centaur1201

Hi everyone!
It has been a long time since I posted, a very long time. I have been focusing on living life and my recovery. I have discovered many interesting things along this adventure about my self, my limitations and reaching beyond those limitations.
Just a refreasher, for those of you reading and who do not know me. I was originally diagnosed with BPPV over a year and a half ago. I assume, although not officially diagnosed with, that I had/have some VN with that. I did do MP's for well over a year and that was all as far as any type of therapy. I started to taper off back in November of 2007, gradually reducing the MP until I was doing them 1x a week, and then 1x every other week etc... I have now gone 5 months without any excersises at all!
I have noticed several things. One being that as I changed my perception of this disease that it got much better. I did not focus on the problem and let it freak me out when it came around or was having a bad day. I realised that much of it WAS only a perception of a sensation that wasn't truthful. What I mean is that, when I got dizzy or felt like the room was moving, thatI knew it was not, and therefore was able to relax, let it happen and knew that it would pass. And it did. More and more it has started to fade into the background. I am able to do things I thought I would not be able to do, although there are still things I can not. (At one point there were several months where I could not even tap my foot to music because the vibration of it would make me dizzy! ) The point is, that when this all started for me I thought , I feared, that I would never have a normal feeling day in my life again. It has seemed like a very long time, and the progress was agonisingly slow, but I also was open to the acceptence that well, maybe this would be something that I would have to live with for the rest of my life, and if that was a fact that I would have to find a way to cope and live this life. So I moved on, when I felt dizzy I pushed it aside and went on with that day best I could with out letting the fear freeze me. It would usually go away in about a day.
This summer I did a couple of things that streached beyond what I thought I would be able to do a year and a half ago. First, I got on a plane and went to France. I was terrified of getting on that plane and having the dizzies, I could not tell you how scared I was. I was never afraid of flying before until this problem. But I did it, and even made it through 6 hours of constant turbulence. I will admit that I had 5mg of Valium to help me out with the panic part, but I made it through. I was afraid it would wreck havoc on my ears, but it did not bother them a bit. The second thing I did was climb up to the second level of the Eiffel Tower with my husband. I did start to cry from fear up there, but my husband, bless his heart, quickly calmed me down, and let me grab on to him all the way back down those stairs. It was the slowest descent in the history of man kind! I swear I saw a snail pass me by!
He did want me to take a boat ride down the Seine, but I said "No Way", I DO know my limits and just was exausted from the challenge of the climb.
I guess the whole purpose of this post is to just give all of you some sense that there can be an end for this nightmare. Be gentle to yourselves, because it will take time and patience to get better. But it can happen.
I feel terrible for those of you that suffer, I know how hopeeless, frustrating, and terrifing it feels to be dizzy all the time.My heart goes out to you. I know all the questions that race through your mind. But when you find yourself asking, "Will this EVER end? Will I ever feel normal?" Tell yourself..."YES." and keep telling yourself that, even if part of you is saying no. Push that aside, be strong. The power of your mind to help assist in your healing process is very strong, and very important.
I wish the best to all of you, don't give up hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!