I am willing to do anything in order to have the guy not leave...I try to be the perfect woman for them and they always leave anyways...my PE chases them away is the only thing that makes sense for them leaving...there are 2 ways men react to me
1. they ignore me completely
or
2. they date me for a short time, have sex with me and run
I didn't even get my first kiss until I was 18.
That may be your problem. No one can force someone to stay with them. And there may be something you're doing that's chasing them away and I don't think it's your PE. It's easy to blame everything on your PE. But I'm pretty sure your negativity and needy attitude is where the blame should be put. If you can't fix the PE now, why not fix the things that you DO have control over?
And if you didn't know you had the PE until you applied to the army, I'm sure it's not as noticeable as you think it is! I just Googled PE and guess what? My current guy has this! And I'm not scared of this, chased away by it, or any of the other excuses you THINK is going on in your situation. And trust me, he's not stopping his life because of it! I actually like it . I always place my hand on his chest and trace it with my fingers, give it a little gentle kiss, or whatever. So just consider that it may not be the PE that's chasing them away.
I don't try to force them to stay. I try to make them happy so they don't want to leave. My PE is what is chasing guys away. I've looked at my PE and it's digusting looking. I wasn't anything special to look at before (I'm not blessed with looked...if I were to rate myself I would say my looks are below average) but now I'm even uglier than I originally thought.
You say you have no skills and are unemployed. Your outlook on life is totally grim and depressing and you have obviously been hurt in the past by men which I am sure doesn't help your self esteem. The number one thing you can do to help fix your PE and your chances of having a baby (by 30 or ever) is changing your attitude!
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking the world is going to end. There are plenty of people out there with conditions much worse than your own. Take on a positive attitude, it's hard to do it when life has you so down, I know, but try to find 1 thing everyday that makes you happy or that you like about yourself.
You are worrying over your friend who you think will hate you and stop talking to you when he gets back from his tour in the military. Your attitude might be the main reason why he is avoiding you. Not trying to sound harsh, but I have a friend who is very negative and only sees the worst in everything, it's like he sucks the energy right out of everyone around him, and nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy. Someone else mentioned that a person who can't accept you for you (PE and all) isn't worth having around. I support my negative friend, his faults and all, though it can be a real strain on me sometimes I continually try to help him see the things that are good in his life that he should be thankful for.
You have decent typing skills, you can spell words and function on a computer obviously if you are on this message board. I am sure that you can find SOME kind of job, which would be a start to getting your life on track. Even if it's working retail or food services....it's a paycheck and it's also a chance for insurance and a chance to meet friends and possibly people to date. Yeah, nobody wants to work a crap-o job, but it's money for now and a start. If your PE is that big of a setback for your physical self esteem, start putting some money aside for seeing a doctor about it. Big life changes don't happen overnight, but you have to start somewhere.
As for the baby/biological clock, you should really really look into getting your life on track and focusing on your self esteem issues before you even think about having a baby. Millions of people have children after age 30! Just try to relax, and focus on you (yes even YOU have good qualities about you!) focus on getting yourself together and happy.
Even if you have to work a crappy job for a while, you never know what might come out of it...sometimes the best things happen in places you would never think to look for them. You really have no other legitimate reason for not being able to have a baby over the age of 30 besides a nightmare you had....so just calm down, take it easy 1 day at a time. I am sure sooner or later you'll meet a guy and be blessed with children
You are worrying over your friend who you think will hate you and stop talking to you when he gets back from his tour in the military. Your attitude might be the main reason why he is avoiding you. Not trying to sound harsh, but I have a friend who is very negative and only sees the worst in everything, it's like he sucks the energy right out of everyone around him, and nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy. Someone else mentioned that a person who can't accept you for you (PE and all) isn't worth having around. I support my negative friend, his faults and all, though it can be a real strain on me sometimes I continually try to help him see the things that are good in his life that he should be thankful for.
I don't tell him what is going on with me right now because I don't want anything to distract him while he is over there...the messages he keeps ignoring are "Hey just wanted to make sure you're ok, stay safe", and "haven't seen you posted in a while, wanted to see how you are"...only posted when he hasn't posted in 2 or more weeks and he comes on shortly after and responds to everyone else's superficial posts of "Hey I'm pregnant" or "Hey I'm getting married" and ignores my posts...my posts to him aren't negative....I can only try to fool myself by telling myself he is just too busy for so long (because if that were the fact, he wouldn't have time to respond to everyone else's posts)...and have to face the fact that he hates me. And I don't blame him one little bit.
Did you do something to him that would make him hate you? It's a pretty strong word and I doubt that is the case. I wouldn't get to worked up about it until he gets back, obviously he means a lot to you so I am sure you can work through whatever might be wrong and salvage the friendship. I definitely would not let communication via Facebook judge if he hates you because he ignores posts you make. Just take it 1 step at a time, wait til he comes back just play things casual and cool for now.
No, the only thing I did was fail to enlist...what else am I suppose to think when he comments to everyone else's remarks and mine are the only ones left uncommented on...
yeah he does mean a lot to me, he was my first kiss and my first love...
I had my first child at 31 and am working on #2 soon. Also have a step daughter. You are not old, I have a ton of friends who have had healthy children in their late 30's.
Also, there is something more to your story when it comes to a job. You said you can't even be a cashier because you got fired. You don't just get fired for no reason. Did you do something that got you fired from your jobs?
__________________
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK
Last edited by Belly Kelly; 05-14-2011 at 11:20 AM.
When I got fired, the reasons they gave is that I was rude to customers, and didn't bag the groceries right. Both are untrue, I was never rude to customers, in fact I was the only cashier who checked customer's eggs for them to make sure their eggs weren't broken and if they were I called a CSS (customer Service Supervisor) to get the customer a new carton of eggs, always asked if they found everything they needed and if not, I would let them know where in the store the item was that they couldn't find for the next time they came in...As far as bagging went, I bagged canned items together, eggs separately sometimes with bread and that was it...cold items together, box items together...soaps were always put in their own bags away from food products to avoid any contamination...if anything was wrong I did my best to fix it, or for problems that I didn't have the authority to fix, I called a supervisor or a manager. But my efforts apparently weren't good enough and I was still fired. (btw it was Walmart that fired me so now it's even harder for me to find work)
edited to add, that another reason they gave is that I was tired...and I will admit that I was tired, my grandma had just come home from the nursery home where she was recovering from a blotched stint surgery where her artery burst and she went into cardiac arrest...resulting in bed sores (because the hospital didn't have her on the correct mattress when she was in a coma for a few weeks because they had to cut her open to manually massage her heart when it stopped and there was swelling and her left foot being cut off)...she was just learning how to get around in the wheelchair so I was working 9 hours then going home, cleaning the house and making dinner and taking care of her (when she was just started to cook again, she nearly set the house on fire twice)...plus I was doing all the yard work, taking care of my pets as well as my grandpa's pets. and had insomnia (only getting 1-2 hours of sleep a night, even after taking a sleeping pill) so yeah, I was tired.
Hello! It's funny actually, because I am 27 right now and my biological clock is definitely ticking. I have always wanted to have my first child before I turn 30, because I always wanted to be a younger parent. Now that I have a recent boyfriend (only dating for a few months, but it has become quite serious as we met each other's parents, etc), I don't think I want to have a baby quite yet. I missed my period last month after messing up on a couple pills, but remain confident and hopeful that I am not pregnant yet. He reassured me that he would not go anywhere and would be around if I was pregnant, and that gave me a sense of security. We keep a list of activities we want to do together, and if I were pregnant, we would not be able to do many of them. Financially, we are not ready for a baby either. There are so many things I want to do with him that involve drinking (we both enjoy it socially) and if we had a baby now, we would not be able to do any of them. Thus, as long as I am not pregnant right now, I am going to be a lot more careful to wait until we are both ready to settle down.
well there isn't a list of things I want to do that is stopping me from having a baby...there isn't much I can do anymore...The only jobs I am qualified for are jobs that make me feel worthless and stupid, I don't have the money or the brains to go to college, I don't want to travel...But being a mother is something that is worthwhile.
I hope you get to do all the things you and your boyfriend want to do
Take anything I say with a grain of salt because it's just one stranger's opinion, but it sounds like you feel there is nothing left for you to do in life but have a baby so you can try to succeed at something. The thing is, though, that anyone can have a baby - being a good parent and/or enjoying it is another story, but just plain old getting pregnant is something teen girls do with no effort at all in their date's car on prom night. Would any feelings of success be long-lived knowing you accomplished something people have been doing out of instinct since the dawn of mankind?
Babies won't make you feel better or more accomplished - if anything, they will place further physical, mental, emotional and financial burdens on you. Odds are, you will feel worse caring for a child, and I would also be concerned that you are essentially giving a potential baby a job before it's born: the job of making its mother feel better. When the child fails to fulfill the obligation you place on it, you will begin to resent him or her.
No one's holding a gun to your head and saying you need to have a baby right now. Honestly, you in no way sound like you're ready for one. If you get past 35 or 40 without having kids, why not adopt or foster? A baby's a baby, right? If you want a perfect white baby, you might have some trouble, but children of other ethnicities or who are older than freshly born are easier to adopt.
Maybe there's a way to get your kid fix without subjecting yourself to two decades of servitude. Far, far too many women listen too much to the biological clock and end up resenting their kids and regretting having them because they didn't take much time to think about their choice.
I hope you may find something that makes you feel fulfilled - I really doubt it's parenthood, though. That's what a vast majority of people turn to when they think their lives aren't complete and I'd say in at least half of those cases, having kids made them feel more empty than before. And when you're stuck with a kid you regret having, you can't give it back like a shirt that didn't fit.
I apologize if I'm being a pessimist - I just personally do not see a child making you happy and I'd hate to see you dig yourself into a deeper hole. Like I said, take my words with a big grain of salt; I'm child-free and I guess I just naturally do not at all see the allure of a child. However, that doesn't mean I don't understand what it's like to feel useless, to get fired (or not hired at all) from everything and to just feel like I'm going nowhere at all. I don't have any physical ailments, so I cannot relate to that part.
If none of what I said is helpful at all, then please accept some digital hugs and just me hoping you can find whatever it is you need.
. I always place my hand on his chest and trace it with my fingers, give it a little gentle kiss, or whatever. So just consider that it may not be the PE that's chasing them away.
