One very important thing you need to know about lupus, is that it causes irrational thinking, depression, irrational actions, and downright witchyness. When she seems irrational...she might be. When she's depressed, she's REALLY depressed and no amount of talking is going to help because it's not an emotional issue, it's a chemical issue. So, saying this, do NOT ask her if she's having a Lupus moment when she acts this way, and don't always assume it's her lupus when she backhands you. Sometimes it might actually be you
. In the meantime though, try your best to understand her moods as irrational as they may become. She'll eventually start talking to you again and you can make amends with your new info. Assure her that she's great and you want to help so you are going about this the best way possible, and let her know that if she wants to keep you off message boards that she can tell you how to help her, but in the meantime you'll do whatever it takes whether she likes it or not.