Hi Nexis and Jojo.
I've been there too. My losses weren't are deep as Jojo's but I can relate to what you're going through. (Wish I could give you both a big hug!!!)
I spent a few years living on my couch. My bedroom was such a pigsty, I didn't have the energy to walk in there and clear a space.
I didn't shower, change my clothes, sometimes I skipped brushing my teeth because it was too much effort for me to walk to the sink. (gross but true).
I completely lost my sense of balance, I have permanent vision problems and ... so many other terrible symptoms I went through. yuck!
I too lost my friends, my animals (had to surrender them) and my family. I cannot come to terms with this yet. I would never treat anyone like they treated me. I cannot understand thier motive so I cannot yet forgive.
I was too sick to realize that I should have gone on disability. I was too sick to pay my bills, take out my trash, do laundry, cook or clean. Pizza boxes were piling up all over.
I don't know how I managed. I guess it was the grace of God or something.
These boards were my only form of communication. I posted constantly.
Some of my old posts are still here, buried somewhere. Run a quick search on my name and you can read my painful experiences. It may help you to know that others have gone through exactly what you're going through.
Here's the hopeful news .... I feel MUCH BETTER NOW!
I've been on massive doses of antibiotics for almost 4 years and I feel much better than I did.
Everyone is different though. Some folks here found relief using non-traditional treatments. Others found relief sooner than me. Some antibiotics work for some but not for others.
I know there are LLMD's (Lyme Literate Medical Doctors) all over the world. If you want to post where you live, maybe someone can recommend a doctor. Have you tried searching for a Lyme association or foundation in your country?
There are places in the U.S.A. that will give references to LLMD's. I cannot post thier name or number; you'll have to search and find them yourself.
I'll be thinking about you. Remember that we went through it too and that someday, can't say when, but someday you will feel better!!
Peace and health to you,