Please can anyone help? Dad has Emphysema.
Hi everyone, I am am 18 and a couple of years ago now I found out that my dad had emphysema, although he has had it for about 6 years now, I just wasn't told. At first I didn't live with him but him and my mum got back together just over a year ago and since then we have lived together. I don't know if he is out of breath when hes just sat down, he doesn't seem it, but as soon as he walks a short, even just from out dining room to our kitchen he becomes very loud with his breathing. He has a mobility scooter to get around on as he is physically incapable of walking more than from about one end of our house to the other :/. He gave up smoking about 6 months ago but still has the very occasional one and still drinks too much sometimes which tends to make him more ill. A while ago just better he quit smoking he was really ill, in and out of hospital every few weeks and at one point started turning blue. He is also diabetic. He has oxygen and nebulisers in the house and loads of different medications. I guess what I really want to know if what things are going to be like from here on, I know they wont get better, I just want to know how things will continue to be. And I guess how long he will be around for, I never have any idea weather he has a month left or 6 years, and thats hard. And what is death by Emphysema like? I hate seeing him suffer.
We also have a lot of relationship problems now that we live together, which is horrible when I know hes so ill but I just can't deal with it. He can be very controlling of me and things which are my choice, telling me what courses to do at college, going crazy at the idea of me getting a tattoo and really putting me down even though its my body, lecturing me and making me feel stupid for drinking (and I'm not talking every night binging) I mean going out to clubs every couple of weeks with friends. But its not that stuff thats the problem, its the way he treats me in general, especially when hes drunk, he'll say stupid stuff and tell me all the things I do wrong and basically just rip everything about me to shreds. I don't understand why, all I ever do is help him out, theres never a time he'll ask me to do something and I'll say no, and most of the time I am offering anyway! He treats me horribly when hes drunk and demands ridiculous things aswell as on several occasions calling me a ***** and being generally nasty. I can't say that I am the perfect daughter, of course not, I do go out, and I did get my tattoo, I swear too much, and I don't spend enough time with my family. But I'm 18 years old, and I know kids who are hell worse. Maybe I am stubborn but I find him hypicritical at times, the things he goes crazy at me for are things he does himself. And I HATE that he tries to dictate what I can and can't do with my own body - the tattoo, he put me down so bad for that, it was stupid and disgusting. It was something that meant a lot to me. And the courses I do at college, he puts me down for that too ... It could be worse, I could not be at college at all! He just makes me feel terrible all the time, it doesn't sound like much, but its just little things he sais and does everyday, particularly over the last few days, hes hurt me and stressed me out so bad by going to the pub and coming home being horrible and making me feel horrible when I should have been revising for the exams I have this week :(. He just wont listen, he always has to be right.
I love my dad to bits and I care about him a lot but its hard to know what to do, I feel like if I don't get angry at him I am completely being walked on and I disagree with him so much it just makes me quietly dislike him. But if I do get angry he twists it back on me and makes me feel like a horrible person for it :( Its hopeless I just don't know how to help him. xx
Re: Please can anyone help? Dad has Emphysema.
oh wow, it's a difficult situation you're in. To put it basically, you can't help your dad. he has a lifetime of being the way he is, and now he's very sick. he'll never get better in the way that his lungs will improve, and basically I can only imagine it to feel like having asthma all the time with a feeling of suffocation. My mom died of lung cancer...I have asthma, and can only imagine the continual feeling and know it's uch worse.
Initially, i would suggest you post this in the family relationships forum. The issue isn't his lung illness, it's the most obvious of where he is at this time...
If he didn't have emphysema...would he be the same?
Do you have any siblings?
How is your relationship with your mom?
I think you should consider to seek counselling or therapy, for you cannot do this alone and be objective. It also doesn't allow you to be supported by someone who is unbiased.
It sounds as though you're a very giving person.
have you ever sat down with your dad to ask him about stuff? What was his growing up life at home? How is he with his siblings?
There's lots in play why we are the way we are. Some of us need more from others, and I think every girl needs acceptance from her dad.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home, I did deal with issues after my parents died through therapy.
It was a most important thing for me, and now that I'm much older...I can relate to some of my parents' issues/dysfunction from a different and older perspective.
Hang tough, you're not a horrible person if you're wanting to get help in your situation. It might be ongoing, but the main thing is that if you want to connect with your dad, you'll have to find another strategy.
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