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Old 08-21-2003, 01:28 PM   #1
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scorpiochik777 HB User
Unhappy I Really Need Help for my 6 yo Nephew?

have a huge delima and maybe someone can give me some helpfull advice.

I have a 6 year old nephew, and from the time he was born to now he has had a traumatic life.
He was conceived unexpectedly and my brother wanted to do the "right" thing by marrying the mother because her parents were catholic and she already had one child out of wedlock.
It was the wrong thing. They fought constantly and my nephews mother loved to drink and scream. My brother was the oppisite, calm and quiet and shy.

My nephew did ok, he started talking at a year old, but one night my brother and his wife got into a terrible argument, (screaming match, who knows what my nephew saw that night.)My brother left as he couldnt take anymore.
After this my nephew stopped talking for almost 2 years.

Now, my brother is dovorced from that woman and happily married again to a woman with 2 children.
The problem is, my nephew started school and things are going horribly.

He is very impatient and hyper. He is mean and disrespectfull and angry, and he has little social skills.
Everyone sees him as the bad kid.
He gets no discipline at his mother house during the week or attention. He pretty much gets up early and goes outside to play, and doesnt come in until dark, with no supervision all day. He is very self reliant.

My mom and I however, know him like no one else and know what he went through.
He can be the sweetest kid if he is in one constant environment with one set of rules.
Too bad this environment is not availible.
His parents go back and forth over issues concering everything from money, to his schooling.

My brother pays child support, plus extra that he doesnt even have to give her, and his mother still complains.
She even says stuff to my nephew about it.

My brother has insurance on him, but his mother still wants them to take him to every doctors appointment and pay the copay.

His mom tells him to tel my brothers wife(of 3 years) that he doesnt have to listen to her because she isnt his mother and that he doestn have to do anything they say because he will tell his mom.

My nephew went through kindergarden last year and did not excel. My brother and his wife would work with him on the weekends and he would learn alot, but his mother wouldnt do anything with him during the week.
He doesnt know hiw whole alphebet and when he writes he often writes letters backwards.
Even the letters in his name.
He also has a very bad memory when it comes to acedemics.

We beleive he has some sort of learning disability, maybe dislexic.
The problem is...his mom will NOT get him any help.
My brother tries to talk to her and she says that it is from him being premature.
My brother went to the school to find out when conference was so he could talk with the teacher about it, and he found that he was not even on my nephews emergency card. His mother had put his stepfather as his father on the card and they told my brother he couldnt change it because she filled out the card, not him.
They went to the attorney and he says that they cant do anything because the mother has all the rights, and unless she is doing something abusive they wont get far in court.

My nephew is two weeks into his REPEATED year of kindergarten and he says he hates it because it is boring and not fun.

I think he just doesnt understand what they are trying to teach him and he doesnt have any friends because of his lack of social skills.

He is actually shy and has low self esteem. Sometimes he will say things like, "I dont like my head, its ugly."
or i will tell him to take off his shirt to go swimming and he says, "nooo, everybody will look at me, and im fat." (he is nooot fat.)

I am completely upset and at a loss for what to do.
I cant watch my first born nephew, my baby, have his life screwd up because his mother isnt mature enough to grow up and take care of her kid.

I dont know what else to do.

I was thinking about going to his school myself but I dont even know if I would be able to talk to his teacher because im not a parent.

It is breaking my heart.

any suggestions?
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Old 08-26-2003, 04:25 PM   #2
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Mont HB User
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It seems like the only way he is going to get anywhere is by being taken out of that home. It may not be easy since he's not being abused but fathers do have rights, and it's in the best interest of the child that he is taken from there.

 
Old 09-11-2003, 10:54 AM   #3
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lymes surviver! HB User
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I am soooooo Glad somebody LOves him!!!


First...educate yourself
start searching sites under learning disabilities or
delayed learning disability,pervasive developmental disability...ther is an org. called "Child Find" in almost every county in the united states. It deals strictly with child hood disabilities and how to get your child test for free! Ask your local elementary school. just because your not his mom dosent mean people wont help. p.s. they dont need to know until your asked ant way!! my son is learning disabeled and that howi got started. second... write down every possible symptom you can think of from the time he was born, head banging, rocking,like swinging ,likes being upsidedown, likes spinning,no fear,not things are understood in black or white...no understanding of grey areas,repeated speaking or actions...like always shutting doors,dosent understand social cues from people...the list go on and on. ADHD is a big one and your nephew sounds like he is showing some of those symptoms. try looking that up. ADHD is also a learning disability. Both my boys have that too! They are 7 and 8. I wish allthe best and dont quit . your instincts are probably right. third, show your findings to your brother and make him listen!!

 
Old 09-13-2003, 04:30 PM   #4
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LuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB UserLuvMyLilDoggie HB User
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Tell your brother to go to another lawyer (one who's up on 21st century law). Fathers rights are being concidered more and more, as they should be. As far as the boy's mother not being abusive-if he's permitted to "run the streets" till night time while his mom's drinking and bad mouthing his dad and stepmom, THAT IS ABUSE!!! It's called NEGLECT! Any GOOD lawyer will tell you that. Research and help him in any way you can. You can make a difference in his life. You seem to love him more than his mom does. Good luck.
Barb

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"Life, for all its agonies...is exciting and beautiful, amusing and artful and endearing... and whatever is to come after it-we shall not have this life again."
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Old 09-19-2003, 09:00 PM   #5
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IHATEMEME HB User
Smile

Yes I also have first hand witnissed this my cousin james is very hyper and out of control possibally it has something to do with my aunt and uncle getting a divorce rules are not inforced if he's a wild one put him to good use martial arts or even some type of sport my cousin is only 4 and he's sponsord by bellflower racing and a whole mess of other things he's a talented BMX racer so i think it would be best to put him in a sport

 
Old 09-22-2003, 09:39 PM   #6
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Hi Scorpio. Father's do have rights, and if there is no custodial papers on file with the school, then he should have full access to the child. That is something that needs to be brought up with the lawyer. Who's last name is he using in school? If he is using your brother's last name, then your brother should be the one listed as father at the school site. He needs to go back in and ask for the PRINCIPAL and have them show him written documentation as to why he can not be on his child's paperwork.

Also, after he gets a lawyer who is willing to stand up for the child...get eyewitness accounts from neighbors. If he is out all day and night, someone around there must see this happening. This is NEGLECT and neglect is a form of abuse. Also, her telling him what to say and how to treat his father is considered abuse too....she is poisoning his mind. Not getting the help the child needs to succeed in life is also neglect.

You just have to find a way to prove it all. And you can do it. Be strong, be supportive and above all be PERSISTENT.

good luck to you
Lindy

 
Old 09-22-2003, 10:24 PM   #7
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jacksinn HB User
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While I was reading your post all I could think of was whether his mother was drinking the whole time she was pregnant? If so maybe this has something to do with the problems he is having?

 
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