Ahoy joyjoy. You're a sweetie pie for asking about me.
I've been lurking; starting posts but I get too upset and tuckered out to finish. I've started replies to posts (like yours about the Babesia) but then I give up before I click submit. My apologies for not responding to your post by the way.
Short answer: It's been a slow motion train wreck around here. I'm hanging in there.
Long answer: Grab one (or all) of your 4-legged babies, a cup of tea and I'll spill my guts. The hair event:
My hair is blonde, baby fine and curly. If I put some froo-froo hair stuff in it and scrunch like heck, it didn't look too bad. When I got sick it fell out in clumps and my scalp was visible but I had worse problems so I ignored it.
During treatment, it came back nice and thick but I couldn't take care of it and over the past few years it knotted into a h-u-g-e ball hanging off the back of my head.
I finally made an appointment and after $300 and 5 hours of tugging and pulling (talk about neck and back pain!) and cutting out the worst of it, a few angels at a salon near the beach took care of it. During those hours my daughter got bored so I told her to grab a few bucks from my purse and go get a soda or an ice cream up on the boardwalk (a block away).
I felt better having that heavy knot of matted off my head but all I wanted to do was go home and put a heating pad on my neck. I walked outside and found my truck was not where I parked it. It turns out my daughter took my truck and went JOYRIDING with NO permit, NO license, NO driving lessons, no nothing. On top of it, she locked my keys inside! I was livid. I was so upset! All I could do was stand there and start to cry.
I used to be such an in-charge type of person. I never turned to jelly in any situation. I was embarrassed over how I just stood there like a bumbling fool.
What if she had hurt someone? What if she had hit someone or something? I may have lost my house. How on earth could she have risked that? Let alone she risked my only mode of transportation!
I had to walk to find a gas station that could help us break in to get the keys so I could get home. I have no clue where my spares are and no one to call for help anyway.
It was a beautiful day and the beach & boardwalk were packed. I wasn't feeling well, I was swerving all over the place to find a gas station, and of course folks were staring at me. God forbid anyone asks if I need help. I had to walk past all the places I used to hang out, eat dinner, take my kids, and the places I used to dance. I felt like a jerk walking and swerving which made me cry which made ppl stare at me even more and made me cry more. I was terrified of being seen by someone I used to know.
Eventually, we got the truck opened and got home. Of course, my daughter was grounded and my poor body was even more sore than before due to all the walking. The criminal event:
Just TWO DAYS after the hair event, I'm sitting in bed working and the bell rings so I answer the door. There's a police officer at my door and a patrol car in my driveway with my daughter in the backseat! SHE'S BEEN ARRESTED FOR SHOPLIFTING!!!
WHAT THE HECK?!?!? I was in shock. First of all she was grounded from joyriding, so she was to come home and go straight to her room. Apparently she came home, dropped her books in the garage and took off on her bike, went to a store with a friend and decided to STEAL???
I've been divorced 12 years and have always put our family unit above all else. I never dragged strange men in and out of my kids lives. We never had much money so they're not spoiled by any means. I am always honest with them. I never bad mouth their dad, I never put them in the middle of any contention with him - never, not even once. I don't tolerate bad language, bad grades, disrespect or rudeness. I'm a tough, strict parent. They have to tell me where they are, who they're with, etc.
Most of their friends prefer to hang out here. It can be trying to have a house full of teenagers, but I kinda like it. Their friends come over all the time. They don't even knock anymore - they walk in, say hello to me, ask how I'm doing, ask if there's anything they can do for me and just hang out here. I like it because I know my kids' friends and I know what they're up to.
I sacrificed years to send them to Catholic school so they had moral reinforcement. They have great role models. So why didn't she listen to the gaurdian angel on her shoulder??
How could she bring shame to this family by SHOPLIFTING?? What compelled her to pull this kind of crap?!? The job event:
I found out 4 hours post facto that I am on unpaid leave until sometime in November. I'm a contractor at work but no one bothered to tell my contract house until after I had been working half a day for free. So on top of all else, I have no money coming in for a while. I don't feel well enough to do much more than sit in bed and spend time on my laptop, usually working. Now that I have no work to do -- what do I do? I can't paint, spackle, plant shrubs or mow my lawn. I feel useless. The rescue event:
My daughter's best friend has been beaten by her mom for a few years. I even witnessed it once myself. I couldn't sit by in my warm safe home and know that this poor kid was in danger so I called child protective services.
Long story short, she's living with us now, rooming with my daughter. The bedroom is huge so they have enough space and I'll make sure she does homework and gets into college, etc.
I'm glad it worked out this way. My mom had a different but similiar experience as a kid and I always had it in the back of my mind that should I ever be in a position to observe a kid in need, I would act and do something. Things sure could have gone a lot smoother with this particular situation.
This kid has a boyfriend whose parents were aware of the abuse and did nothing. So I pick her up tonight from the shelter house and bring her home where I had presents and balloons and then she tells me how her boyfriends' parents are taking her out to a fancy restaurant tomorrow to celebrate her freedom from her abuser.
I was really taken aback. They did nothing to help this kid (not even a phone call to any authorities), and here I am with Lyme, making room in my house for her to live here safely and it didn't occur to them to invite me to the celebration? Selfish jerks.
I hope I don't sound like a jerk also, but they are pretty well off and they are aware of my illness and that I'm a single parent, etc. I know them as aquaintences and it just hurt my feelings that after this whole horrid affair, they didn't think to include me. The ex event:
My ex knows I am sick yet he picked up my kids Friday night and led me to believe they were going out to dinner. He calls me later and says that he brought my kids to his house and that I'll have to come get them on Sunday, 170 miles round trip. I can't stand it when he pulls this crap. He knows I'm sick and I can't handle long drives like that. He is such a jerk to pull this crap.
My social isolation has been painfully present lately. God how I wish I had a big, tall strong husband who would not let people treat me this way. He would stick up for me. Heck, I'd even settle for a male friend who would just stand in my doorway and stare at my ex.
So, in conclusion, I've been through the ringer lately. I have enough money in the bank to live for a couple of months. Thank God my insurance company is still paying for my I.V, drugs. I'm keeping my cool but, God Almighty, it sure would feel good to have some good luck for a change.
I try to remind myself that I am lucky - I do have a job to go back to, my kids don't have Lyme and with God's grace they'll go to college. I am able to do the dishes and grocery shop. I can walk without a wheelchair. I can type. I can still behave compassionately.
But, jeez louise joyjoy, it sure would be great to catch a break.
I'll try to post/reply more but no promises. I often feel w/r/t Lyme that this is as good I'm going to get.
The oscillopsia affects my vision so bad that I probably shouldn't be driving.
It is so sad for me to think that after 3 years and thousands of dollars, that this may be as good as I'm going to get.
Apologies if I was a downer - that's the way it goes sometimes with Lyme recovery.
How are you? Have you been tested yet for co-infections?
Love and peace and health to you,