independance and to top it off had not end date!

What I did to try and get around this was tailor things a little - so we still went out - but it was very much on my terms - so we would go but knew that we would leave as soon as it became too much, that my husband would chase after the kids. As quite frankly simply speaking to some-one would be hard enough- I would even get people to sit in a certain position in a room so that I would feel less dizzy, tell people to stop moving etc etc, honestly! A big help was that my husband also spoke to the specialist about my dizzyness and she explained how awful it was and he was immediately supportive.

But you know..............this is but a blip in your life.........this WILL get better. Hang in there...x

Last edited by willsmomm; 07-03-2007 at 03:42 PM.

 
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Old 07-03-2007, 03:58 PM   #3
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Jaxzilla HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

I know how you feel. I felt like that in the beginning. I love dressing up and going out, in the beginning I couldnt. But the days I felt good I would take advantage and do that, which made me feel human again. Willsmomm is right, it will pass. Just hang in there!!

 
Old 07-03-2007, 04:11 PM   #4
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charlotte67 HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

I TOTALLY understand. I remember the first few months...also remember the hospital after giving birth. Everyone so excited...and I felt like poo. The lights in the hospital making me sick and heavy headed...and I had to entertain nurses, doctors...and friends. Honestly, I was bitter....My first child..and I felt so horrible.

Now after 10 months...I am hosting a party at my home. There will be around 20 people. Am I 100%...no...but high 90's with visual crap. I get tired...the baby is teething so we are up loads during the night. Tonight I feel pukie...but nothing like it started.

Honestly, I noticed a big difference after I started Balance in Chicago's exercises.

Keep them up...be religious about them.

You are doing great!

 
Old 07-03-2007, 07:13 PM   #5
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dizzyandsad HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Charlotte when did you become so positive?? It has been a real struggle for me and you seem to be taking it in stride. I know I am 6 moths behind you but when did you stop feeling like this thing stopped consuming your life. When did you start feeling like someday you may beat this thing. Does it get easier?? Things are soo much better than they were before cause I have rare good days but on the down days I just want to sob cause I have no way to end this battle....I try to be positive I am doing Balances VRT's and have been doing the previous VRT's for 2 months now. I havent taken any meds in weeks, remaining active etc...but doesnt feel like this will ever go away. It may get more manageable but will it ever fade completely??

 
Old 07-04-2007, 06:47 AM   #6
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charlotte67 HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Dizzy...I never had the anxiety some have with this illness. That will really hamper recovery. I was upset, down...but didn't have time to stop. I would get low...often.

It wasn't until February(6 months in)...that I noticed a change for the better. Then the next major improvement was a month later....then when I started binChicago's exercises (may 18th)...6 weeks later, I feel almost normal.

If I had anxiety, I would get some meds to get that out of the way.

Honestly, If I can feel better...anyone can.

 
Old 07-04-2007, 08:38 AM   #7
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tummy2 HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

I have the same problem. Yesterday went out and watched ppl have fun.. got extremely angry...

But Listen.. Your time will come... Right now you have to plan around the illness, but 4 months is not very long in the scheme of things..... You will end up enjoying it even more when you get there.

 
Old 07-07-2007, 08:31 PM   #8
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manybikes HB Usermanybikes HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Hi dizzyandsad:

I'm new here.
Are you bilateral?
I have bilateral vestibular dysfunction. I am not familiar with any of the posters or what there condition is.
I lost function in both ears about a year ago.
I see that many posters report feeling 90% etc and am curious if they are BVD like me.
Yep...living like this sucks. I too get jelous of normal people, since I was one up until about a year ago. Nobody really understands how an inner ear malfunction can literally drain the life out of you.
I am better than a year ago but progress does seem slow. Drives me crazy when I do get a few good days and then crash and burn for a week.

 
Old 07-08-2007, 08:18 AM   #9
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dizzyandsad HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Quote:
Originally Posted by manybikes View Post
Hi dizzyandsad:

I'm new here.
Are you bilateral?
I have bilateral vestibular dysfunction. I am not familiar with any of the posters or what there condition is.
I lost function in both ears about a year ago.
I see that many posters report feeling 90% etc and am curious if they are BVD like me.
Yep...living like this sucks. I too get jelous of normal people, since I was one up until about a year ago. Nobody really understands how an inner ear malfunction can literally drain the life out of you.
I am better than a year ago but progress does seem slow. Drives me crazy when I do get a few good days and then crash and burn for a week.


I have no idea whether i am unilateral or bilateral no clue they didnt really test for vestibular loss and I was diagnosed by a neurologist rather than and ENT....

 
Old 07-08-2007, 08:32 PM   #10
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balancechicago HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Quote:
Originally Posted by manybikes View Post
Hi dizzyandsad:

I'm new here.
Are you bilateral?
I have bilateral vestibular dysfunction. I am not familiar with any of the posters or what there condition is.
I lost function in both ears about a year ago.
I see that many posters report feeling 90% etc and am curious if they are BVD like me.
Yep...living like this sucks. I too get jelous of normal people, since I was one up until about a year ago. Nobody really understands how an inner ear malfunction can literally drain the life out of you.
I am better than a year ago but progress does seem slow. Drives me crazy when I do get a few good days and then crash and burn for a week.
You can respond just as well to the VRTs. It will take longer, but you too will get better.

 
Old 07-09-2007, 03:07 PM   #11
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Re: Angry and Bitter

I know exactly how you feel Dizzy & Sad. In fact, when I first came onto the board to try to figure out this blasted thing, I saw your username and could totally relate. Dizzy and Sad - yep, that's me! I think that's ALL of us! This illness changed our lives, that is for sure. In the beginning I would literally sob in bed (I don't cry easily) and wonder if the rest of my life would be like this. I would watch TV and think to myself, "Look at that person! They can freely move their head around and not even think about it! Look how HAPPY they are!" And even my kids (4) and husband - laughing, and jumping and playing - it would depress me so so much because I wanted to get out of bed and play with them and feel NORMAL again.

This board with the underlying theme of "You will get better in time" is what helped me survive. Now, almost 5 months later since I got Labyrinthitis, I do feel like life will eventually get better. I have even gone to a couple of musicals if you can believe it. Yep - loud music, flashing lights, etc. Of course I had to close my eyes a lot and a few times I stuffed cotton balls into my ears, and I also felt kinda poopy, but I still went. I definitely feel better than I did 5 months ago. Little by little things are getting better.

Hang in there! Did you ever quit caffeine and smoking? You definitely might want to try that because anxiety can make things so much worse and for me, those two things cause major anxiety.

 
Old 07-09-2007, 03:50 PM   #12
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alexiwildchild HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

i've had my spell ongoing of dizziness for 30 days now, and i feel the same. it's like no one who hasn't had this has no idea how it feels and thinks you're crazy or that you can just get over it. i get angry every day and have had about 4 crying bouts since last night. i feel like there's no hope, but i am so glad i found this board...apparently it isn't forever in most cases and that you can get back to normal. it's like i cry to God every day hoping that i will wake up the next morning like i used to be, but it hasn't happened yet. i look around at everyone else and am jealous. stupid commercials with people dancing around on the beach and singing just infuriate me. i just call my dad or my grandmother to get support and they always make me feel better. i think that is the most important thing for everyone right now, is to have people that support you and encourage you that things will be ok. i just wish that day was today. i feel like i am no longer myself, which used to be energetic and vibrant...now i feel like a slug and shut-in. i want me back!!!!! it sucks that you can't reach in and reclaim it....
keep positive is the best thing, but it is sooooo difficult. i just think of the proverb that goes soemthing like this...

"i once cried because i had no shoes, until i met a man who had no feet". i guess my point is, that things could be a lot worse. find things that make you smile and concentrate on all the blessings that we do have, when you start to get bummed. this too, shall pass.....

 
Old 07-09-2007, 04:15 PM   #13
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centaur1201 HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

WOW! You have written how I feel exactly! I too go to bed every night secretly crossing my fingers and praying to God that I will wake up in the morning with everything back to normal. Man, I have been down on my knees crying and sobbing my heart out and praying to God with all my will asking for a miricle healing. I am miles from were I was when this first started for me in October, but I am still having days of feeling woozy and "sensitive", and I hate it. Last month was fantastic, but as the month started comming to an end, the dizzines and "sensitivity" started creeping back up on me, and I seem to be in a patern of having a good day here, with a few minor spots of wooziness, and a day that is ALL messed up, and I feel like I'm on a *******' boat.
I agree about keeping positive, and counting the blessings that I (we) do have. Not taking on the role of a vicim is very important to healing. Instead of being mad about my situation, I try to get mad at it which makes me get pro-active, and so I do things to try to squash this monster. I.e. MEP's, getting out, going to work and trying to keep busy, playing with my dogs, interacting with my family ect.. as opposed to sitting aroung and feeling crappy. I try act as much as I can as the "old " me, and sometimes I find that even if I get dizzy while having a good time, I am willing to shrug it off because I'm happy, and it seems to go away faster.

 
Old 07-09-2007, 04:36 PM   #14
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dizzyandsad HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Quote:
Originally Posted by missy7777 View Post
Did you ever quit caffeine and smoking?
I have cut out most of my caffiene. I used to drink a few cups of coffee a day and not I cut to one cup of tea (this brand has 1/2 the caffiene as a cup of coffee. I still smoke but no way I can give that up. I used to drink and party a lot before this and now i dont drink or party anymore and i'm not very much fun now lol. I have changed a lot of things for this illness and I guess that adds to the bitterness I have as well!!

 
Old 07-10-2007, 10:13 AM   #15
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sheriff56 HB User
Re: Angry and Bitter

Dizzyandsad, I have made this comment many many times, I know it gets us all down not having a "normal" life anymore, but I always stop and ask myself, would I rather my kids had this or my Darling Husband or my aged unwell parents, and the answer is always NO I wouldn't wish this upon any of them, this always makes me feel better???
Jayne

 
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