sleeperwoken

I have been thinking about all of us all night long because I realized yesterday how much our spouses all suffer from our lyme. You all know that I am a spiritual person--scripture says that when you are married, the two of you are one. So if you are sick, your spouse is sick also only he or she has no idea how sick he is. I'm going to use he but all you guys out there know that this can be about a wife too. Remember how scared you were when you were sick but you didn't have a clue what it was? That's how scared your spouse is, because his body (you) is sick but he is clueless.

I would like to share a few things with you that I do that seem to help my hubby and I hope you all will write back some of the things you do...

When my husband is having a breakdown, I don't try to stop him, I let him freak out and I even repeat some of the things he's saying so he feels heard. This helps him get it off his chest so that he can go on with his day and not feel isolated. Sometimes I even join him in his breakdown and I say, "I know what you mean, this whole thing sucks, we shouldn't have to suffer like this, it's too hard sometimes, why did this have to happen...etc." It helps him feel like we are in it together.

Also, I send him e-mails. I know we are in the same house, but I write to him and I say, "hey, this has been a rough time for you also, even though I'm the sick one, I know this affects you and you have been just fantastic. I appreciate you so much, etc." (He's not always fantastic, but he's a lot more fantastic after one of these e-mails.)

Also, I let him hear me on the phone talking to people. Lately it's been all about me when people call. They ask me how I am and I'm the center of attention all the time. When they call I say, "I am not doing too well, I'm in pain, but my hubby has really been so helpful. He takes care of things when I can't do it and I am so glad to have him. He bought me sugar free chocolates for Christmas, can you believe the thoughtfulness of him!"

Also, I have almost no energy just like most of us, so when I do have energy I do not use it on other people outside of my family. I only take care of myself and my spouse and my kids. I say no to other people because I owe it to my husband to give him what little bit I have to offer.

Another thing that helped him was hearing me read parts of the book "Coping with Lyme Disease." There are excerpts in that book that describe how I feel and also parts that describe what a spouse feels and it made him feel understood. I just had the book in the car and I read it out loud to him and he felt much better.

Listen, my husband is not perfect and sometimes he's downright annoying and rude, but I don't point that out. I ignore that stuff and just try to build him up as much as possible. That's what I want him to do for me so I offer as much grace as possible to him. When I'm a jerk, I want him to let it go and forgive me, and I want him to point out my good stuff, right? We are each others most important support and we have to make a real conscious effort to be each others biggest fan.

I hope some of this is helpful to you all and I look forward to hearing from you on ways that I can help my hubby get through this time in our marriage. Some day when I'm well again, look out for that, the sparks are gonna fly!!!