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Old 07-24-2004, 07:38 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: US
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cloverberry HB User
A Strange Lady

Even though this lady is residing in my house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be alert!

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house.

I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasnít there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This very rude!

I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I donít want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the atm and withdraw $100, and a few days later, itís all gone!

I certainly donít spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. Youíd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isnít the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rateĖ especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but sheíd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when Iím not home and altering my clothes so they donít fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I canít find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I canít read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things- - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldnít get any meaner, she proved me wrong.

She came along when I went to get my driverís license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where you live.

 
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Old 07-24-2004, 08:05 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 2,124
ainfante HB Userainfante HB Userainfante HB User
Re: A Strange Lady

Quote:
Originally Posted by cloverberry
Even though this lady is residing in my house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be alert!

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house.

I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasnít there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This very rude!

I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I donít want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the atm and withdraw $100, and a few days later, itís all gone!

I certainly donít spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. Youíd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isnít the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rateĖ especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but sheíd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when Iím not home and altering my clothes so they donít fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I canít find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I canít read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things- - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldnít get any meaner, she proved me wrong.

She came along when I went to get my driverís license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where you live.
LOL I think she knows where all women live when they reach perimenopause and menopause. This was so cute. What a writer you are.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 12:47 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 411
jacqbu HB User
Re: A Strange Lady

You gave me a laugh. That is cute. Good job I will have to print it and share it with others.

 
Old 07-28-2004, 07:36 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 46
rosyposy HB User
Re: A Strange Lady

absolutely brilliant clover. what a gifted writer you are. i so enjoyed reading your post. how very timely it was too, i was still feeling a little shock at who i had seen in my own bathroom mirror today. thank goodness it was just some old hag playing tricks on me.
thanks for the laugh.

 
Old 07-28-2004, 11:39 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 2,124
ainfante HB Userainfante HB Userainfante HB User
Re: A Strange Lady

Hi Cloverberry. You should publish this article you wrote. My, my, my, it is truly gifted.

Andrea

 
Old 07-28-2004, 12:37 PM   #6
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: US
Posts: 406
cloverberry HB User
Re: A Strange Lady

I didn't write this. Someone sent it to me and I kept it. It gave me a good laugh when I started menopause. A laugh I needed.

 
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