Please advice me. I am afraid of others' success. especially the ones that I think they will copy from me (my so-called success secrets). Though I am not (yet) successful today. But I know I will get there. For example, my physique goal. I am really getting there. six pack abs. low body fat. etc. But I am afraid that others (my friends and people I know) will be able to know what I am doing (my so-called secrets) that they will also be successful in physique. I guess one of the things that bothers me is if a socially skilled and successful person becomes also physically successful (six pack abs, low body fat, etc) then I don't have anything above him since I am awful at social skills... :-( how can I remove this from my attitude. is this normal? This also prevents me from having lots of friends. Please help. Thanks.
The following user gives a hug of support to Micky3: H Angel (01-23-2011)
Change your attitude. Share your secrets (successes) and ask others about theirs. The more interested you are in people, the more you won't feel the need to compete.
Don't believe you have superioritiy above others. It's a long fall from the pedestal you've put yourself on. You'll never be happy how you're thinking that this point....and you certainly don't have all the answers.
Six pack abs is not the end all or be all of life.
It's your attitude to change....life isn't a competition...it's more humble and open-minded. Difficult..yes. Challenging to function in a more level state...absolutely!
It's all a matter of perspective!
Actually, we all live in a community where we all interact with each other. You have to share your "success secrets" with others, you need to help others. Six pack abs is not a big deal, I thought you were going to be talking about a PhD research or something
Anyway, you have to understand that helping others will help you be more successful and be a better person. This will give you the social skills you need to have a good life !!!
I mean even in your job, you can't just say I won't share my "success secrets" so I can be better. As an example, I work in IT and it's very competitive career, and the more knowledge I share with others the better I get. You might not realize this at the beginning but with time you would !!!
Share more and don't worry about things you shouldn't worry about Micky.
Actually I'm going to come from a different angle here ... I think it is actually normal for him to feel this way. Society has rammed these thoughts and images down our throats ever since Richard Simmons was a baby. Be proud of your 6 pack but try to make the effort everyday to interact with other ppl ... it could take you ages and to make it easier - start with just making small idle chit chat with strangers , elderly at the busstop etc or the checkout lady at the store, talk about the weather , or the telly whatever you feel is really comfortable.
It sounds more like a social phobia more than anything. We become so insular in our thinking sometimes it gets the better of us and magnifies an issue that doesnt really need to get to this stage.
Its a normal human reaction to feel both insecure and yet secure, you are holding onto what makes you feel good about yourself.
Alas, life is constantly growing, evolving and changing. Its called 'Growing into an Adult' ... they didnt say growing up was hard for nothing ... and hey you must be because you have gone to the effort to ask for others opinions!
Some folks always stay the same and think that life is all about competition, when you learn otherwise a whole new side of life will open up to you !
Like I said, it's not easy = but a hard body is nothing without an open and evolving mind =
Sometimes I have the same feeling as if someoone stole success from me, especially if the "secret" was known to me first. But try to change your attitude so that your "failure" will encourage you to work harder.
why does this fear have to be "bad?" maybe it's your gift, a blessing. i say enjoy it and accept it as a part of who you are. i mean i definitely know how you feel and i've always thought i was messed up for "thinking" like that but i realized it's not me thinking a certain way, it's just how i feel. and then of course, i realized it's all perspective; whether you make that bad or good is all in your head. sure, you can say that's being in denial and living in your own world... but who doesn't? but most importantly, other's success, as well as your own, is in the end, irrelevant to your life in general, so who cares? but then again... we do care, so what's the answer? there is and isn't an answer. i rant too often, my bad, i'll leave it at this
Nothing wrong with wanting to keep your success secrets. If you do share them and someone else achieves success using them, do you think for one second they will give you credit and say, "Oh, Micky3 showed me how to do this?" No way - if someone can rip off a little credit for themselves at the expense of another, they will do so. Why? People are selfish and greedy by nature. Many people are credited with doing and making innovative things when, in reality, it was a friend or a co-worker they stole the idea from.
This may be an odd comparison, but I see this a lot among artists who sew. They get asked for their patterns ALL the time, and many do not share. It's because their living is made from sewing, and if everyone has the pattern, they would lose customers who make their own things with the free pattern, and then those people might take their things and sell them without so much as giving an ounce of credit to the original artist.
I'm someone who looks upon professional artists with serious contempt, especially when I can see they are less talented than myself. I am angry that this person who is less qualified than myself is making a good income and getting loads of recognition when I wasted four years of my life in college getting a degree in art and I haven't achieved any creative success.
Basically, I've personally found that helping people means they will take advantage of your kindness. It's not a good position to put yourself in if you've got any sort of social issues.