I'm crying as I'm writing this because I am so scared. Im worried I might have Lymphoma but I don't know if its real or not because I might also have hypochondria.
I just turned 21 years old, and Im female. I am half white/Native American.
Everytime I have a minor ache or pain I think the worst. The fear that Im terminally ill might have been caused from stress - who knows.
It started in April 2008. I was always having headaches and blurried vision. It bothered me not knowing what was causing them. One night I got so tired of it I went to the ER. I had convinced myself that I had a brain tumor. The ER doctor examined me and did several conclusive tests including a CT scan and a MRI. Everything came back fine. I should have been relieved - No brain tumor! But I still didn't have a sense of closure.
In late May I started to have horrible abdominal pains. The pains were not in any specific part of my abdomin and varied each day. I finally was able to go to the doctor, and she ordered a couple blood tests to rule out anything serious. I was VERY excited to do this so I could figure out what was wrong with me. The blood tests included tests for Diabetes, Mono, Anemia, and a Complete Blood Count test. When I got the phone call that my blood test came back completely clear - healthy as an ox, I was relieved at first. And then thought's of
"What if I didnt prepare for the blood test and I really do have something" came into my mind. I was supposed to not eat or drink anything for 8 hours before the test, but I did anyway. So that started to really pick at me.
Shortly after hearing the news that my blood test came back fine, I started having chest pains and trouble breathing, So of course I convinced myself that I had lung cancer. I've never even smoked. I went and got a chest x-ray, and naturally the results came back as the other tests did. Clear.
It was almost like I couldn't accept hearing that I'm okay. Almost like I wanted something to be wrong. An excuse maybe.
After all of that drama, the past couple months I find myself reading about every serious form of cancer, aids, pheomonia...you name it - I've researched it.
In the beginning of August I started to have an EXTREMELY itchy scalp, and a bunch of bumps all over it. My doc said it was a hair follicule infection and gave me anti-biotics, but it came back...so she gave me a higher dosage and it went away. But I still feel pretty itchy all over my body. Not all the time, but Sometimes out of no where my skin on a random part of my body will get red and itchy.
My latest fixation is after I read a couple articles about a form of cancer called 'Lymphoma', I've convinced myself I have it. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago swearing that my lymph nodes were swollen and preparing myself for the worst, but of course, I was examined by 3 different doctors and all said I was completely fine - nothing was swollen-no bumps. They ordered a blood test just to make sure I was okay - results came - and I was fine.
Now, 3 weeks later I still feel like I have something and it's driving me insane. I am so tired of obsessing over my health - convincing myself I have some serious disease. It's physically exausting. I find myself poking at my neck my collar bone - random places in my body - looking for cancerous lumps or anything abnormal. Anytime I get a general discomfort or ache I assume it's the big "C".
My only thought's are, when I think about me getting the results of the many test's I had, everytime I was told I was perfectly fine - the symptoms mysteriously went away. The headaches, the abdominal pains, the chest pains, all are no longer present. I am now starting to think it's just all in my head and I have hypochondria. I keep trying to think of a reason why I would do this to myself. I want to be happy, and I would love to live a long happy healthy life. I have lost some very special people in my life due to cancer, and other serious diseases and I'm wondering if that's why I've become so obsessed.
It's interesting too because when I read about lymphoma I didnt have or feel like "swollen lymph nodes" ...but after it I do, but like I said I had 3 different docters at the ER examine me and they felt nothing.
So I can't tell if it really is something serious or if I'm just causing it myself. I'm the type of person where if you tell me you have a stomach ache - 10 minutes later I'll have one.
All in all Im just a mess I think about this everyday. Like I said though I was examined and had blood tests 3 weeks ago and they sent me home said I was "healthy as an ox".
It's just SO frusterating not knowing whats wrong with me.
As of now my only symptoms are itchy all over, I didn't associate that with lymphoma of course until I read that it was a symptom of lymphoma and now I'm freaking out. But I have had no night sweats...no wieght loss - infact wieght gain. Besides that I am CONSTANTLY poking at my armpits-neck-collarbone-groin checking for lumps.
So heres a list of problems I go through in general.
-my skin gets really itchy out of no where
-sometimes i get like a really acidic spitup in my mouth - its like not vomit but it's "spitup"
-my breasts are really tender sometimes....I mean REALLY tender - hurts to touch.
-sometimes I feel like I have a lump in my throat like internal lump.
-aches and pains all over - sometimes on my upper arms/arm pits and my inner thighs.
I am 4'11 and 157 pounds. I have no lost wieght infact ive actually gained alot of wieght.
My Diet is sadly pretty much MCdonalds and pizza everyday because I cant afford groceries/kitchen equipment.
And I don't really exersice.
Oh, and I'm also probably the most stressed out person you will ever talk to
Ive spent so much money on all these tests I cant see a doctor for a long time now...I have no health insurance. Please give me you're honest opinion.