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Old 09-20-2008, 12:46 PM   #1
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Mandilynne HB User
Unhappy Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Hi all.
I'm crying as I'm writing this because I am so scared. Im worried I might have Lymphoma but I don't know if its real or not because I might also have hypochondria.
I just turned 21 years old, and Im female. I am half white/Native American.

Everytime I have a minor ache or pain I think the worst. The fear that Im terminally ill might have been caused from stress - who knows.

It started in April 2008. I was always having headaches and blurried vision. It bothered me not knowing what was causing them. One night I got so tired of it I went to the ER. I had convinced myself that I had a brain tumor. The ER doctor examined me and did several conclusive tests including a CT scan and a MRI. Everything came back fine. I should have been relieved - No brain tumor! But I still didn't have a sense of closure.

In late May I started to have horrible abdominal pains. The pains were not in any specific part of my abdomin and varied each day. I finally was able to go to the doctor, and she ordered a couple blood tests to rule out anything serious. I was VERY excited to do this so I could figure out what was wrong with me. The blood tests included tests for Diabetes, Mono, Anemia, and a Complete Blood Count test. When I got the phone call that my blood test came back completely clear - healthy as an ox, I was relieved at first. And then thought's of
"What if I didnt prepare for the blood test and I really do have something" came into my mind. I was supposed to not eat or drink anything for 8 hours before the test, but I did anyway. So that started to really pick at me.

Shortly after hearing the news that my blood test came back fine, I started having chest pains and trouble breathing, So of course I convinced myself that I had lung cancer. I've never even smoked. I went and got a chest x-ray, and naturally the results came back as the other tests did. Clear.

It was almost like I couldn't accept hearing that I'm okay. Almost like I wanted something to be wrong. An excuse maybe.

After all of that drama, the past couple months I find myself reading about every serious form of cancer, aids, pheomonia...you name it - I've researched it.

In the beginning of August I started to have an EXTREMELY itchy scalp, and a bunch of bumps all over it. My doc said it was a hair follicule infection and gave me anti-biotics, but it came back...so she gave me a higher dosage and it went away. But I still feel pretty itchy all over my body. Not all the time, but Sometimes out of no where my skin on a random part of my body will get red and itchy.

My latest fixation is after I read a couple articles about a form of cancer called 'Lymphoma', I've convinced myself I have it. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago swearing that my lymph nodes were swollen and preparing myself for the worst, but of course, I was examined by 3 different doctors and all said I was completely fine - nothing was swollen-no bumps. They ordered a blood test just to make sure I was okay - results came - and I was fine.

Now, 3 weeks later I still feel like I have something and it's driving me insane. I am so tired of obsessing over my health - convincing myself I have some serious disease. It's physically exausting. I find myself poking at my neck my collar bone - random places in my body - looking for cancerous lumps or anything abnormal. Anytime I get a general discomfort or ache I assume it's the big "C".

My only thought's are, when I think about me getting the results of the many test's I had, everytime I was told I was perfectly fine - the symptoms mysteriously went away. The headaches, the abdominal pains, the chest pains, all are no longer present. I am now starting to think it's just all in my head and I have hypochondria. I keep trying to think of a reason why I would do this to myself. I want to be happy, and I would love to live a long happy healthy life. I have lost some very special people in my life due to cancer, and other serious diseases and I'm wondering if that's why I've become so obsessed.

It's interesting too because when I read about lymphoma I didnt have or feel like "swollen lymph nodes" ...but after it I do, but like I said I had 3 different docters at the ER examine me and they felt nothing.

So I can't tell if it really is something serious or if I'm just causing it myself. I'm the type of person where if you tell me you have a stomach ache - 10 minutes later I'll have one.

All in all Im just a mess I think about this everyday. Like I said though I was examined and had blood tests 3 weeks ago and they sent me home said I was "healthy as an ox".
It's just SO frusterating not knowing whats wrong with me.
As of now my only symptoms are itchy all over, I didn't associate that with lymphoma of course until I read that it was a symptom of lymphoma and now I'm freaking out. But I have had no night sweats...no wieght loss - infact wieght gain. Besides that I am CONSTANTLY poking at my armpits-neck-collarbone-groin checking for lumps.



So heres a list of problems I go through in general.
-my skin gets really itchy out of no where
-sometimes i get like a really acidic spitup in my mouth - its like not vomit but it's "spitup"
-my breasts are really tender sometimes....I mean REALLY tender - hurts to touch.
-sometimes I feel like I have a lump in my throat like internal lump.
-aches and pains all over - sometimes on my upper arms/arm pits and my inner thighs.

I am 4'11 and 157 pounds. I have no lost wieght infact ive actually gained alot of wieght.


My Diet is sadly pretty much MCdonalds and pizza everyday because I cant afford groceries/kitchen equipment.
And I don't really exersice.

Oh, and I'm also probably the most stressed out person you will ever talk to


Ive spent so much money on all these tests I cant see a doctor for a long time now...I have no health insurance. Please give me you're honest opinion.

Last edited by Mandilynne; 09-20-2008 at 01:10 PM.

 
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Old 09-20-2008, 03:54 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada
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tetianainto HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Hi - I read your post and I feel for you. It sounds like you've got a bad case of hypochondria......I have gone through similar periods of obsessing about diseases and getting wierd symptoms (lymphoma, AIDS, cancer etc....).....in fact, stress and anxiety, which is what you are going through, can bring on all kinds of symptoms and freak you out even more.

Sounds like you are healthy based on all the tests.....take some comfort in that. Start eating better, more fruit and vegetables etc. and taking care of yourself.

I would also recommend going on an anti-anxiety medication. Just to stabilize yourself. Talk to your doctor. It has helped me enormously.

Check out the anxiety board as well. You will find other people who have similar problems and you can see what they are doing to get help.

I know how debilitating hypochondria is...It's like you are dying a 1000 deaths a day.....Please get some help.

all the best,

c

 
Old 09-21-2008, 02:37 AM   #3
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Mandilynne HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Okay so my question is, I have felt my ENTIRE body....no lumps..no swollen lymph nodes.... the only symptom I have is a wierd body rash that comes out of no where usually at night and goes away after like 10 mins..thats what got me so worried lately...I keep hearing thats a symptom of lymphoma. Am I just being paranoid?

 
Old 10-15-2008, 10:06 PM   #4
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mckeeckm123 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Well I can say try not to worry so much. Your diet is horrible. Buy some organic brown rice and keep this cooked and in your fridge at all times. That way you will have something healthy to eat when you get hungry. You can get a rice steamer and set the timer. Or read directions on the package and cook it in a regular pan. Then also try to drink Kefit (a cultured milk/yogurt product), and eat as much raw food as you can. this would be a good start. Then ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. You could get Lymphoma but then you'll still find a way to be okay. This helps me and I hope it can help you too.

 
Old 12-18-2008, 07:45 PM   #5
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: florida
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jhfreybaby HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

My honest opinion is that you are stressing yourself out for no reason. I have Leukemia and I am not stressed out about it. Just enjoy life and don't read anymore stuff on the net. If I read about every problem I have I would be dead. I have already had cervical cancer ten years ago and now i have Leukemia. I have a cyst in my skull, breast and now liver. But I am not going to make myself sick about it. You are young, enjoy life it is too short to waste worrying about something that you don't have. If you had any form of Leukemia, lymphoma it would have shown up in your tests. Like the one person said, I think anxiety medication would be good for you. Go to a psychologist and let them help you. There is nothing wrong with getting help. You can really make yourself sick just from worrying. You can get a rash from your nerves, an itchy red rash. Dry skin can cause your skin to itch all over. I can't say enough to you to not stress out. According to your tests you are healthy, be happy about that. There are some of us that are not as lucky as you to be so healthy. So don't worry be happy

 
Old 12-19-2008, 02:30 PM   #6
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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triplesix HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

ok first calm down. i know it can be scary. I too started in April with my symptoms. I wouldnt worry so much about your blood work. You will need to ask your doc for a biopsy. Its really the only way. I too have anxiety. My doc is finely going to send me to see a specialist. I hope i can get some answers. I too am scared. Thats coming from a 6'4" 300 pond tough as nails male. I had to insist to my doc to get this done. You need to tell your doc what you want done, this will give you your answer. If you have lymphoma it is very treatable just research it. I had to to calm myself. I hate waiting for my appoitment. I try to think positive. Thats what you need to do. I know this sounds stupid but i was relived to find someone with the same symptoms and to see you too have gone a very long time with no diagnosis. Good luck keep updating your post read what outher people on these boards have to say especialy the ones who already have Lymphoma.

 
Old 01-27-2009, 06:21 PM   #7
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hmp175 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

You sound exactly like me and I mean exactly. I have had symptom after symtom and went to the doctor to find nothing. I always think its cancer or something terrible that is going to kill me but everytime I see a doctor Im just fine or its something minor. I to have been worrying about lymphoma or cancer of some form because I have had swollen lymph nodes in my neck for months that are not getting any smaller and 3 days ago I felt a lump in my stomach and today I felt another one. I think they feel like lymph nodes but they are small and hard and feel as though they can be moved around. Every site I have researched on the net points swollen lymph nodes in the stomach to cancer. This does not help me who already makes myself crazy every day of my life due to the fear of dying prematurly and leaving behind my 3 yr old son. I feel terrible you have to feel what I feel everyday worrying about my health. I am 24 yrs old. I should not be so worried that every ailment is gonna kill me but I am. I get panick attacks its so bad.

As for the lumps in my stomach and swollen lymph nodes I have not yet went to the doc because I am to scared but I think tommorow I am going to make an apt. You are not alone.

Last edited by moderator2; 01-27-2009 at 08:34 PM. Reason: please read the posting rules

 
Old 02-05-2009, 02:58 PM   #8
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angel880 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

jhfraybaby, I loved your message of hope and just wanted to say you are an inspiration and I wish you all the best!

Last edited by angel880; 02-05-2009 at 03:12 PM.

 
Old 02-05-2009, 03:11 PM   #9
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angel880 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Ok, so I was searching around for a friend and came across your post. I can say that that I also have probs with anxiety. But about a year ago I started having alot of back, neck and leg pain. I started to Panic! I was having blurred vision, headaches, muscle spasms, shaking, shortness of breath, chest pain etc (went to er twice thought I was having a heart attack some xanax relieved my "heart attack" LOL) But after a bunch of tests found out I have 3 herniated discs...the rest was ANXIETY. It really can mess with you and give you a ton of symptoms and it is SCARY you think you are dying because you can't breath, think, talk etc but I have been taking Xanax as needed (only when I really am feeling anxious but there are other meds that are more everyday). You may have something wrong but the symptoms that I mentioned are probably just anxiety. Talk to your doc and I wish you all the best. Try and think positive and find something that helps you relax...for me that is a bubble bath..when I start to feel chest pain, or blurred vision I take a nice calm bath and relax..it really has been a good coping skill for me..hope you find yours -Jen

 
Old 05-16-2009, 06:23 PM   #10
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ellenmarie60 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Hello ,I have swollen lymph gland deep in my neck that is uncomfortable which is why i knew there is a problem. I first contacted my Dr in sept its a slow process be patiant. everything has came back negative but they will remove it soon, its not super painfull but its uncomfortable. My mother had terminal cancer in her lymph nodes which was an added reason for me to panic , but so far so good. it will be a closed book for me when it is taken out and examined and clean of lymphoma.
Im not paniky anymore

 
Old 05-21-2009, 03:20 PM   #11
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lizyjohnson HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Hello,

I am the same person as you are. Recently having itching on my face, neck, head and the hands. Doctors said it as sun allergy, but I am not exposed to any sunlight for days but still it is there. Now I have noticed slightly enlarged left lymph node under my jaw and pain all over the left neck and in my left throat. Sometimes feeling difficulty in breathing as if my throat is swollen inside. But now I am tired of being frightened of Cancer and I left all of my health anxieties to my God who can heal me inside out. Now I feel comfort and I wish you can trust in God and find the same peace and happiness. I believe without Him knowing I will not loose a single hair from my head. Inspite of being itchy, I feel I am so happy and all the burden rolled away from my shoulders.
Analysing myself, I realised that I am so watchful of my health to be very brilliant to catch them at the very beginning. But unfortunately, I know doctors who are cancer specialists died of same cancer and they couldn't diagnose their symptoms. So I stopped acting like smart and put all my burdens on my dear God who cares for me and kept a humble request before Him that not to allow Cancer to any of my loved ones including myself. I believe in Him for that. Doctors are just instruments in His hands. So trust in Lord and feel great. No more worries...think largely..think about the millions who have no hospital facilities and still not having big diseases...
Inspite of all our safety and healthy measures, things can go wrong. If we stop caring for ourselves and trust in God, He can do miracles....

Best of Luck

 
Old 05-21-2009, 03:25 PM   #12
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lizyjohnson HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Hello,

I am the same person as you are. Recently having itching on my face, neck, head and the hands. Doctors said it as sun allergy, but I am not exposed to any sunlight for days but still it is there. Now I have noticed slightly enlarged left lymph node under my jaw and pain all over the left neck and in my left throat. Sometimes feeling difficulty in breathing as if my throat is swollen inside. But now I am tired of being frightened of Cancer and I left all of my health anxieties to my God who can heal me inside out. Now I feel comfort and I wish you can trust in God and find the same peace and happiness. I believe without Him knowing I will not loose a single hair from my head. Inspite of being itchy, I feel I am so happy and all the burden rolled away from my shoulders.
Analysing myself, I realised that I am so watchful of my health to be very brilliant to catch them at the very beginning. But unfortunately, I know doctors who are cancer specialists died of same cancer and they couldn't diagnose their symptoms. So I stopped acting like smart and put all my burdens on my dear God who cares for me and kept a humble request before Him that not to allow Cancer to any of my loved ones including myself. I believe in Him for that. Doctors are just instruments in His hands. So trust in Lord and feel great. No more worries...think largely..think about the millions who have no hospital facilities and still not having big diseases...
Inspite of all our safety and healthy measures, things can go wrong. If we stop caring for ourselves and trust in God, He can do miracles....

Best of Luck

 
Old 05-21-2009, 04:37 PM   #13
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IDontUnderstand HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

I cant get over how much you are like me! I am a constant state of mind that I have cancer. My most recent LYMPHOMA. You should read my post on the anxiety board. I think you are fine. I wish I could take those words to heart for myself but as a hypo I cant. But if you have had those many tests I do believe you are ok.

 
Old 05-24-2009, 05:06 AM   #14
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vh90453 HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

Oh dear you are sick, you have the same debilitating disease I have. It's called Health Anxiety and it's so debilitating and awful. The first thing you absolutely have to do is not Google symptoms or diseases, this is an absolute must if you are going to get better. I think I have had (not) just about every disease known to man. My fears manifest themselves in the most amazing symptoms. The symptoms are very real to me as they are to you. My poor Doctor must dread me walking through the door. Fortunately he's very patient and understanding and sends me for the tests I need for my own peace of mind. I remember one time I was convinced I was pregnant, which was impossible, I could feel the baby moving, it was so real. The only thing that would convince me I wasn't was a pregnancy test. I could reel off lists of similar experiences. I'm really good at the moment, thanks to my Doctor. The first thing is, you must NEVER google. I know it's like an obsession but you really just can not do it. The next thing is to try medication, along with counseling. I saw several Psychologists who used different methods that did nothing but then I saw one who uses a method where he teaches you to be mindful. I was very sceptical at first but it really works. It takes time and hard work but believe me it's truly worth it. I'm now off medication and feel absolutely normal. Now when I get symptoms I react like "normal" people do and don't automatically think I have some horrible life threatening disease. I really do hope you will sort out help as I know living the way you are at present is not living.

 
Old 11-10-2009, 02:48 PM   #15
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destiny dawn HB Userdestiny dawn HB User
Re: Please read this, I don't know what to do..

I feel so much for you. I have all the same problems, also since april of last year. your post is parallel to my experience, right down to the itchy bumps on my face and head. The only difference is, I have a tumor in my leg that is being biopsied next month to rule out lymphoma or metastatic cancer. Now I keep obsessing that I definitely without a doubt have cancer, and that my other symptoms mean it is in my lungs, my bones, my spine...
I can't escape my fear of being terminally ill and I have bothered so many doctors. yet I have never been tested except for blood tests.
i am suffering right there along with you and the thought of someone else feeling as fearful every single day of their lives as i do seems impossible to me. i am glad i found your post because you are the first person who has straight out made me feel like i'm not alone.
i'm 23. it started last april with a panic attack (dizzy, tingling limbs, heart racing) then for the next few weeks it was chest pain. then muscle pain, lung pain, headaches, sensations (cold running down my head, lightening in my arms and legs), then it was allergic reactions to nickel on my jean buttons, then it was the bumpy face rash, then it was swollen lymph nodes, cervical 'pre'cancer, low blood pressure, heart THUDS.
i might have one days in a two month perios where i actually DO my chores and visit a friends and carry on through the day as if i were normal, but for the most part, i resort to internet threads, emergency rooms, walk-in clinics, my bed, or notepads... trying to figure out what is going on, how to fix it, where to turn.
I did read a few books though that at least helped me to believe it was all in my head. one of those books was
"who switched off my brain" by caroline leaf, and the other was "buddhism: it's not what you think" by steve hagen. it's not about buddhism, it's about seeing the truth in every moment and not using belief or opinion to form our reality. they are both very helpful books and the only thing i have found to make sense of what i am going through.
I truly wish you the best of luck and the brightest future.
-destiny

 
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