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Old 11-12-2005, 04:11 AM   #1
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overdose

Dear all,

This message is very hard to write for me. Especially to share with lots of people i don't know. But i hope it what i did has taught me something and maybe others who struggle tring to get a diagnosis can learn from it.


I was in hospital for five weeks having tests. Odd things were showing but the team were unable to put together a diagnosis together. I probably left hospital sicker than when i went in. the team new i was very sick and following me up as an outpatient. they want me to have appointment with graham hughes in a month and a couple of other things done. anyhow i was in so much pain in my head when i got home i took an overdose. Of 23 pain kileers. had to go back to hospital and have to be given lots more drugs to sort out overdose. i took it cause i wanted to escape my body that just seems to be going crazy on me. i did not want to be a burden on my family anymore with this illness. what have i learnt. I learnt that taking an overdose would only screw me up more. that i was lucky to have survived it. i have learnt that no matter how desperately sick or frightened or that my body just does not feel right i will believe in myself no matter what. to have courage. the shrinks were supportive of me saying i was going through a terrible time.

Just wanted to give courage to myself ane evryone else by writng this

God bless you all


zoe x

 
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Old 11-12-2005, 06:37 AM   #2
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Re: overdose

Dear Zoe, My heart goes out to you. I've known people---one in particular, in tremendous pain, physical & mental, convulsive, on 20+ meds, in total disarray & profound meltdown. The ONE THING that she grabbed onto---new & better drs., a complete head-to-toe review. It took that to break the long downward spiral.

And so I hope & pray for you, that you absolutely LUNGE at that appt. with Dr. Hughes and reap the benefits of seeing someone with his huge expertise. I want you to have that chance---we all do. I'm glad you checked in here, Zoe. Always, Vee (P.S. More huge hugs!)

 
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Old 11-12-2005, 10:32 AM   #3
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Re: overdose

thanks vee,

Hope you are well. Sometimes it takes a thing like i did to make you believe in yourself in your greatest despair. I had been having what i felt like were seizures and i was frightened out of my mind. i had developed this thing seems to be a sort of movement disorder where i can't keep from walking up and down. i can't stop myself from doing it. anyhow i was crying again in pain and my brother with the problems told me he was going to kill me.

so anyhow i have hit rock bottom but im still here believing in myself and im not going to try the overdose attempt again.


hugs and wellness to you xx

 
Old 11-12-2005, 02:33 PM   #4
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Re: overdose

Hiya Zorm,

I just want to say that you have done such a brave thing by coming here and letting us know how desperate you are. Thanks goodness that you survived, and will live to come through the diagnosis and all of the treatments that will make you feel so much better.

I have spoken about things that happened t me in my younger life with SLE before, but just to refresh a little bit. I have had SLE for over 30 years. I was diagnosed when I was 16 and at that time I had no movement in my body because I also had full body juvenile arthritis. I couldn't bathe myself, I couldn't turn over in bed, I couldn't walk, I couldn't do so many things. I worked so very hard with doctors, nurses, therapists and most of all my wonderful parents who helped me through all that I had to go through.

I was hospitalised for the first time for 8 months and I was encased in plaster of paris for 4 months and cried and fought against wearing this cast when I was expected to do exercises wearing it. I did it though. All of the things I had to do were in the main very hard and one problem lead to another with various treatments, but I stuck it out and fought and fought to get through it.

Since then, I have developed very serious medical problems that have led to my becoming very disabled and when I remember how hard I had to fight when I was younger just to have something to keep me going - my life - then I know that all of the pain and hard work were so worth it. I do battle every day to get through each day. I have lots more problems now then I did when I was 16, but I will not give up.

The point of all of this Zorm is to let you know that, yes I know what is happening to you is so frightening, frustrating, so painful and more so hurtful to your mind. The thing is though, with the right help and love and care from everyone, whether it from all of the people here or the people who you have contact with physically every day, your family and friends in your life you will honestly come through this. From the way I read what you write, you will not give up either. Once you have a diagnosis, then the treatment regime can be worked out and you will feel so much better once that is sorted.

I have had, especially when I was younger, times when I was so much in despair and wondering why this had happened to me at such a young age, but as time went on I worked hard and went on to work, have a good career, travel, marry and all of the thing that most people I know have. The one thing I do now that gives me most satisfaction is that I give emotional support to others who have the same medical conditions as I do. I can't physically do a lot, but I can do this for others and this makes things worthwhile for me.

I hope that by telling you a little of myself, that you will be able to see that you can overcome obstacles and come out the other side. I know you will eventually get sorted out, and if the tests and the consultation with Graham Hughes - lovely man by the way - work out well for you, then you can start on the road to being in control of your life again.

Take care.

goldenwings
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Old 11-14-2005, 09:19 AM   #5
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Re: overdose

Zorm so glad you are getting help and that life will look a little brighter for you. As veej said just keep pushing those docs for the right diagnosis and treatment. Golden has so much caring and knowledge of years of experience, borrow some strength from her and keep going forward.

Glojer

 
Old 11-24-2005, 12:47 PM   #6
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Re: overdose

Thank you all,

For all your supportive messages. i had to go back to hopsital cause of the pain. miraculously they found a drug that worked on me. they reckoned i had got so ill my nervous systmn could not cope with it nay more. so they gave me a drug to help that and my symptons seem a bit controlled for now. two weeks to lupus appointmnet and i have some comfort and pain relief after 11 months . small steps...love good health and wishes to all my kind friends on these boards. zoe x

 
Old 11-25-2005, 05:51 PM   #7
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Re: overdose

So glad to hear you have something to sustain you until your appt. Good Luck and keep hanging in there.

Glojer

 
Old 11-26-2005, 06:45 AM   #8
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Re: overdose

Zorm, Just sending greetings & looking at calendar---waiting for *your* appt. Just wanted you to know that we join you in being eager for that date to roll around. Always, Vee

 
Old 11-26-2005, 08:19 AM   #9
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Re: overdose

Hiya Zorm,

So happy that you have at last got some relief from your pain and that your appointment is almost here.

I know how desperate you have been but try to hang on in there. I do hope that you were able to read my little story of part of my life I posted. It may help you to know that we can and do come through all that is thrown at us. I know it is very hard, but you do shine with a fighting spirit.

Take care.

goldenwings
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Last edited by goldenwings; 11-26-2005 at 08:19 AM.

 
Old 12-05-2005, 04:53 AM   #10
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Re: overdose

Dear all thanks again.

Goldenwings thank you for your story. don't know how to get through this sometimes without feeling like i need to go back to hospital. but three days left to go. your story is inspiring your courage too. I think evyone with this disease is a little bit special really to get through.
love and wellness to you zoe x

 
Old 01-02-2006, 10:23 AM   #11
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Re: overdose

I know this post is older, but I just read it, and it broke my heart. I am so thankful that God spared you. I am also glad that you found these boards. I came here after searching for hours on the internet. And I am so glad I did. For awhile, I stopped logging on, but then things began getting bad again, and I was really feeling alone. This place is good during the times when you know you've hit rock bottom because no-one around you seems to understand just how awful what you're going through is. Here, I can read other people's trials and triumphs. Many times, I sit and nod my head, smiling because finally, I have found someone who knows what I'm talking about. Other times, I admit, I get a little misty eyed because the compassion and caring that is shared here just touches my heart in such a profound way.
This past week has been a big downer for me, but after reading your post and the many heartfelt replies, I feel like I am truly blessed. It can always be so much worse, and I need to fight hard to remember that. You have battled one of the darkest storms and you survived. Your courage is an amazing testament and a powerful inspiration to us all.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the doc appt...God Bless you always.
C

 
Old 01-04-2006, 07:07 AM   #12
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Re: overdose

Hi I'm new....but I can totally relate. I was there this past weekend. Luckily my friends on another board I am on called the police on me and I didn't do anything. It DOES take courage to admit this. We are here for you!!

 
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