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Old 07-26-2007, 09:13 AM   #1
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buford1975 HB User
desperate

Okay, I am really beside myself now. My fiancee has been doing some very annoying things, and I don't know if they are related to psychosis or not. She is very disagreeable, she hates to be wrong, she shoots down my thoughts/feelings/ideas, she puts standards on others that she sometimes doesn't meet herself, just to name a few things. It has gotten to the point where I don't know if I want to be around her, but she is so sensitive, and it is hard to come to her with anything. Oh, she also seems to think she is such a good girl, so it would be hard to go to her with any of the things I see. I have tried, and she would just start crying and apologize, but it seemed to me she was just doing that to keep me with her, and I haven't noticed any significant changes. It would be hard to convince someone who doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with her that there are serious issues that need to be dealt with. I am totally stressed about this whole thing, and I don't know what to do. Oh yeah, I keep seeing also that she is very self absorbed. I would appreciate any advice anyone could give me. I am thinking that some of these things may not be lupus related, but I am open to any help anyone can give me. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as well. It is hard to relate on this message board how stressed I have been. Of course, I don't want to add any stress to her life, knowing that it would just make her lupus problems worse. I just don't know what to do. We are beginning premarital counseling today with my pastor, and I know some things are going to come out that way, but I can't expect him to fix our problems. I know they need to be dealt with one on one, but I am struggling with how to do that. I have noticed that sometimes she blames her condition or past events in her life for what I bring up, so it makes it very difficult to say anything, plus always being shot down doesn't make things very easy. Lately, I haven't been able to say anything for fear of how she will respond. so any advice you all could give will be much appreciated. Thank you.

Last edited by buford1975; 07-26-2007 at 09:15 AM.

 
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Old 07-26-2007, 02:41 PM   #2
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VeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB UserVeeJ HB User
Re: desperate

Dear Buford, I've learned maybe only one big thing in life---and that's that many (maybe not all) important decisions do NOT have to be made quickly. Thus I hope you grab this counselling opportunity, and just take the time to mull things over and maybe slow things down, if warranted. I'd just hate to think that you'd start off your marriage feeling less than a full & respected partner---for your own sake! Sincerely, Vee

 
Old 07-28-2007, 04:29 PM   #3
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beachbum22 HB User
Re: desperate

I am new to the forum. How long has your girlfriend been diagnosed with lupus??? The reason I ask is, because she may be in some sort of denial. She may be having trouble accepting her diagnosis. I realize this may be difficult for you, but it would seem that you are giving her some space and that is probably a good thing. Maybe you could join a support group for families of folks with Lupus??? They could probably give you some ideas on how to handle what is going on.
You seem to be very committed to your girlfriend. It is awesome that you have come here for help. It shows that you are very supportive. We should all be so lucky!!!!!

Best of luck to you, as I know it must be a difficult thing for you.

 
Old 07-28-2007, 08:02 PM   #4
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buford1975 HB User
Re: desperate

Quote:
Originally Posted by beachbum22 View Post
I am new to the forum. How long has your girlfriend been diagnosed with lupus??? The reason I ask is, because she may be in some sort of denial. She may be having trouble accepting her diagnosis. I realize this may be difficult for you, but it would seem that you are giving her some space and that is probably a good thing. Maybe you could join a support group for families of folks with Lupus??? They could probably give you some ideas on how to handle what is going on.
You seem to be very committed to your girlfriend. It is awesome that you have come here for help. It shows that you are very supportive. We should all be so lucky!!!!!

Best of luck to you, as I know it must be a difficult thing for you.
She was diagnosed last november. I can imagine it is very difficult to lose control of one's life like that. Maybe all her actions are just reprocussions (sp?) of that. Some may be related to her background and family issues. Alot of what people are comes from what they are surrounded by growing up. Anyway, any advice would be most helpful. Thanks.

 
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