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Old 11-12-2006, 09:01 PM   #1
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Need advice please, I'm terrified.

My husband found a large lump under his chin last week and when he went to our family doctor he was told to prepare himself for bad news this week when he goes for a biopsy. He is constantly fatiqued and has occasional night sweats he always attributed this to a large amount of stess he went through earlier this year. He has had no weight loss or nausea. He just told me all this last night and I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I'm still in shock. It doesn't seem real. We have four kids aged 9, 12, 14, and 17 and we are both terrified. What exactly can we expect if our worst fears are confirmed with the biopsy? Like I said, his family doctor is already convinced. Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I'm walking around in a daze, can't eat or sleep and can't stop crying. I have no idea how I'm going to go to work in the morning. I know this is the worst thing I can do for him and the kids are going to notice soon which he doesn't want. Please help!

Thanks.

 
Old 11-12-2006, 11:38 PM   #2
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HettK HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoniaL
My husband found a large lump under his chin last week and when he went to our family doctor he was told to prepare himself for bad news this week when he goes for a biopsy. He is constantly fatiqued and has occasional night sweats he always attributed this to a large amount of stess he went through earlier this year. He has had no weight loss or nausea. He just told me all this last night and I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I'm still in shock. It doesn't seem real. We have four kids aged 9, 12, 14, and 17 and we are both terrified. What exactly can we expect if our worst fears are confirmed with the biopsy? Like I said, his family doctor is already convinced. Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. I'm walking around in a daze, can't eat or sleep and can't stop crying. I have no idea how I'm going to go to work in the morning. I know this is the worst thing I can do for him and the kids are going to notice soon which he doesn't want. Please help!

Thanks.
The best advice I could give you is to take it one day at a time and above all, pray. You are stronger than you realize and you and your husband can make it through this. In cancer, one of the most powerful options you have is mainintaing optimal cancer nutrition, which I know a thing or two about and am currently giving advice to a friend who's going through radiation and initially had esophagul cancer which metastized to into the stomach. Last I heard from her (a couple days ago) the esophagul cancer is GONE and the stomach cancer has been reduced by 1/3!!

 
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Old 11-13-2006, 04:33 AM   #3
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago with non hodgkins lymphoma. I know exactly the terror you are living through. Remember that lymphoma is very treatable. I'm not sure which kind your husband has, if he even has it. There is hodgkins disease (I refuse to use capital letters when talking about thsi disease..lol) and then there's non hodgkins. There are 40 different kinds of non hodgkins. I have a low grade form/chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

If he indeed has it, he may be starting treatments. I had a very easy form of treatment, Rituxan. I was not sick at all and didn't lose my hair. I am currently in remission and going for more scans today. (Keep your fingers crossed)

I want you to know that if he does have lymphoma, this is the most difficult part you folks will go through....the waiting. And believe it or not, the rest of your life won't be like this. You will get used to the new normal and you won't think about it every minute of your life. You'll laugh again, and you'll think of the long term future. If he has lymphoma and needs to undergo treatment, he will feel like he's doing something to get better, and he'll feel like he's more in control. You might not believe it, but it will be easier than it is now. If you can just make it through this awfully scary time, you guys will be just fine, I promise.

Last edited by Debbiefix; 11-13-2006 at 01:01 PM.

 
Old 11-13-2006, 12:53 PM   #4
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dannieishappy HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

I know your scared and thats normal. But PLEASE know this..there is life after cancer. I was diagnosed with hodgkins lymphoma..my son was only 2 years old...that was ELEVEN years ago!!! Take a deep breath and pull up your boot straps. Just remember..cancer is the enemy..Take more from it than it takes from you. Please keep us posted and GOD BLESS

 
Old 11-13-2006, 01:41 PM   #5
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Ails HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Hi

The worst part really is the waiting - once you know what's wrong (if there even IS something wrong) you just kind of deal with it.

Treatments these days are fantastic and in many types of lymphoma doctors refer to not only remission but cure.

Remember to try to keep positive and keep your sense of humour - in my experience these can be your biggest assets

Take care and good luck

Ails xx

 
Old 11-13-2006, 03:31 PM   #6
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Thanks for all the helpful replies. It's been a very long 48 hours to say the least. My husband seems to be taking this better than I am but he has always been the strong one. I'm really trying not to let every conversation I have with him focus on this and I was finally able to eat a little something today. I am passing along all the info I find on here to him and he just keeps saying let's hope everyone's right. What we both found rather strange was our family doctor telling Mark to brace himself for the worst. Is it me or is this not the norm? Doesn't a doctor usually say not to worry until further testing is done? I know nightsweats are one of the symptoms, are these frequent night sweats or are occasional night sweats a symptom as well (one every week or two?) Sorry for all the questions, I'm just grasping at straws here... I do find being able to talk to someone helps, especially because Mark won't talk to anyone but me about it and he's working afternoons right now. That's another question I have, is it dangerous for him to be working a lot at this time? He's only had one day off in 15 days right now. I'm scared this is going to make him even more tired but he says I'm just being silly, he's not going to change anything he does right now at least not until he knows for sure. Did anyone else feel like this when they first found out?

Thanks again everyone and good luck with those tests, Debbie I'm crossing my fingers for you

Sonia

 
Old 11-13-2006, 04:04 PM   #7
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Sonia-
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I too am in a waiting period and know first hand how frustrating and maddening it can be. When will your husband have the biopsy done? Do you know how long it will take to find out the results? Hopefully they will do an excisional and if so, you may be able to find out relatively quickly. That will at least cut down on the amount of time you have to wonder. I wish you both all the best in the world and I pray that everything turns out fine. The good news is you are doing everything you can to help your husband. Good luck and definitely keep us updated.
In the meantime feel free to post as much as possible. As evident in my thread, it helps alot!!
Jen

 
Old 11-13-2006, 04:44 PM   #8
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Jen, I had an excissional biopsy. I HAD to know immediately because I was losing my mind with worry. The surgeon had them do a frozen section and they had the results before I was even in the recovery room. It's the only way to go.

 
Old 11-15-2006, 04:07 AM   #9
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mandy. HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

hi just thought id give you a bit of reassurance my brother got diagnosed with lymphnoid cancer 14 months ago we all fell apart he's only 27 he's married and has 2 children so you can imagine how his wife fealt to. You always expect the worst but the doctors kept telling him its going to be hard and your going to get ill, He's had numerous sessions of chemo and yes he did loose all his hair but i just looked at it as i'd prefer him 2 loose his hair than to loose him, he has had moments when hes felt down and depressed but i think you will be there to help your husband through that. My brother has now finished his chemo and the cancer has gone he's hair was only gone for 6 months and he's now back to normal he didn't suffer any weight loss or side effects the only thing is he wont be able to have any more children but you sound like you have a lovely family already. so if i were you I wouldn"t worry its hard not to i know but stay strong for each other and you"l make it through this and this time next year it will be you advising someone not me take care mandy

 
Old 11-27-2006, 09:18 AM   #10
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Hi Sonia. I know you're scared right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel - honest! My husband was diagnosed with hodgkins disease 5 years ago at the age of 56. He is currently coming to the end of his 4th year in remission, and life is grand!

I too fell apart when we suspected that he had cancer (he also had a lump under his chin, and one at the side of his neck), and spent a whole night crying in the bathroom so that he didn't know, but the next day I thought "ok, bawling my head off isn't going to make it go away, so whatever needs doing we are going to do it!" I couldn't believe how much better I felt having forced myself into a positive attitude. The waiting is the worst part, and in a perverse kind of way it's a relief to have a definite diagnosis and to be able to get on with "doing" something about it.

You say your husband has always been the strong one, but now is the time you have to take your turn Your husband needs to know that you are going to take control if he's going to be "out of sorts" for a while. He needs to be able to concentrate on getting better without having to worry if the bills have been paid, or if the dog's starving to death! If the diagnosis does confirm your fears then your children need to know that Dad's not going to be very well for a while, but he will get better, so you could do with their help too!

Our mantra during his treatment was "failure is not an option!" and neither of us honestly thought that he wasn't going to come out of it at the other end.

I can't stress enough how important it is for both of you to BE POSITIVE! You'll have less time to think about your fears if you're too busy being positive and looking after your husband for a while.

I hope this doesn't sound too hard - but take it from someone who's been there - it works! The success rate for hodkin's lymphoma is very high.

Oh - and one more thing - KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR! Most important! People around you may feel embarrased and not know what to say - get it out into the open and deal with it. Think of the song - "when the going gets tough - the tough get going" - well get tough girl! You CAN do this, believe me.

Hopefully, all this advice won't be needed - but if it is, the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train!

 
Old 11-28-2006, 09:16 PM   #11
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grandmato 4 HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

you can learn so much from the lymphoma society website. They teach you all you need to learn to ease your mind, at least it gives you info. Information is power and also there is great power in prayer. I am waiting to have a helical cat scan for lung and chest "abnormalities" they found in my cat scan. Prayer and positive attitude helps. Love and bless you

 
Old 11-30-2006, 12:40 PM   #12
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almok HB User
Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Sonia,

Take it a step at a time. No matter what happens it will be all right. What concerns me is the conclusion that your family doctor came to. Night sweats, a lump and fatigue can be many things or nothing at all. No doctor can say without testing what a situation might be from medical history, so do not jump to conclusions. I have seen many times in my life and in the lives of friends and family what appeared to be something was not what they had originally thought. It is always said that in light of obvious symptoms, the possibility of lypmhoma is small because lymphoma is not all that common compared to other physical ailments that demonstrate similar symptoms. Take it a step at a time.

Alex

 
Old 12-19-2006, 07:39 PM   #13
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

Thanks so much for all the wonderful positive replies. I really find them comforting. We are trying to carry on as normal as possible until we find out some firm diagnosis. We are going for the first appointment with a specialist tomorrow afternoon. What can we expect on this first visit?

The past two days have been extremely difficult for Mark with this appointment looming just before the holidays and he seems to be slipping into a state of depression. He looks like he's going to break down each time the kids mention Christmas. They have no idea what's going on and of course like all kids at this time of year, they can't contain their excitement. He keeps making small comments to me such as, "I wonder if they'll be this excited next Christmas?" I keep trying to say something to reassure him but it doesn't seem to be helping. I just wish there was more I could do. I feel like whatever I say is the wrong thing, it's like he's already given up before he even knows. Did anyone else feel this way while they were waiting for results? Is this normal?

Thanks again and have a wonderful holiday season with all your loved ones

Sonya

 
Old 12-22-2006, 06:01 AM   #14
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

I am a 61 year old retired male...I found out on my birthday (this month) that I have lymphoma...Mine is in my groin area...I have not lost any weight, no night sweats, no symptoms at all except for the swelling..I am to go to a oncologist on the 26th to see what is next..I guess I am lucky to have my kids raised and have spent time with my grandkids...I just joined this board today and I am researching all the info I can...the post I have read today have lifted my spirits..God has dealt me this hand and I want to play it out the best I can..

Last edited by Gottadoit; 12-22-2006 at 06:04 AM.

 
Old 03-03-2007, 03:58 PM   #15
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Re: Need advice please, I'm terrified.

have you heard anything about the herbal therapy Cancer End? Or about Saint Joesphs Medical center in Mexico

 
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