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Old 07-27-2006, 03:48 AM   #1
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Lessons Learned

I quick short story:

Fell in love, with my wife 7 years ago about.
Became ill with Lyme only a few months after our marriage.
Have been sick the entire time, six years. The only thing I could think of is, my life is over.
Now I can see I may have some life back, I have enjoyed the last few weeks, my vision has also saw, I’ve lost sight of my wife.

Now that I look back, I wish I could have seen through the fog then, what is so clear now; I was losing something very special…

If your sick, with Lyme or anything. Take a moment in each day to see clearly, through the illness. I couldn’t see past the moments, I didn’t want to be here. Was so mentally ravaged by this disease, I let my ignorance of worrying only about me, and I lost me, our marriage.

I have learned a lesson… I will never walk the same again…
I have been humbled, by my own ignorance, and I very much destroyed a beautiful love, the love my wife showed to me unconditionally for years.

Ekim. I bit wiser today, and much emptier.

 
Old 07-27-2006, 06:02 AM   #2
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Re: Lessons Learned

Ekim,

I hate to see you blaming yourself so much. You were sick. Had you been able to "see clearly through the illness" I'm sure you would have acted differently. Is it also possible that your wife could have shown more compassion? I think relationships are not the responsibility of just one person. It is an ever, on-going process, and not an easy one at that. Then too, what about the vows some agree to uphold " . . . in sickness and in health...."

Prema

Last edited by peregrine; 07-27-2006 at 08:41 AM.

 
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Old 07-27-2006, 06:31 AM   #3
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Re: Lessons Learned

Dear Mike.

I hate to see you take responsibility for the sad state of your marraige. You could not have prevented Lyme disease. It is not your fault.

A dance (or a relationship) takes two. If one partner changes their steps, the other has to respond or they will stumble and maybe fall. If you changed your steps, your wife had to respond. She was there for you. I recall that she even created a screen name and came here to post along side you. She loves you.

Please do not take the blame yourself. It is natural for a person to look back on past behavior and question why you did this or that. Thats normal - but please don't beat yourself up.

Learning lessons is great but try to be honest - you were a very sick man. How were you supposed to bring her flowers or cook a romantic dinner or rub her feet when you were that sick? (Even some healthy men don't do those things.) I remember when you wanted to end it all. Thats a deep depression.

It is also normal to think, sleep, eat and crap Lyme disease when you have it. I do. It affects my every breathing moment, so naturally I think about it and talk about it and dream about it and spend my time doing activities related to it.

Its not all your fault. It takes two to tango.

Look back if you must ... but be gentle on yourself. Maybe you can do something small, just for yourself. Take yourself out to a movie, go for a cheesesteak, go to the park with a good book, etc.

You are a good man.

Thinking of you,
Mickie

Last edited by 6Blues; 07-27-2006 at 06:33 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2006, 06:40 AM   #4
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Re: Lessons Learned

Hi Mike. I agree with what the others have said. It is not your fault you are sick. It is not possible to function normally when you are sick from these diseases. You did not destroy your marriage. I have no doubt that you did the very best you could. We all do the best we can when facing such difficult challenges.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 
Old 07-27-2006, 07:22 AM   #5
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Re: Lessons Learned

Mike
The others said it well. Can't add to that. Just know you're in my thoughts and prayers.....Marsha

 
Old 07-27-2006, 08:39 AM   #6
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Re: Lessons Learned

........................................ ...........

Last edited by peregrine; 07-27-2006 at 08:42 AM.

 
Old 07-27-2006, 08:41 AM   #7
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Re: Lessons Learned

Mike,

I knew that marriage vow saying didn't sound right but then attributed it to brain fog. I have now changed it to the appropriate saying. Sorry!

All the best!

Prema

 
Old 07-27-2006, 09:44 AM   #8
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Re: Lessons Learned

Hey guys thanks for the love, but what I was saying even with this, you have to bend sometimes and share a hug... Not to be so grumpy and angry, it wares on you...

I am in good spirits, I have much to be happy for... Plus I live on a lake, I have always been good and fishing my troubles away...


 
Old 07-27-2006, 05:08 PM   #9
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Re: Lessons Learned

I feel for you Ekim and there are others on this board or other boards with long term illnesses....when our brains are out of control and WE DON'T even know how to control and try so HARD to fight to SURVIVE...yes my friend it is going to take a toll on ANY RELATIONSHIP...they get tired of seeing us sick and not being able to help and wonder why we are MENTALLY OUT THERE....and why we can't do things and shoot we look normal...My husband that I had at that time was sick and tired of me being sick and tired...he thought I just wanted to be on pain pills and sleep all the time...haha...he used my illness in his favor and tried making me crazier than I was...man he left me when the chips were down...they way I got through it ...I was ******! I was hurt...and I didn't want someone that was weaker than me....to hell with him...I have my life pretty much back now...my fault No it was his for not being strong with me! Shame on him for running me in the ground for not knowing what was wrong with me...you want to know what he told eveyone...SHE WOULDN'T GIVE ME SEX!" hahaha......and she is addicted to pain pills...well guess who would get into my pain pills...basically Ekim I think it is just excuses why they want out...doesn't matter if we had been sick or not...If they are going to run HELL let them run....it hurts but in the long run why keep someone in a relationship if they are not happy anyway....I shed NO tears over him leaving me...HE KNOCKED ME DOWN IN THE DIRT....and I figure we all have karma to deal with....soooooo.....
NO MY FRIEND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT...hang in there...and get yourself well!
Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 07-27-2006, 06:06 PM   #10
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Re: Lessons Learned

Dearest Ekim, I'm sorry you are in pain and your wife is not dealing with all that is happening to both of you. Life is so complicated and so difficult, the turns and dips that this rollercoaster takes us on, they are so unexpected and so painful. You just want to live well and be healthy and give your lovely wife all that you can. I'm sorry for the suffering you endure and the confusion she is in.

I really hope you can work things out. Have her come on and talk to us, we can give her a little insight and support, maybe she will try to understand.

Love to both of you....
sleeper

 
Old 07-28-2006, 03:28 AM   #11
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Re: Lessons Learned

Hi Mike,

I echo all the sentiments expressed here.

Is it something peculiar to people with LD that we seem to blame ourselves for everything. I do it myself, and so do many other people here.

If we had an accident that left us disabled in some way, we and our nearest and dearest would (in most cases) deal with it. We wouldn't keep apologizing for the fact that we had been run over by a double-decker bus! If some-one was to walk out on a marriage in a situation like that, who do you think would be seen as being at fault?

Perhaps it is the uncertainty of LD that takes its toll. Nobody quite understands what a long haul they are in for at first - and that's after all the fighting to get a diagnosis.

Be kind to yourself.

Janet

 
Old 07-28-2006, 07:15 AM   #12
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Re: Lessons Learned

Hello Everybody, how are u?

I think you all are too fast to judge- may be u should know both sides of the story first. By the way I have lyme too- I've been on abx for at least two years now and I am not getting better. If I leave I probably won't even have chance of treatment and I will end up with MS alter or who the hell knows, so life is not as simple as it seems.
By the way I was always next to Mike- in his worst moments, his sickness is not the reason for our troubles......
Sorry nobody likes me, but it is ok
Mrs Ekim

 
Old 07-28-2006, 07:24 AM   #13
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Re: Lessons Learned

Mrs Ekim
I pray the Lord will guide you and Mike through the decisions you need to make. ........Marsha

 
Old 07-28-2006, 07:30 AM   #14
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Re: Lessons Learned

Thank you Marsha

Mrs Ekim

 
Old 07-28-2006, 07:43 AM   #15
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Re: Lessons Learned

Mrs. Ekim....my apologizes....I hadn't realized you had Lyme also...and I guess the anger of what my X put me through was put off onto you....Chronic illeness are very hard on ANY relationship.....

I do hope and PRAY for you both that things will work out for the best...and possibly you need to stay where you can get the right treatment...Like I suggested in the other thread possibly try the alternative even witht the antibiotics....Mrs. Ekim 2 years really isn't that long of treatment...KEEP FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE.....

God Bless You and Ekim!!!!!!
Try not to let a disease tear you apart....hold on tight!!!!!

 
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