Comforting Everyone Else - Kidney Disorders Message Board

cathys. · 02-19-2007, 04:34 PM

I am at the very end stages of renal failure. It has been a long, slow decline and I thought everyone understood that this stage would come.
I have found that I have to comfort my family when they call. (we're all in different states).. They cry, I tell them everything will be okay. They get angry, I explain that things like this just happen and we have to deal with it.

I don't feel like I can let them know how bad I really feel. I don't have the energy to cheer them up!

They are not selfish people and they don't realize that their frequent phone calls and requests to come to my house is draining my energy. I don't want people just sitting around watching me be sick!

Does anyone have this issue? I hesitate to call it a problem because I know that I am very blessed to have people that care for me. Many people have to go through their illness alone.

mkrsav3 · 02-19-2007, 08:40 PM

WOW! Cathy you sound like a wonderful person. Let me tell you that my heart goes out to you and your family. I do not even really know what to say. I will be thinking of you.

OK...is there anyway that you can give your friends and family a certain time frame that they can call you? They have got to understand that you are very ill and need your rest. I am sure that they do not realize that they are not the only one ringing your phone. They do not think about the fact that you may have had several other people call you right before they did and now you are having to repeat yourself over and over again. & YOU NEED A NAP!

Is there one person that you trust and has the time to take your calls or to call and give updates to all of those concearned? That would limit your phones calls drastically. May I ask if you are at home? Is there one certain person that is helping you with daily duties around your house?

I know your loved ones are being selfish and want to hear your voice but they do not realize the pain they are causing. Maybe you could use your answering machine to leave a daily "CATHY REPORT"

And then you could turn all the ringers to your phone off and have some peace and quiet! Hmmm.....that may work. It may iritate a few people, but this is about you....& no one else.

Good luck to you in this tough situation & let me know if you figure out a way to make EVERYONE happy!

Thinking of you! K~

ppsssssssssT.......i promise not to call you tonight!

duzford · 02-20-2007, 08:42 AM

Just remember it is OK to scream. Go out to your car, lock the doors and SCREAM. You'll be amazed how much better you feel. Then come inside, brush yourself off and act as if NOTHING ever happened. Laugh silently as people let at you as if you have totally lost it.

I agree with the last post. Talk to someone who really understands you - a best friend or even us on the posts about how you truly feel.

Cora1003 · 02-20-2007, 12:37 PM

I know (knew, actually) exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing. Sometimes I was too tired to even get mad at the people that wanted comfort from me. What I found helpful was to occasionally give these people little chores. The ones that lived near me could go out for stamps or something like that. I also found that some people were just sucking the energy right out of me and I ended up losing contact. No great loss there. The ones that really drove me nuts were the ones who said something like "I'd give you a kidney but....." Insert your own lame excuse at the dots. I felt like saying "so what your saying is that you really don't want to help me and your going to tell me that to my face. Thanks a lot". Anyway, that was my other pet peeve.

Remember, you can vent here as much as you want, and we will understand.

Take care.

duzford · 02-20-2007, 01:36 PM

Cathy -

I thought you were getting a kidney from your husband. What happened?

We're thinking of you but have no plans to call or visit - just pray!