I'm 27 years old and my biological clock is ticking. Dirty diapers, crying babies, 2 am feedings, all the stuff that people normally tell you to think of to quiet it (because they are considered the bad parts of parenthood) don't scare me. I want a baby. Problems are:
1. I don't have a job and no one around me is hiring.
2. I am single and that doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon
But even those two problems hasn't quieted my Biological clock. All I keep thinking of if I don't have a baby before I'm 30 I never will. I refuse to give birth after 30 because of all the health risk. I get the feeling that if I do have a baby after 30, I will die in child birth.
So even though it might ruin my chances of ever having a baby, I still need to quiet my biological clock because I can't afford a baby...How to I quiet it?
The following user gives a hug of support to Ratties: Morehope (09-04-2011)
I do occasionally babysit a 15-month old little boy..he throws things around, gets into everything, runs around, tortures my pets and has temper tantrums...but everytime I baby sit him my clock get louder and I want a baby of my own more and more.
Hey now, a pregnancy isn't even considered "higher risk" until age 35. Saying you refuse to have a baby after age 30 is silly. I have the same feelings as you and understand but please try to realize that you still have plenty of time to have a healthy pregnancy. You really do still have ages of time for a perfectly healthy pregnancy.
See if your local community college has a class designed to help people looking for work. Once you have a job, you can join a dating website. Your dreams could all come true within a few years, but to put such a strict time-line on it is really unnecessary. Whether it happens at 29 or 32 or 35, it will be okay
I tried dating sites...3 or 4 of them and didn't get any responses...I don't know if I can even date with my Pectus Excavatum (posted about it in Bone Disorders)...but I can't afford that surgery...back to dating sites, I never know what to put on my profile...especially the about you...I'm just me, nothing really special so I never have anything to put there...and Talents is always blank because I don't have a natural born talent either...so I deleted all my profiles on dating sites...
You write as if you are lonely and think that having a baby might fill that void for you. A baby won't fill that void. If anything, raising a baby all alone will just emphasize your loneliness. You also sound like you don't have a great love for yourself, which is a terrible way to start out motherhood (children are very impressionable.... you don't want your child to grow up feeling worthless and unloveable!).
I recommend you first start with learning to love yourself. You do have something you are good at, you just have to figure out what it is and then figure out how to make it work for you. I never had any obvious "talent" either. I loved dance, music, art, etc, but I only ever showed potential, and never really had the talent to do anything with it. I started thinking I didn't have any talent at all. Then someone pointed out to me that I am great with kids (they LOVE me). I started realizing that many people aren't that good with kids and that kids were my talent. Someone later pointed out that I love to help people and am very compassionate. Helping people is a talent of mine, too. I also enjoy taking pictures of kids and do it pretty well. These are things that make me who I am.
You need to find out what makes you YOU. If you can't think of anything off the top of your head, start looking up things that interest you and try them out. A lot of craft stores have classes (crafty stuff, like sewing, painting, woodworking, etc) you can sign up for. Places like Home Depot or Lowes offer other kinds of classes and seminars (building, gardening and stuff like that). Your local library might offer other classes and seminars. A lot of those classes are free, too. You might find you enjoy taking a cooking class. Try a lot of different things and figure out what you enjoy and are good at.
You might find that you make more friends a long the way to finding what makes you YOU. Enjoy time out with friends. Don't stress so much about meeting Mr. Right. He'll come around when the time is right for you.
I didn't even meet my husband until I was 28 (we got married 7 months later), and had my first baby when I was a month from turning 30. I've had 3 others since then (my last was born when I was 36), and they are all perfectly healthy and perfectly happy children. Oh, and I'm still alive too!
As far as the pectus excavatum.... friends (female and male) worth having are those who love you unconditionally. Anyone who has a problem with any part of you isn't worth keeping around!
Take a deep breath, and relax. You are SO not ready to start having kids now. You need to figure your own self out first! Good luck!
I don't have any talents, I fail at everything I do. I failed at finding a modeling agent (I used to like having my picture taken and being on stage in costume), I failed at being a girlfriend (all my boyfriends leave me and then say that we weren't dating but just having fun), I failed at being a cashier (been fired multiple times), failed at getting my driver license (Can't pass the driving test), I failed at enlisting in the military (because of the pectus excavatum)...I fail at everything, I might as well say that I failed at being a human...I've lost friends due to, not only my pectus excavatum, but because of the pectus excavatum, but because I'm a military reject...there isn't anything about me to love...I'm glad the war is basically over but am dreading the return of one of my friends who is deployment because I know when he comes home he is going to tell me to get lost and never talk to him again...because why would someone who was good enough to enlist want anything to do with someone who isn't...Losing his friendship is going to kill me, because he was my first love, and my kiss...the thought of him hating me is very painful.
Oh, sweetie, I don't think that's what will happen. Why would he hate you because the military rejected a medical condition you happen to have? Have you been in touch with him at all since he deployed? Why don't you try writing him a letter.
Meanwhile, you need to get something going for yourself. Unfortunately, as long as you believe you are worthless, you're going to keep finding yourself in bad situations. Are you living with your parents? Can they help you get into, say, an internship, or a certificate program at a local college? If you really like caring for children, why not work in a day care, or take up a regular babysitting gig. Perhaps a local church has a nursery school in need of help. Many community colleges offer a 1-2 year degree program for assistant teachers in early childhood education.
Believe me, I ache for children myself. I'm 30, and I always thought I'd at least be pregnant by my 30th birthday. Still, I have plenty of time yet.
Because he is in the military so being associated with me would just embarrass him in front of his colleagues...No, I haven't been in touch with since his deployment...he stopped responding to my messages a couple of months before he deployed but I see he responds to everyone else who posts on his facebook wall, only my posts remain ignored.
Yes, I live with my parents and no they can't help in any way. They are both unemployed themselves and are ashamed of me. I can't afford college, which is why I didn't go when I graduated high school almost 10 years ago. As far as a church goes, I refuse to go to church.
This was my last chance of getting pregnant because I can't date until I figure out how to get the $60,000 or more for the surgery to fix my Pectus Excavatum and I can't have a baby after 30...so I will never get to have a baby. I can't even wear my swimsuits anymore because I don't want any one to see my hideous deformity.
Last edited by Administrator; 05-09-2011 at 05:20 AM.
Reason: removed specific details, dates
Okay, I can't speak for any of your former boyfriends or friends, but I would advise you to go back and take a closer look at those relationships and what really ended them. Did anyone actually say, "I can't deal with your PE, I'm out of here...." Could it more likely be that what they couldn't deal with was your extremely negative attitude about yourself and your PE? When you go around with the attitude that people aren't going to like you, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Thing is, I know plenty of people with really weird looking body issues that are happily married. You know why? They embraced their body issues as a part of who they are. You want a list? My cousin has PE... it's mild, but noticable.... she is happily married and has 6 kids. A good friend had a double masectomy when she was 21. She never got implants or anything, but she now has a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. My neighbor has been missing his right arm from the elbow down since birth.... he's happily married. My best friend was severely burned down her neck and chest.... horrible scars. She is happily married with 3 kids.
And none of the people I mentioned are outwardly stunningly beautiful.... if you didn't know them, you'd say they were mostly just average looking, really. BUT they love themselves and others, and as a result, the people around them can't help but love them back.
I stand by my first assessment. Love yourself as you are right now, PE and all.
PS - Sorry if this came off sounding harsh or mean. I'm just gripey from being up most of the night with sick kids. I tend to lecture when I'm tired and gripey. I don't know you, but breaks my heart to hear you sounding so down on yourself. You wouldn't be here looking for help if you didn't think somewhere deep down inside you are a person worth helping. Just try to be open minded and recognize that the help you are seeking might not be the help that you need.
Last edited by marisuela; 05-04-2011 at 11:20 AM.
Reason: I'm gripey! Sorry....
Hon, the biological clock can be ignored. At 24, my definite resounding "No children" turned to "Maybe". At 26, "Maybe" turned to "One". At 31, I'm still sitting at "One" but I know that I have time. Where's your expiration date? Where, on your body, does it say that you must be a parent by 30 or game's over?
Frankly, all I ever cared about was trying to help the next generation have one member who was raised to make the world a better place, even in a small way. That and I don't want to be 65yo when my child (birth or adopted) is 20yo. And adoption, while a lengthy and complicated process, gives me more time since older children deserve good loving stable homes just as much as an infant. (which means I can adopt an older child at a later age in life).
Please start a discussion with a counselor or therapist or a supportive mentor. All I see from your posts are negatives about you and your options in life. I know that you are not seeing everything that can be good about you. For one example, you have already demonstrated a very useful trait, single-mindedness. An ability to keep your mind focused on your goal will help you achieve many things throughout your life. This one trait has been gleaned from only a few of your posts. Just think how much more there is to you that you are overlooking.