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Old 10-21-2010, 07:54 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: upstate,NY
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kdel HB Userkdel HB User
Losing it with spouse! Anyone else?

I am so angry with my husband. I swear he is the most self absorbed, impossibly frustrating, ignorant jerk!

No matter what is happening with my health he is just going about his life as if nothing is wrong with me.

I have stopped telling him anything about this illness because he just doesn't want to understand it. He sees what it is doing to me - he has seen me come home from only 3 hours work and collapse into bed , he has seen me limping because of pain in hip or knee, he has seen me unable to bend my arm because elbow is so painful and stiff sometimes I cannot bring a cup to my mouth and the best is that for weeks I have had pain and stiffness in my jaw and told him repeatedly that I cannot chew some of the things he wants us to have for dinner - what did he do the other night? Brought home 2 giant steaks for dinner! Then acts surprised when I flip out on him last night for doing the same damn thing. I can't chew it A&*#***!

Ugh, I'm just so tired of trying to make him understand. I got a lyme book 2 weeks ago and told him to read it - (I did this because the last time he asked about it and I started to explain he actually fell asleep!! and it was not late and I was only talking for maybe 5 min. Anyway in 2 weeks time he never touched the book. Last night he read about 3 pages - woohoo!

Sorry - just venting - any body else deal w/this?

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 08:40 AM   #2
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jenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB Userjenj770 HB User
Re: Losing it with spouse! Anyone else?

Kdel,

I'm so sorry that you do not have a supportive home environment. May I suggest that you try to find support elsewhere? There is a Lyme support group in NYC. Some research will probably turn up groups nearer to your area as well. The stress that is generated trying to "get through" to your husband is only feeding the illness. Stress is one of the worst things for Lyme, probably for any illness, but with Lyme the effects seem to be immediate.

Maybe if you find support elsewhere you won't have to try to convince your husband of anything and, just possibly, without you wishing things to be different, he may start to turn around unbidden. We can't control other people and often when they feel someone is trying to control them they will go in the opposite direction.

Try to give yourself the love and support that you want (along with finding like-minded lymies) and then you will probably have less anger toward your husband. I'm not saying you shouldn't be angry, but I would just ask "Is it helping your situation at all?".

I wish you the very best and feel certain that a lyme support group would help alleviate much of this present situation. Because we have all been through feeling alone and lonely in this illness there are understanding and loving Lyme groups to be a part of. If you can't find one (but I'm sure you will) just keep coming back here!

Hugs,

Jen

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 04:36 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
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guido15241 HB User
Re: Losing it with spouse! Anyone else?

Have him watch a copy of Under Our Skin.

Lyme also makes your anxiety go through the roof. Some LLMD's address this and some do not. The point is to make an attempt at reducing your stress level because it has an impact on your immune system and ability to heal. Find support elsewhere (from family or friends) or even a mild anti depressant (temporarily).

BTW, it feels good venting. Doesn't it?

 
Old 10-22-2010, 03:08 AM   #4
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jaynelouise HB User
Smile Re: Losing it with spouse! Anyone else?

Hi, I had to giggle when I read your post ONLY because I 'flipped' with my 'other half' a couple of nights ago - I blamed the 'full moon'!!

I have experienced the 'nodding of to sleep' when I have been explaining lyme stuff. Also he will sometimes suggest an activity, eg; walking around a motorcycle show for hours - when I mentioned a few hours before that -I was having a flare! -

I understand the 'frustration' beleive me. I have to say though that he is very kind hearted - maybe it is the fact that often us 'lymies' can appear to be functioning/coping etc; quite well - or is it just a 'man thing'

I DO understand x

 
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