i'm sorry i haven't posted recently but i've been terribly upset. i went to llmd and had a tiff with him and have decided not to go back. ya see, i had an allergic reaction to a med he gave me and he told me to take something as soon as i was in trouble. well i thought it was a herxheimer and didn't take the med for allergic reaction.
well when i went in, he became very agitated and stated he didn't know if he could continue treatment. he became very, well not abusive, but i don't know how to put this. he kept asking me if i understood english and told me my english and grammer were not very good and he kept saying about how i was not to make any decisions, he was the doctor, and then he'd ask me if my memory was ok, and then ask me if i understood him.
i left totally in tears, doubting my sanity and this whole dang lyme thing. i cried all afternoon. so get this. he told me he would not see me again until i could articulate the difference between a herx and an allergic reaction, gave him a listing of all my meds for the last ten years and my reaction to them. also he said i was to order an allergy bracelet and not to come back until i did these things.
i was floored. he said he would not give me any medication cause it was apparent i didn't understand how to take meds and i mean, he went on and on and on and on on............
anyway guys, i am very depressedl i mean, ok, i did something stupid, but don't beat a horse when it's down.
so am looking for a new doc in fort worth if anybody can suggest something.
Hi earle, I have been wondering about you and how things are going for you. I guess not so good, after reading your post. Many of us here have been subjected to patronizing doctors, you are not the only one, and I know it is a very bad experience that leaves you feeling angry and hurt. Sorry that happened to you.
I really believe that your doctor is afraid. After hearing about his past reaction to your husbands comments and now this, I think your doctor has some issues and maybe has been under attack in the past either with the medical board or other patients. He is worried you are going to come against him if a medication causes trouble for you and so he's acting like an idiot and treating you like a potential bomb waiting to go off. He needs to chill out.
I would look for a different doctor too, but don't let them tranfer your file. Have the file sent to you and then take out anything derogatory. Sometimes doctors like him write things in there like the patient is unstable or things like that and it sets the next doctor up. Then he treats you like a child too. It's a terrible circle once those files get started.
All this stems from ignorance about lyme. I swear they know so little about the enemy in our bodies. They pretend to know, but they don't.
Don't beat yourself up about the reaction to the meds. How could you know it was not a herx? You are just getting started with this thing and you did the best you could. Just put this experience behind you, learn from it and move forward. We are with you every step of the way.
I am SO sorry that you had to experience that situation. Truly. To be sick with a disease that still has so many unknowns, not know where to go for help, and then when you do, get treated pretty badly is a lot to take. Know that most everyone on these boards can extend great empathy as they've tasted parts of what you are experiencing.
The problem is, we don't have many, true LLMD's in our area. I have not been posting but did want to reply to your post. I will contact you privately as well. Putting my arms around you. Take a deep breath, this too shall pass. You WILL get through this. cj
I would think seriously about giving your present doctor another chance and also asking him for an EpiPen. So that if you have another alergic reaction you can take care of it. You can die with an alergic reaction. The tissues swell up and your throat sometimes closes. Can be fatal.
Doctors are only human. He sounds afraid. Lyme disease is hard to treat. And Doctors who treat it are under attack. If you died from an alergic reaction, he would be in trouble.
He knows you and your history. A new Doctor would have to start all over again.
When in doubt about symptoms being caused by herxing or allergy, always call your doctor.
hi earle...so sorry to hear what you went through. but i second what gerribear and others mentioned about your doc probably having been under watch or attack previous for his lyme treatments, and even though he went after you while you were down he proabaly has only your best interest at heart and is looking out for his other lymes patients who depend on him as well. but i'm not you and i wasn't in that room, so i don't blame you if you can't go back. i hope you can find another doc in your area if that's what you decide.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12
earle: Sorry to hear you had an upsetting appointment. Battling this disease is tough enough! Try not to take it personally.
I know that sounds impossible, but your doc has issues (fear?). His/her issues may be valid or they may not be -- but try not let it bother you too much.
Perhaps you can concentrate on doing a few small nice things for yourself today; new nailpolish, new hair clip, an organic meal, a new flavor of spring water, a long walk to your favorite music.
And don't forget that prayers for guidance never go unanswered.
You do need to be treated by an LLMD. There is one out there somewhere who can help you.
It stinks, but you have to be strong, calm and brave in the face of this disease. You have to be your own health care advocate. Its seems a daunting task but your life is at stake. We all do it even though we don't want to and we shouldn't have to.
I wish I could make an appt for you to see my LLMD. I could take you to your first visit with her and take notes for you. I would make sure all yout questions get answered. Then we would go out for lunch and a walk on the beach.
I am sorry about your experience with your Dr. I agree, maybe he is being watched very closely. Try and do what he asked and see how a couple more visits go, and then if there are still problems you could consider looking for a new llmd. I am sorry you are going through a tough time. I am thinking of you...
I'm so sorry that you are upset. I try to be objective by always looking at both sides of any situation.
I am putting myself in your shoes first:
Your doctor did warn you to take a medication if you had an allergic reaction which you did experience. You didn't follow through, okay, you are human. So the doctor did right in that aspect. You were confused about the difference of herxing and an allergic reaction.
Lyme affects our minds, that's a fact. Lyme causes us to become confused, not think straight, causes depression, over-reactive behavior (I've been there), plus so much more.
I know you have been having lots of problems with your husband, which I am truly sorry about. That makes you more vulnerable and emotional to other people.
Psychology 101 suggests to me that you may be transferring your feelings toward your husband to your doctor. This is only my humble opinion.
I suggest that you see a psychologist or join a support group to help you with your personal problems.
Now I put myself in your doctor's shoes (I am not defending the doctor), just looking at the other side. All LLMD's are risking their medical license, their practice, etc. because they are putting their lives on the line by treating Lymies. I think the majority of LLMDs are fearful but yet push on because deep down they really care and want to help.
Thus, I think your doctor's reaction came from fear, hey, doctors are human too, especially Lyme Doctors. I don't see how a doctor can choose to treat Lyme if they are not compassionate unlike other doctors who are cold and wear blindfolds.
This is the 2nd episode that upset your doctor, the 1st being your husband's reaction that you repeated to him, the 2nd by not following instructions to take the allergy medication.
But your doctor didn't tell you that he would "not" continue to treat you. He is just being careful, can you blame him?
Sometimes we don't want to admit (I know I didn't), when we are confused and overemotional. Maybe you see a bit of your husband in this doctor, I don't know.
The bottom line is this: is this doctor's protocol helping you? Are the medicines that he has prescribed helping (other than the one that caused you to have an allergic reaction)? Is the communication between both of you basically good?
This is something you have to think about. I don't think it's a big deal to make a list of all medicines that you are allergic to (I think that's important) or to wear a bracelet. Bracelets have saved many lives.
Earle, when you thought you were having a herx, I wish you would have posted on this site. That's what we are here for as many of us know what a herx feels like. Maybe some of us would have told you that you are having an allergic reaction.
I remember telling another member who thought she was herxing that she was having an allergic reaction to the medication after I researched it and suggested that she stop the medication right away because I was scared for her.
This is a personal decision that you have to make as you know this doctor, we don't. As far as other LLMD's in your area, I don't know of any. You probably would have to travel to another state.
Once again, I am not defending your doctor, I am simply looking at both sides of the equation. No matter what you decide, please seek outside help for the problems with your husband. It can only do you good as I see so much suffering in your life.
I really care about you and sometimes an outsider can look at a situation more objectively.
hi everyone, thanks for all the feedback. i think you're probably right. he views me as a potential problem. i had heard that he has been investigated several times. don't know if it's true or not. but with my husband and all, i think he's afraid i'm a threat to him and the other patients.
plus, to be honest, i don't know if i can personally take that kind of talking to with my present state of mind. ok, he's a very fine, caring doctor, but i'm just not up to being talked to like that. i get enough of that at home.
so i probably will not keep the next appointment. he's very expensive and i don't know how much i've wracked up in bills yet. my insurance does not pay for him so everything is out of pocket (whoa, big time). i do have several leads i'm going to work on.
i'm thinking about the herbal route also. maybe a woman doc. i don't know. but in our hearts we each have to find what is acceptable to us and know what affects our state of mind.
this disease is so damaging and add to that stressful encounters, no, i don't think i want to do that.