I know exactly what you're going through. I'm a single mom of 2 and I went through (still going through) the worst this disease has.
I'll try to keep this short, but when I get yapping, I go on and on and on ....
I was working a great job, had 2 little ones, just bought my own house (a broken piece of junk) and was doing all the renovations myself. I was healthy and in a great place in my life with friends, boyfriends, family, hobbies, a great dog and cat, etc.
Skip ahead a year or two and I was barely alive.
I completely lost my sense of balance. I had horrible fatigue, bad vision problems, no short term memory, brain fog so bad I could barely function, trouble speaking, weight gain (100 lbs), hair loss, PAIN, fevers, chills, killer headaches, etc.
I could not get mail from the mailbox. Utility companies came to the door to shut us off. Home repairs came to a screeching halt. I surrendered my animals (broke my heart!!!!!!!!!) to good homes.
I worked from home and I sat on the sofa and worked because it was too much effort to walk to the other side of the room where the computer desk was. I slept on the sofa because it was too much effort to go to my bedroom. I would log onto my computer and a conference call and I put the volumes of the phone and computer on high so I could nap during work but wake up if I heard someone call my name.
Garbage began to pile up. There were pizza boxes everywhere because I could not cook or clean or shop. I stopped brushing my teeth and showering because the only renovated bathroom was on the 2nd floor and climbing stairs felt like a trip up Mt. Everest.
Laundry and dirty clothes were all over the place. My kids had to cook for themselves and get themselves out to school and do thier own homework and school projects and laundry and answer the phone and all sorts of things that little kids shouldn't have to do.
I taught them how to use my debit card. I would drive to the grocery store and sleep in my truck while they went in and shopped. I taught them how to get cash back from purchases, so they had lunch money.
If they missed the bus in the morning, I just started to cry because I could not manage getting shoes on and driving them 2 blocks to school.
I had to keep a chart of all my medicines because I would take a pill and then 5 minutes later, forget if I had taken it.
We had no Christmas tree a few years in a row because I could not manage it. I just couldn't do it.
After work, I would lie down where I was sitting and try to sleep. I battled fatigue and insomnia at the same time which is the worst combination to live with.
If I was working and my kids walked in the room to ask me a question, I didn't comprehend either what they asked me or what I was doing at work. It felt like 2 trains crashing in my head and my brain wasn't firing correctly.
I probably has severe depression also but was too sick to realize it.
The lawn did not get mowed. My kids hardly went anywhere because I could not drive them. The trash can didn't get put out at the curb and my garage filled with years of recyclables that never got put out for collection.
My friends and family avoided us like the plague once I got sick (I still harbor resentment about this but I'm working on forgiveness).
I lived in sweatpants because getting dressed seemed like a major operation. I didn't brush my hair. It was in a pony tail for years.
Once, my daugher made me a bowl of soup. She carried it over and handed to me. I reached out my hands, but my coordination wasn't working and it spilled all over me, burning my lap. I could not jump up. I could not react like a normal person. I just sat there, covered in hot soup, sobbing my eyes out.
I lived like this for about 2 years, give or take, and I was being treated at the time. I even ended up in a mental hospital. That was traumatic for me. (I'm starting to cry now even remembering that experience)
The worst part was that I had to be my own advocate. I didn't have a husband to bring in a paycheck or drive me to the doctors or even hold me while I cried or to help out with the kids. I have family that lives nearby, but they avoided me when I got sick.
I did it alone.
In hindsight, I should have gone on disability. I had no one in my life to tell me to apply or help me through the process.
This board helped me A LOT. It helped just to post when I felt I wanted to die. It helped to read others feeling the same way I was.
Another thing that helped me was to see an LLMD. If your doctor is a good Lyme doctor, you may want to keep him, even if he's not perfect.
Or maybe you can search out a different one. If you post where you live (apologies if you mentioned this already and I didn't remember), someone can recommend an LLMD.
For the first two years of my treatment I tried many many antibiotics. Different ones work for different people.
It depends on your metabolism, your immune system, which strain of Lyme you have, which co-infections you have, etc.
I tested positive for Lyme but negative for all the co-infections. The first two years of my treatment, my LLMD focused on the Lyme.
Then, on a hunch, she started treating me for Bartonella and put me on Levaquin. A few months on that and I felt tons better!
Oh gosh - sorry this is so long!!
I feel MUCH BETTER NOW! Tackling my co-infection first helped me the most. I can think and talk and walk. I don't know how, but we made it through and you will too.
I have to commute to a job now and I'm barely managing it. I cry when I drive home because I'm so tired and everything hurts.
Hang in there. DOn't give up. It may take a while for the medicines to work, but you will feel better someday.
Your son will survive. He'll be fine. I know it must be so sad for you to not be able to even take him to a park to swing on some swings or even go outside and play.
Try not to feel guilty.
If you take care of yourself and concentrate on getting yourself back to being healthy, you'll have given him a great gift.
Try not to worry about your finances. I know it seems impossible and you must lie awake at night wondering what will happen to you, but try not to worry. Stress can exacerbate your symptoms.
Maybe you can find a social security disability lawyer who doesn't take money up front? Maybe you can call a local church or temple or hospital and ask for assistance?
Maybe you can call the local library and ask if they have a program for little children and volunteers who can bring your son there?
Maybe call your doctors office and ask if they know of any programs that you qualify for to get some assistance or they can put you in touch with a support group who can refer to some assistance?
I don't know what state you live in, but some states offer free health insurance for kids and offer discounted insurance for adults. Might be worth checking into.
Also, pharmacuetical companies offer discounts. Writing a letter might save you some bucks.
Sometimes when we take action, our fears don't seem as big and scary. I wish I could make these calls for you!!
I wish I had answers for you. Just try to hang on.
Hope you don't mind some questions ....
How were you diagnosed? How long have you been under treatment? How long does your doctor keep you on each protocol? Have you done any detoxing? Have you tried any alternative therpaies?
Hang in there and feel free to post anytime. This place is always open.
Peace and health to you,