Hi Sis, how's everything mi amiga? Thanks for thinking of me. I am doing okay. My hubby and son are going away this weekend again, and I think it will be good for us to have a little time to ourselves.
Tell you the truth, I am much more concerned about Laurie than anything right now. Where has she been? Haven't seen a post in a few days and really, I'm getting very worried.
cj, how's your relationship going? Be well, my friend. Hope the spring time brings a smile and some relief.
You spoke in espanol! Such a great language.
Glad you are 'ok' and looking forward to some quiet this weekend. Things are MUCH better with P. Some talk and much time together. Started last Sunday/Monday I think?
And then Wednesday, I noticed the depression beginning to lift and yesterday, much better. It's that type of 'lifting' that tells me when it's been chemical and not just environmental factors. Today is very good. Body aches and pains but whatever! My heart is content.
Still concerned for you... Is 'we', you and your daughter??
As for Laurie, she hasn't posted since yesterday morning. Pray, breath and if you need to, just write a new thread saying 'hi' to her so that IF she drops in room for a sec, you'll know for sure she's been here and all is well. Did you read her last post about going to baseball game today with concern and husband going out of town this weekend? Game was actually probably yesterday afternoon... I think post is tucked in 'things i'm sick of' thread?? NOt sure.
Need to pack for camping. I will be out of touch in the physical. Pray breath pray breath. ENJOY your time this weekend, woken one. su hermana in cristo, cj
Gracias, mi hermana en Cristo. Pero por la gracia de Dios, soy lo que soy.
Yes, "we" is my daughter and myself. She tends to try to book my time according to her many social needs whenever we have the weekend to ourselves. She ran my butt off last weekend. I told her this weekend is mine! She'll try to undo that, but I won't let her.
I think laurie said she might be out of pocket for a while because of the papers the husband was going to get. I'm sure she is safe and laying low until he's gone for the weekend. Keep good thoughts! Have a great weekend camping cj and enjoy your time with your daughter sw.
Things are not great here, wish I could do something but I don't know what to do. He's just so distant I can tell he is miserable. I am really so tired, herxing and all, I don't have the energy to work on anything else.
Someone called tonight for an interview on one of the jobs I applied for, I don't know what to do because really I think I'm too sick to work but I think I better get a job because I just don't know what he's going to do next. I just can't count on him for anything. I guess he's sick of it all too.
He's not a bad person, but I think he wants to get away from all this sickness and sadness here. He's so depressed. I have nothing to give. I can't help him, I can barely help myself.
SW--how old is your hubby? You should do some reading on midlife crisis. It opened a whole new world of understanding for me. It IS a depression and it explains a lot. Don't know if this is what it is or not--but an illness can sure push them into one. There are some good sites on this.
I am so sorry you are going thru this. It is the scariest thing and it is so awful that you are feeling so ill on top of everything. I just talked w/ sis in law and she said my H was acting like a black cloud was hanging over his head the whole time--even at his b-day celebration they planned. Me--I have no choice but to move on but maybe some research into how he is feeling may prove to do some good?
I hope you feel better really soon. Try to do a long hot detox bath or something. Thinking of you and wishing there was somehting I could do to help you. Hang in there.
I'm glad you are questioning your limitations. I know the last few days have been rough on you and your family but you can't take the blame for that. I truly think your hubby is hanging with you, he just saw you at Disneyworld and remembered the past. Even we get depressed about it too. Don't forget that he told you he has enough jobs for now so don't overtax yourself. It will only hurt you both in the long run. I'm sure he said this in one of his softer caring moments which usually mimics their feelings best.
I know that my own husband has been really sweet and is learning to do a lot of the stuff I once did. Maybe not the way I did it but it's kind of getting done and that's good enough for me. He still can't figure out why my legs won't work better if I would just exercise them. The problem is that I can't exercise them yet. I have come to the realization that there are a lot of things I can't do but it will get better with time. He just needs to come to grips with this too. We tend to remember the bad not the good!
He gets frustrated like your hubby but I know in his heart that he realizes what I can do and can't. He's just impatient for health to return. Hang in there and don't take everything that is said to heart. I'm sure half of it is just his inability to help and he has to vent.
I so second everything Betterdays shared. It is so hard to be objective when you are the 'target, problem, weak link', whatever... You tend to look at the situation through the worst of lenses.
If you make yourself look at this objectively: put anyone else in your shoes:
Pick a different family that this is happening to, maybe even one that you both know and that you both love. His sister, a good friend, whatever.
And then 'see' what you and your husband would likely be expecting/desiring for the woman with lyme and expecting desiring for the husband of the woman with lyme.
Does that make sense?
And as hard as it is, yall have got to communicate. Don't blame. Speak in 'I feel" language and talk of your love for him. Even if you have to go back to pre-lyme to dig it up - be real.
Ask him, and then keep asking him when you've really cut out the time for him to share, how/where he is in all this mess. Tell him what you know and what you think/feel: that it is taxing, that it isn't what he either of you envisioned your 30's?? to be like. That it is something to grieve, but that you want to do it WITH him. Reassure him of your feelings, need of his strength, etc., if these feelings are real.
SW, I've heard you say you are afraid to hear the truth. I so understand but also know that if the 'truth'/reality for him is not good today it will most likely not magically improve in isolation. Share your fears, maybe not at first, but try to get to that level of trust. As scary as it, it may be the answer for longetivity. Bad stuff thrives in secret, dark places - you know that. TELL HIM you are scared sh**less to uncover your/his fears but you are WILING to fight for what yall committed to x number of years ago. Could you get a hotel room for the two of you as a getaway?
I can't remember if you said whether he is a beliver or not? yes, no? Mixing up stories.
Of course I'm offering you 'carol' and what I'd have to ultimately do. I certainly put it off at times, but I can't stand the silence, the unsaids, the distance. Since re-connecting last week, I just brought up something last night that I would have preferred to of avoided but I didn't want to lose the ground we just made. I knew if I didn't address it, it would begin chipping away at the intimacy we are now walking in. I hate doing it, being vulnerable, sharing my neediness or weaknesses - but it is worth it.
I hope some of this is helpful. Know I care. I want so badly for you to be loved and supported and have a place to land when you feel like you need to crash. Fight for it. Sick or not, you are a great wife. Your essence is still alive. Yall just have to come to terms with the limitations and let each other love one another deeply despite it. cj
I send you Gentle Hugs to help reassure you during this stressful time.
This will probably sound like a very wierd way to support and comfort you, but I was watching "You might be a Redneck if...." last night, where the differences between men and women are shown so significantly...
No matter how long we've been in a relationship, it's rare that a husband can understand, relate to or interpret a woman's feelings as you know, and I can tell you that after all these years of living with Lyme, my husband has progressed a good deal from Day One....He's seen the evidence of what happens to me (falling, memory problems, etc...the obvious things) and he's LEARNED TO LISTEN when I give him information.!! (the best he can, that is) and keeping this in mind, I repeat what we all have been saying - take care of yourself first - explain your frustrations to him as well as your limitations, (over and over, if necessary)- that you don't have all the necessary answers and neither does he and you don't expect him to, or to "fix it".... I can only tell you what has been helping me and I hope it can in some small way help you too....
You guys are all so great, thank you so much for helping me through this. I am on a rollercoaster! I feel good right now, but it was on and off all day today.
I realize now that it may be very true that my husband is in a midlife crisis. Laurie, I looked it up and it's so true. I should have known in November when he bought himself a porsche convertible (in addition to his man truck). We did not need that car. He is 41 as of February, so there you have it.
Betterdays, I get what you are saying too. I think that he was hoping I would be okay for spring and that's what he set his hopes on. Now that spring is around the corner, it's obvious that this is not going to be the time for me to be 100 percent. He's so disappointed and he's not good at expressing it.
gerribear, thanks for the hug! I needed that. And guess what? I was watching redneck too!!! Gotta love that Jeff Foxworthy, he's a trip. I think my husband is even worse than most at telling me what is in his head because he grew up with six brothers. This man is clueless! He doesn't know what to do with me. Ugh, thank God for girlfriends.
I'm looking ahead and hoping things improve soon. Going to the doc tomorrow, hoping it goes well. Thank you, my friends, I am so glad to be able to lean on you in times like these. (((hugs))) for all of you also.