I am so sorry to hear that your visit didn't go as planned.
Sometimes as we age, our emotions and behavior age also. My dad currently acts like a 5 year old. I am not being sarcastic - its the truth. He says things that I cannot believe, but there it is - coming right out of his mouth. He is 80 yrs old.
As my parents' age, the world scares them. The tiniest thing will get them into a tizzy. Its not their fault per se, but it does hurt when they treat me like crap when I try to help them.
My mom had quad by-pass. I hired a house cleaner to go to their house so they could focus on her recovery and not the dirty toilet seat. I'm a single mom and this wasn't cheap. Nice thing of me to do, right?
Well, it wasn't. I got screamed at for hiring a stranger to go into their home. My dad yelled at me so badly that I decided to distance myself a bit from their personal lives.
Something about getting older, seems to slant their views on reality.
Ok, enough with the excuses for the old folks - back to you
You cannot allow that to happen again. You've been through the ringer with your treatmtent and you need to concentrate on #1 - yourself. This is your Aunt and you love her, but you have to distance yourself. She may not be aware that she's treating you badly. In her little old lady mind, she's protecting herself and something is scaring her.
It would kill me to know that I had an elderly relative close by that needed my help (my parents). It hurts and I feel GUILTY but I do stay away a bit.
If I get screamed at again (even though they may not be aware of what they are saying), I will take it personally and maybe yell back.
If she has a phone, call her and check on her.
Pack a grocery bag with stuff she may need and drop it off, but don't stay.
Call her and tell her that you can place flowers on her babies graves (how sad for her to have lost children), but that you cannot take her personally.
If she goes to church or synagogue, you can all them and ask that they help with her bills. There are free services out there to help the elderly do the monthly bills. I can't recall the name of it now - sry.
I would also think twice about legally taking control of her money. It would mean daily contact. Thats a good thing - but NOT if its upsetting you during your recovery.
You will be able to do more for her and tolerate her elderly ways much better when you are stronger.
Please take care of yourself and place your Aunt in God's hands.
I will pray for both of you.