6Blues

Hi Cindy!

I can relate 100% to your post. I've been there, and so have a lot of us.

So grab a big tall glass of filtered water and your Doxy, 'cuz here's another pep talk!

I also go through periods where I wonder when in the hell I will begin to feel better? How long does it take a stupid antibiotic to kill some bacteria for pete's sake? I've been on this medicine for 6 months - and no change! Should I stop? Should I switch? Should I give up? Should I swallow the whole bottle?

There are no answers. None.

I finally noticed an improvement at the 8 month mark (yes - 8 whole months!). Even still, I am only 20% better. That 20% motivates me to keep going and keep fighting. You know that I still have bad (really bad!) days.

Lyme is an insidious bacteria that infects and "hides" in just about every type of human tissue; brain, cardiac, muscle, joints, blood etc.

The drugs that we take are effective but since Lyme loves to hide and hang on by hook & crook - the medicines take longer to kill it than say, a strep throat.

Its been three months for you. I hate to say this but thats not really a long time. I wish I could tell you the name of a pill that will help you, but I don't know one. I wish I could tell you that next visit, your LLMD will switch you to antibiotic X and that you will feel improvement after 4 weeks ... but I can't.

Part of it is trial & error to see which anitbiotic kills the particular strain of Lyme that has infected your body. Part of it is how long you were infected before you got medicine. Part of it is the strength of your immune system. Part of it is how well your body detox's itself. Lots of factors with Lyme - thats why Levaquin works for me but not for someone else. Thats why I took Omnicef for 6 months and slowly got worse.

It's different for everyone but that doesn't help you, I know. Sorry there are no better words I can tell you.

At my three month mark, I also felt I was getting worse. I switched medicines. Three months later I was still feeling worse so I switched yet again. Each time I consulted with my LLMD who sincerely wants to see me get better and I follow her recommendations on which med to try next.

I was at my wits end. If my kids missed the bus, I broke down and sobbed because it meant I had to walk to the driveway, get in my truck and drive them four blocks to school. And that simple task was way too much for me to handle!

My son was sitting next to me on the sofa and I screamed at him for turning the pages.

I spilled a plate of food and it sat there on the floor for days. I skipped doses of my antibiotics because I could not remember to take them. If my kids were invited to a birthday party I freaked: how would I get to a store? How would I get them there? How would I remember what day it was or what house?

So many permission slips went unsigned.

I could not brush my teeth, shower, pay bills, talk or walk. I could not keep my eyes open for a whole 8 hours while at work. I would crash on my "lunch hour". I would sleep for 13 hours and wake up tired with a fever.

I was a mess, my house was a mess -- my life was a mess.

Then, with the help of the folks here, I realized that I was stressed and guilty and mad as hell because I could not do the simple, household, soccer mom things I used to ... because I was not the same person. Literally.

I am sick and I had to accept that changes were needed because I had to focus on me and getting myself better. Only a healthy mom can do healthy mom stuff.

So ... here I was, living on my sofa because I could not handle going to my bedroom. Bags of garbage piled near the front door because I could not remember garbage day. Bills going unpaid. So tired. So very tired.

I asked for help.

If my kids had a school play, class trip, birthday party, etc., I had them call another mom and explain that they needed help getting to and from practice, getting this or that. These other moms never paid me much attention, but when we needed help - they were more than happy to jump in.

My son went to a friends' house after school and was driven home. My daughter did the same. A few of the other parents would come here and pick my kids up and then bring them back home after a play date or a school trip.

My neighbors think I'm a loon and my family has been avoiding me since I got sick. I was pleasantly surprised at how these other parents (moms mostly) got involved. I also made sure the teachers knew how sick I was.

If my son forgot a permission slip, they had ways of tweaking the system so that he could go on a class trip. If my daughter needed to print a report (our printer was out of ink for almost a year), she emailed to someone at the school to print it for her.

My point is that you need to treat yourself as you would a friend. You are sick. You cannot go to soccer games and stand in the sun for 4 hours. You can have someone tape the game or just forgive yourself for not being there with a cooler full of gatorade, cheering the loudest.

You have to sleep. You have to find some way to have your kids supervised so that you can rest. If your kids have friends, get on the phone and explain that you need help. If the other moms won't help, call your church, call the high school (free babysitters), call the township. Someone out there will watch your kids while you rest. Wish I lived closer - I'd send my kids over there to help you!

Forget dinner. If you can't cook, get microwavable meals. I hate to say this but if your family doesn't like it - too bad.

You concentrate on getting back on track with your medicine. Make a chart, fill a cup with your daily pills, line them up on the nightstand. What ever it takes.

Your kids will be fine if you miss a season of soccer. What they need is a healthy mom. You will be teaching them good lessons by taking care of yourself right now.

Maybe you can hang a happy face on your bedroom door when its Ok for you to be disturbed and a sleeping face when you cannot be disturbed.

I know I went on and on here - hope you're still reading! - but this is what folks said to me when I was exactly where you're at.

Do not give up! You will feel better someday!

I take Doxy too and I wear long sleeves and gloves and a huge hat and I feel silly walking around like this - but too bad.

Hope I wasn't too long winded.

Peace and health and rest to you!