Lack of help & uncooperative kids - Lyme Disease Message Board

6Blues · 08-17-2005, 10:49 PM

Hi everyone. I just need to talk. My brain fog is horrible so I hope I make sense. Thank God for this board.

I've been divorced more than 10 years. My kids were 4 & 2 yrs when I went out on my own and we're better for it. I'm used to single-parenting but, boy oh boy, are they getting to me!

I have 1 teen and 1 pre-teen and they bicker constantly, which is normal and usually I ignored it. But now I just can't handle it. A tiny kind word would mean so much to me. A small effort on their part to get along instead of instigating fights with each other would make my day so much easier.

I work full-time from home as a software tester (thank God for my job) and I am exhausted after an 8 hour day. I bought a fixer-upper a few years ago and when I got sick - well, the work stopped. I just can't do it.

I still manage to put them through private school, put food on the table and pay the bills although I'm closing on my re-finance this week to cash out some equity to help pay the Lyme bills which are choking me.

My daughter has no bedroom (it's under major construction). I feel guilty enough that I can't finish the job but she won't stop whining and complaining. I feel like taping her mouth shut. I jump through flaming hoops every day just to keep up the status quo and her complaints are hurtful to me.

I locked myself out of the house the other day in my pajamas. The only way back in was through my bedroom window by pulling out my air conditioner into the backyard (where it still sits). I asked for help to put it back but got none. Now my daughter has an attitude tonight because she has no A/C. sheesh!!

I understand why they may feel angry at me for getting sick, but a little help here & there would be so nice.

Yes, they have a right to complain, but c'mon, this isn't your normal situation. I'm sick darn it! I do my best in spite of this disease and they don't seem to notice or care. I raised them to be compassionate and comforting humans. They can feel sorry for others, how come they can't for me? I deserve a little slack.

I've spoken to them seriously, quietly, loudly and even yelled but they don't get it.

I know "This too shall pass" and we'll look back on these years as the years when mommy was sick, but what about right now? How can I make them understand that in order for this family to survive, they need to love me unconditionally?

This goes on every day and I can usually manage it, but today was a doozy.
Thanks for listening.

Betterdaysforme · 08-18-2005, 05:27 AM

Dear 6blues,

To be honest with you I am not sure age has anything to do with it. My son who is in the Air Force would walk on coals for me, he is 35. I have a 34 year old daughter, the pregnant one, and she has driven us both crazy for years. Our youngest, who is 25, is pretty good but sometimes has an attitude too. I am convinced I created these "monsters" by doing as much as I did for them. You are probably doing the same thing. When I was 15 and my Dad died my mother just kind of shut down. I was involved in everything at school but she never came. She never let me go out and everything I did I had to sneak to do. I have tried so hard to be just the opposite but now realize that I did too much. You are probably doing the same thing because you are a single parent.

I am like you and take a lot of pride in my house but right now I would let it burn to the ground before I would let a fireman in if it caught on fire. Both girls have "come home" numerous times and never lifted a finger to help. Even though I have been sick I have cleaned up after their dogs and gone crazy with dog hair in my house. Now my house is full of their stuff that I keep asking them to take and they "don't have room". So my house should be a disaster so their's can be neat.

It would be so nice if somebody would call and just say how are you feeling today or can I come over and dust or vacuum for you. They don't. I was feeling guilty that I won't be able to help Rhonda when the baby comes because of my mobility problems and stiff hands but then I remember moving to Texas, 2000 miles from any family, and I never even left my kids for so much as one night for 20 years except of course to go to the hospitl and have another one. Sometimes I wonder if the "3 day vacation" was worth it.

Now that I have vented I will suggest some things. First I would let them read the thread you just wrote because it comes from the heart. Second, maybe they need to go back to public school. You have lots of bills and the stress isn't helping. Make a list of things they have to do and if they don't do them they don't get perks. I'm a real big believer in Dr. Phil. If they continue to bicker take something away. In the beginning they will think they can wear you down but stick to your guns until they get it. You can even show them my thread if you want. They'll be glad you're their mother not me that's for sure. I hate to say it but believe me it can get worse not better if you don't do something now. You are having a tough time and they need to be more sympathetic to your needs. Hang in there, I hear ya!
BDFM

PS I don't want to start another thread but I wanted to ask you something today anyway. Wasn't it you that joked around about converting liquid samento dosage from capsule form? I am going to follow the core protocol that is in the book ncgirl recommended but it says capsules and I just bought 3 bottles of the liquid. I e-mailed the herbalist and she said 500mg of liquid would be 3 drops. I know the protocol says 3 - 4 times a day but that still doesn't seem like enough. Does this sound right to you. It is only half of what Amber takes. Maybe because there are other products involved he says 500mg of cat's claw each dose. I just can't believe 500mg is only 3 drops. What do you think?

deejavu · 08-18-2005, 04:44 PM

Oh 6Blues,

How I feel for you! Even though I don't have kids, I can relate to a certain point as far as feeling alone with this disease and not having people understand and give us some slack.

I think if I were in your shoes, I would write each of your kids a letter expressing what you said here and hand it to them. Tell them you didn't ask for this illness and you are doing the best you can.

I also bought a house 1 year before I became infected with Lyme and I had to kick out my husband because he caused me so much stress!! Thank goodness I bought my house before I married him so he had no rights to it.

When his daughter moved in, that was the icing on the cake! She wanted her Daddy all to herself and was jealous of me. She didn't live with her father for the first 17 years of her life, so I understood that but it didn't help my marriage. Then when I got sick, everything went downhill.

I wrote letters to my husband and he wrote me back so at least we communicated on paper but we could never come to any agreements.

Anyway, sorry for rambling.

I hope you do write your kids a letter, at least you will feel better for getting everything off your chest.

P.S.: Sorry about you locking yourself out and the A/C, kind of reminded me of an episode of Desperate Housewives when one of them locked themselves out naked!!

Hang in there,
Denise

TINUVIEL · 08-18-2005, 10:08 PM

Hi 6blues,

Sorry to hear you're having to go through all that without support! Sounds like the kids are putting you through the mill. I don't have kids but I do know how important it is to have the people in your life on YOUR side, not working against you.

I don't know anything about managing kids since I'm not a parent, but do you have anyone you can talk to in person regularly just to sound off and get support? It can be kind of a hard job for a friend, but maybe someone from a Lyme group or a clergy person? It sounds like too much to deal with alone.

Take care of yourself.

hurt and angry · 08-19-2005, 03:37 AM

Dear 6Blues,

I TOTALLY hear you!! I have a 12 and 15 year old boy and let me tell you.....the sun usually never shines in my house. The only thing I thank the Lord for is that they are both boys!!! I can't imagine if they were girls. As sick as I am, I still drag my sorry butt out of bed every morning and drive an hour each way to a 9 hour job. I get home at night and not even one chore is done. Their comment/exuse is "You didn't tell me I had to do that"! or "That's Jason's job!!!". Aaarrggghhh!!!!! As BDFM stated, the more you do for the little brats, the more they walk all over you!!! It get's to the point where I am tired of talking till I am blue in the face so I do EVERYTHING by myself. Lucky me....school starts in 2 weeks. Now I get to do homework every night too, make lunches again, etc....I know my husband won't help. I have been married for 19 years now, I do love him, but sometimes wonder why I am a single parent!!!

Anyway, the letter writing I think is a good idea, and I am going to do just that!! My husband is going to get one too! He is worse than the kids...

Wow, I didn't realize that it is 5:40 a.m. all ready. Got to go shower and be to the hospital at 7:30 for an MRI of the brain and neck.

Have a good day : )

Wendy