Some of her behavior may be due to Lupus, or the drugs used to treat it...prednisone for one can have some pretty negative effects on personality. Depression, Agoraphobia, anxiety and emotional hypersensitivity are also not uncommon in people with Lupus. I have experienced mania, hypersensitive emotions. Most people with Lupus however do not have all of the above. As for the lying, I don't believe that is a Lupus thing. If she is lying to avoid letting people down, that is probably more linked to a self esteem issue. Have you read the Lupus Book by Dr. Wallace? It has some good information. At any rate, counselling should be helpful.
Hi, Buford. Did you state elsewhere that your fiance just had a 5-day hospitalization for pleurisy, or something close? That's pretty serious, actually. I don't know how long ago your fiance was Dx'ed, but people can take time to respond to certain medications. Some people are hard to stabilize clinically. And the time ti takes to bounce back from a big episode can feel like an eternity. In short, this can be a VERY unpredictable disease, and no two people with it are identical.
It's so hard for couples to adapt to big worries. Ironically, in my own long marriage, we had such mutual interdependence that we'd manage to make things worse at times. Out of love, he'd try to "fix things", yet his attempts & fixes were inappropriate. Out of love, I'd try to help myself but didn't make fast progress. So sometimes simply TIME can be the best recipe, with lots of quiet understanding? Sort of like shifting your car into lower gear, in order to get up that hill? Well, something along those lines, anyway.
Anyway, here's to better days right around the corner, for both of you! I think you're a good & solid fiance to care so much. Sending my best wishes to you both, sincerely, Vee
Buford, There's a really excellent lupus hardcover, by Dr. Daniel Wallace. In it, he covers all aspects of the disease. Also there are several by Dr. Robert Lahita. These are available in most libraries & bookstores. Rather than buying right away, I first "test drove" several by borrowing them from the library. Good luck & take good care. Best wishes, Vee
P.S. You could show her this Board, too!
Last edited by VeeJ; 07-18-2007 at 04:24 AM.
Reason: Forgot P.S.
I think some of her behavior is lupus or medication related, but some of it may not be. I really don't know what to think. She is so inconsistent it leaves me dazed and confused. I would like to confront her but it usually turns out that she cries and apologizes, but it doesn't seem like she really knows she is doing anything. It's like she apologizes just to keep me with her. She is always correcting me or shooting down my ideas and feelings, and that makes me feel really small. Should I be concerned? Should I tell her? Or should I just take these things as normal for her, knowing that she doesn't intend to do them. I am beside myself. Somebody please help me!!!
Lately she has also seemed very selfish and self-absorbed, and she also seems sometimes to have high standards for everyone else, and she puts people down who don't meet the standards, but then I notice that she does alot of the things that bug her about other people. Could this be related to Lupus? I am thinking it is not, but I am open to any input.