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Old 10-22-2007, 08:36 AM   #1
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DizzyandSadsMom HB User
Question Help Needed To Help My Daughter

boy just wrote whole book and some how post didn't make it thru...o k here is my dilemma.....i can relate first of all to an inner ear disorder,,,was about 2021 yrs old ,,got hit upside head and had perforated ear drum had the high temps the equallibrium off for many months how long i cant remember,,,,was in hospital etc...mind u thru this all i did have a 1-2 yr old again cant remember...had job all the nasty perks of adulthood...and i wasn't as "strong" as my daughter keeps telling me i was(and that is telling me in huffy tone) i didn't like any of it but i had to deal with it cuz had no choice....my daughter has come down with labs as they call it back in march..went to the e r visits or watched kids while they went..took her to every appt drove her kid to school to help out took her to all appts etc...and couldn't stress enuogh to make sure ate veggies etc to bring and keep immune system up..again i get chided for telling her to eat her "spinach"..i am trying hard here people lol...she seems to have gotten better in past couple of months more so than say this summer....not trying to be hard-butt to her but i am getting head butts for telling her to get out and drive and just don't think you can't do it...mentally you need to retrain brain one would figure to do it all again? and by saying i not doing it no matter what don't feel safe etc i know she has a problem here i am living it with her but we must move thru it no? like get behind wheel and tell self i know i feel ****** but i have to do this?...not gonna let it control me?...and do best to get thru it?...i get i know i know i not as strong as you and i not risking stuff etc.....if i thought would kill her well certainly wouldn't let her do it but geesh...i am at in-pass here now cuz still wont drive any further than 10 minutes down road and alot of times she asks me to go i would love to go on normalcy of it but i feel she just wants me there and is wrong ...she can do it and needs to show self and feel confident more she does it no?..the more you focus on what is outside and all that is going on and is being missed the more you would want to get out there and kick labs butt no???? specially this far along into it..i need advice to help her emotionally as she still convinced she is gonna feel this way for life and her kids need her happy and running around with them and daddy lol...to me seems doing very good alot of days except with this cold she has now but i personally getting sick of when i recommend her to go to friends etc she wont go it says not til she feels better one would think the more you do those things and more stuff the quicker your brain and head and stuff connect quicker?i love her more than life itself but we butting heads far too much for my liking....and yes dizzy you are doing awesome woman and you will get thru it take kids for walk i don't know...i stumped....but i do know i had to show tougher love than i preferred by not driving her to school or if i go to appt i wont drive but will watch one of the kids while she takes other in but i cant hold hand and baby thru the process or wont get the strength to kick labs butt..agn i at standstill here any advice would be greatly appreciated....cuz sick of hearing how she not strong and great like me i wasn't either i just got thru it....cuz i had people counting on me and friends who needed me to be near them lol..figured would post here since she got such great advice over the months i have read most of them and what was said wasn't any diff than what i said thru all this,,but cuz was mom didn't like to hear it i guess

 
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Old 10-22-2007, 09:05 AM   #2
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charlotte67 HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

Glad you found us, and glad you care enough to ask for our opinion.

I think it is hard, this illness hits your confidence and can actually objectively cause anxiety....Sounds like you daughter has been battling both. Not unexpected.

I can understand you getting frustrated that she won't do more...The more you do the more you will get better. That said, it is frightening to live life with this illness...We can feel ok one minute...and feel like we are going to pass out, or fall the next.

I think it is a combination of what you ask. I think she needs to push herself when she is able...I did not have any help, or much of it during the first 12 months of my child's life. I had to drive, get out...do chores...no one else to do them. Some days I made myself ill...That is when I could have really used a mom around.

Do you feel on the horrible days, you could offer her some help? Then on the moderately bad, and somewhat good days...she could push herself more? How does that sound.

She could work on a percentage and daily symptom diary...and if it falls in a bad range...get your help? If you have never had this illness...it is hard to perceive how terrible it is...It has been one of the hardest things I have EVER faced...the chronic nature of it, the ramping up of symptoms that come without knowing why....on and on.

I know it gets to you...as it gets to all of the ones that love us.

I hope this helps.

 
Old 10-22-2007, 09:18 AM   #3
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DizzyandSadsMom HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

yes sounds great and when i had mine like you i didn't have anyone around to help and i did have people around though lol.........i have always helped on really bad ones and most i had her fight thru feeling was only way she could deal and get thru them and learn how to work thru the next ones and they would get easier this i knew from experience and that only...she is on this board you talk to her alot lol.......my feelings were that she was letting it get her down and out deep and no matter what is said doesn't help her at all so i had to make tough call and not let myself get sucked into the daily part of it i know her head is dizzy i feel her pain i do....but if i bring up future and how one day will wake up and actually feel better i get the sad never gonna get better stuff and i cant take that kid of attitude gotta look ahead and push ahead not dwell in the labs themselves and sorry but my opinion is has dwelled too much on it itself and not getting out and living..and that is all i want the labs will subside over time just like they have and will continue t do so if she gets in the life groove...i know from alot i read here and elsewhere that it can take longer if in your head you not believing it can and will get better.....but thanks for your help will post or update as needed but i kept telling her to take the advice on boards and hey see they saying what i have so i am glad of course that isnt as bad as this spring and that isnt as bad as even summer so see my precious love there is a light at end of tunnel just keep up the exercises and getting out and taking walks and getting on with your life and yes i know yah trying and that is super......!!!!!!!!!! of course i am here for you

Last edited by DizzyandSadsMom; 10-22-2007 at 09:19 AM.

 
Old 10-22-2007, 10:37 AM   #4
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Jaxzilla HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

Hi DizzyandSadsmom, You are doing all the right things for her. And you are right she needs to push herself more and needs to build her confidence back for driving. Once she does that, she's reached a big hurdle with this illness. When I first got hit with this inner ear thing, I had to drive myself to work everyday no matter how I felt.

It seems that your daughter suffers from anxiety which doctors say hinders compensation. The best thing for her to do, is to go on with here daily life as best as she can and be a month to her children. It will pass, as you are a prime example of it. How long did you suffer?

Great to hear how supportive you are!!
Cathy

 
Old 10-22-2007, 10:44 AM   #5
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Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

cant remember how long it took just know was an itch to get thru so i have understood where she was coming thru and yes i have reminded her how i was example that inner ear things could get thru but who wants to hear that from their mom when they feel like crap the anxiety is what i have thought held her prisoner to this illness more so than anything and that that prevents her from having confidence to get behind wheel alone etc..cuz she does fine everytme i am in car with her regardless of how she felt in morning when woke up(so makes me think just wants the crutch of mom with her i dont know) so she just has to accept everything about moving on good eating walking driving everyday stuff getting otu in world more than has and she been doing good mind yah too not chiding her for that,,has to be prodded mind yah )and being alive and will get thru it worst part is when we all give in to it in our heads and let it take control of what we do and dont do so yeah maybe i am strong but only cuz i dealt with it and got thru it agn like rest of you had no choice lifes duties called and she needed me daily since she was little kid

Last edited by DizzyandSadsMom; 10-22-2007 at 10:46 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 10-22-2007, 12:19 PM   #6
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Jaxzilla HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

I have to say you are dead on about this!!!!

Cathy

 
Old 10-23-2007, 12:36 AM   #7
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sheriff56 HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

Hi D & S's Mom, Glad you found us and hope D & S is feeling ok right now.
I wish I'd had my mom around at the worst time, she lives a distance away and it wasn't possible, your daughter is lucky to have you on her side.
I agree with Charlotte 100%.

It may be worth doing a task list a different more challenging task every day, when thats done move on to the next. If its a struggle you could offer to help, if you don't try the task you don't know if you can do it, your daughter may suprise herself, I did.

Staying healthy and good diet is important, thats just something else to focus on. . .good point!

I too hated driving any further than I had to, but I did it for the sake of my kids. . . very active teenagers with large social lives!! My first long journey was forced upon me when both parents were admitted to hospital different hospitals 200 miles from me and 50 miles from each other, I had no option but to get in the car and do it, but I did and haven't looked back since.

You are right the head can take control here but none of us should let it do so or you end up facing another load of problems. It's been over 2 years for me now and reading some of your daughters posts remind me of how I desperate I felt at times. She will get better it just takes time.

You are a great Mom and you have a great Daughter.
Jayne

 
Old 10-23-2007, 05:19 AM   #8
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DizzyandSadsMom HB User
Re: Help Needed To Help My Daughter

she has reminded me this am that she doesnt think i mentioned that i push her hard to do stuff and that there are times am itchy cuz she asked for driver or sitter......what she doesnt get is right after she got this youngest daughter moved out who was my worst nightmare as far as raising a daughter..(much better of course now that we dont share same space)(but i never got chance to catch my stress levels back after past 6 yrs of dealing with my last teen.so i never got to breathe after youngest left in march same time d&s's labs started so havent had any breaks and yes i get testy if always asked for help cuzd dannggit i need break too..and i havent gotten one yet after 25 yrs of raising kids a little break was all i wanted or maybe to be needed as far as going to park or libvbrary with kid whatever not to just hey ma i feel crappy can yah drive me,,,can yah take me,,,, heyi need yah to watch kids to jeff can take me to...........this loving ole mommma who isnt that old is worn out.....

 
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