I have to save my marriage!
Hello everyone. It has been a long time since I have written on here, but I do read a lot. Things have been so hard lately, and I am so extremely depressed. Sometimes I pray that i didn't have to wake up so that way i didn't have to feel the sadness anymore. My husband and i have been having so many problems and it is just killing me.
We have been together for five years, and soon after we were together I got increasingly sick, and could not work. I couldn't walk anymore and needed help doing normal everyday things. It took years and years to finally get a correct diagnosis and since then (about a year now) I have been on medication to try and get rid of it (unfortunately after having it for approximately ten years now, there is no way to know for sure if it will ever go away). I have been trying to figure out how to change my life goals to deal with my limitations, and have started writing a book, and hope that I can do public speaking after it is completed.
My husband has a job that is great for supplying the much needed medical costs for me, but he really hates it quite a bit. He feels the pressure of taking care of me and the pressure of being in charge at work. My husband grew up in a family of famous musicians... I am telling you this because I want to impress on you how serious it is to him to one day do these things himself.
He has recently started writing music with some friends of his and now I almost never see him. I am constantly struggling with the idea that he is always away, and why doesn't he miss me? I try to tell myself that he is working on something and that he is not doing it to get away from me, but this is a very painful time. He tells me that the pressures that he has from work, taking care of me, and everyday life has become overwhelming for him.
I have started to walk with a cane lately which is great news, it is a step up from the crutches! Today I did 2 loads of laundry, which I could not do before. I feel so scared. So many lymies lose the ones they love because of this stupid disease, I just cannot lose my soul mate! I want to be seen as more independent, and less of a burden and a patient. I am waiting to hear back from a counselor... what else do I do? Give him some space to breath? Try and show him I am OK alone? I don't know... please help me.