I have gone to the doctor and have had the blood tests done.
I take evening primrose, black cohash, vitamins with the B's, I use progesterone cream and I still feel like crap.
The doctor told me to keep doing what I am doing. Well, I don't feel like what I am doing is working anymore.
Part of the problem with being peri is that some people in my house like to blame everything in the relationship on me being perimenopausal. It takes any fault off from him. That adds so much more stress because I feel like I have to hold so much of what I feel inside.
I have a person who doesn't like to accept responsibility for his wrong doings. I have spend years of listening to his negativeness and right now his negativeness seems amplified. His parents come over and he is full of conversation. They leave, he grabs something to eat and sits in front of the TV or the computer. When he wants sex he expects me to just turn on like a light bulb! I have tried talking to him about this calmly to no avail.
Has anyone tried a compounding pharmasist to get the right doses and mixture of things?
Frustrated
You can't expect hormonal cremes and herbal suppliments to fix everything. To me, it sound like you are also missing companionship and romance. I bet if the romance came back so would your libido.
Try setting up a "date" night once a week. Stick to it no matter what. This has helped for us. Get back to your "roots" as a couple. Go for dinner, have a few drinks and flirt. Get a hotel room and get loose. Sex is always better and hotter when your away from home.
I also, have been supplimenting with natural progesterone creme for my lack of sex drive (besides other things). It's helped so much!
I take Emerita's Pro-Gest. Not sure which over the counter one you use but this paricular creme has shown to work, and there is a study that was recently done to prove it. Should you want more info on this study, let me know and I can give you more info on where to go to see for yourself.
Finding a MD who can help and that can give you a prescription through a componding pharmacy is hard to find. Good luck! I'm actually seriously considering doing an on-line consultation with Dr. Erika Schwartz. She's written books on hormonal balance and from what I can see, she could help me finally do this with supervision. She also has a web site. If you want that, let me know.
Thank you for writing. I would like to know more about the cream that you are using if you don't mind sharing. It may be that the one I use is not enough, or that I am not using enough also.
My doctor said she uses a compounding pharmacy in another state. She said it may be expensive, but I want to feel better.
I know that many things factor in. The romance, partnership, even friendship. Or lack of.
Just need to work on it all. I can't do it alone though. I have tried some of the things you have suggested. We have several children so we have not been able to spend money on dates or motels. I have left notes in his pockets or on his pillow etc. I have done other things through out the years. Just isn't there for me right now.
Other things are more important to him right now. I know he also has stresses of his own.
Thanks again. If you have information that you can send me to read I would love it!
Thanks,
Mtngrl
Thank you for sharing the Dr. Erika site. Her articles were very informative. I wish I lived in New York so I would have access to a doctor who is up on women's hormonal problems. If you do the on line consultation, let us know how it went!
I have to inject here. No amount of natural homones will help your desire with your mate come back if you are angry or in an unhappy relationship. I have been there and done that. I take natural progesterone cream for several years now and do several alternatives therapies for the peri- craziness. I know that a lot of my lack of desire comes from peri-menopause but also from my angry feelings at my mate. That needs to be resolved as well. Read Dr. Christine Northrup's Book on Menopause- it is very informative and she talks about this. She wound up divorcing her husband during this time of her life and she addresses lack of sex drive. If you need the name of the book let me know- I can't think of it at the moment.
There's study evidence that many of us peri & menopausal types are low in manganese, which is essential in sex hormone formation. Mtngrl, you might wanna explore a manganese supplement.
<We now return you to your regularly scheduled commiseration>
LOL
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203/146/150 on the Fat Flush Plan for life
51, menopausal and perky. Veddy VEDDY perky!
The one thing I found brings back my libido is the natural progesterone creme and of course multi-vitamin, cause the better you feel, the better is your mood for love. But the biggest problem in perimenopause is the decreasing hormone, testerone which assists our sexuality. The other thing in menopause, is the vaginal dryness.
For me, it was divorce and a new boyfriend. But seriously, my ex sounds exactly like your husband, only worse. He was very selfish, everything was my fault, he was always angry, and he also blamed everything on the perimenopause. He would not accept responsibility for anything. You have to give serious thought as to whether your relationship can be salvaged. Life is way too short to spend with someone who is miserable. I am now with someone who is completely opposite, has a sense of humour and loves me. It was very hard, but I have never regreted it once. Good luck.
So what came first the chiken or the egg? Perimenopause sure does affect out sex drives- no doubt about it, but a unhappy relationship does the same and how do you know the difference when you are in the heart of hormonal changes?
Really check out what's happening to your body and your personal life. Your decription does not sound like someone who is not too happy or feels supported in your relationship. You got to be real with yourself. Only you knows the truth.
I know that my hormones are all screwed up and effect my sexuality. I also know I have issues with my mate and that overrides my sexuality with him at times, not the hormone imbalance. If you get regulated do not be surprised if your lack of desire continues with your mate. This is a time for us women to really face our own truths and let go of pre-conceived notions and fears of being alone ( and that is so scary I know). You can take progesterone cream and you may even feel sexual again but is that what you want with your mate or do you really want a nurturing and loving relationship?
For me, it was divorce and a new boyfriend. But seriously, my ex sounds exactly like your husband, only worse. He was very selfish, everything was my fault, he was always angry, and he also blamed everything on the perimenopause. He would not accept responsibility for anything. You have to give serious thought as to whether your relationship can be salvaged. Life is way too short to spend with someone who is miserable. I am now with someone who is completely opposite, has a sense of humour and loves me. It was very hard, but I have never regreted it once. Good luck.
LOL good for you. This works for me too. I did the same thing and boy do I feel like I have the best sexual libido around, not to mention the progesterone creme does give it a bit of a kick in the.....
Know what? I know that you are all right.
However, I was feeling better after I was using the progest. cream and taking some supplements. Then my feelings changed again.
I have read on this board from people who have said sex is more than just something that they are not interested in. Some of the peri symtems have been an almost discust with it all.
I know that there is more to my situation than the peri.
Besides things I have had to deal with in my life growing up and a mother in law who managed to be clever through out our marriage, I really do feel that this step in my female life is having an affect also.
He must be going through his own changes also. I know his job is stressful. I have told our kids that he was not like this when we met and were married for a while. He was a very good listener, and we never ran out of things to talk about. He use to be a positive person. I feel his job has had a lot to do with the attitude. That can't be his excuse though. I was told some time ago, "Who is going to want to take on a woman who has several kids?" Something I have just never forgotten. I do know that some positive attention would help a lot too. Oh well, I am going to keep keeping on.
Thanks for all of the responses. Keep em coming!
I was reading all the posts. I so identify with what you are saying. I have been so afraid over the years to really do something about my relationship. You see I never felt I was worthy of one of the great guys. I think its from childhood issues. I couldn't see inflicting my personality on someone with a good personality as he would get tired of me. I knew it would never work out. I married my husband feeling it would be ok since he has his own issues. I didn't consciencely at the time think it. Figured it out over the years. Life has been walking on egg shells and wondering what will happen next. I am now disabled and no that I have no options left. I wish I could have stepped out before now. I really needed help because I couldn't work and support myself and our children. He is more mellow and not as unpredictable. I feel anger at him even so. Never any discussion about his actions. He needs a libido adjustment of his own. Of course that isn't discussed because it would mean his feelings would be hurt. I don't understand how you can know things aren't as they should be and to keep saying all is normal for the sake of kidding yourself that there is nothing wrong. I am happy for those of you that were able to step out and take a chance to change your life. It a little to late for me for whatever the reason. I think my husband is a good person and he could have married someone more suited for him. I hate to think he was married to me and I didn't admire and respect him in away he deseved. Its not that I am better than him I just think someone else could have brought out the better in him. Linda
I don't understand how you can know things aren't as they should be and to keep saying all is normal for the sake of kidding yourself that there is nothing wrong. I am happy for those of you that were able to step out and take a chance to change your life. It a little to late for me for whatever the reason. Quote
Speaking for myself, I stay because I am committed. I stay because I want back what we had. I keep feeling as though we can get that back. The problem is that I can't do it by myself. Now, a well known Dr. P speaks of the differences of men and women. I see what he means by the things he says about the two, but I get frustrated because I want my hsd to see that we could have everything back if he would put an effort into it.
I had worked early in the marriage and then have been a "stay at home mom" once the kids were born. We decided that would be best for the kids. I still feel that it was in most ways. I haven't worked outside this place for years. I have lost confidence I guess.
Mtngrl
It was bad enough dealing with PMS. Now to have to deal with what feels like constant PMS!
I don't understand how you can know things aren't as they should be and to keep saying all is normal for the sake of kidding yourself that there is nothing wrong. I am happy for those of you that were able to step out and take a chance to change your life. It a little to late for me for whatever the reason. Quote
Speaking for myself, I stay because I am committed. I stay because I want back what we had. I keep feeling as though we can get that back. The problem is that I can't do it by myself. Now, a well known Dr. P speaks of the differences of men and women. I see what he means by the things he says about the two, but I get frustrated because I want my hsd to see that we could have everything back if he would put an effort into it.
I had worked early in the marriage and then have been a "stay at home mom" once the kids were born. We decided that would be best for the kids. I still feel that it was in most ways. I haven't worked outside this place for years. I have lost confidence I guess.
Mtngrl
It was bad enough dealing with PMS. Now to have to deal with what feels like constant PMS!
I know how you feel, really I do. And even though I use the progesterone creme and found a somewhat new life, and sometimes I wonder if that really is the answer cause that's always not where I want to be either. I just can't seem to get a grip on the perimenopause either and just wanted you to know you weren't alone, also good for you for wanting to stick your marriage out. I left my fiance cause he was abusive. So my story is different. Anyways, try not to pressure yourself too much about your sex life and try to let the mood come natural. If you worry too much about it, it will freeze you up. Try to concentrate on the memories of this loving and romantic marriage you have and see if that can't spark something between mind and body. IN the meantime, my gyne said that if you lack sex and are beginning to feel dry, then it's the testerone. Maybe you want to check this out with your gyne, feel free to speak to her/him and if he/she doesnt' understand, well get another gyne. They can give you something for the testerone if it is low.
I know how you feel, really I do. And even though I use the progesterone creme and found a somewhat new life, and sometimes I wonder if that really is the answer cause that's always not where I want to be either. I just can't seem to get a grip on the perimenopause either and just wanted you to know you weren't alone, also good for you for wanting to stick your marriage out. I left my fiance cause he was abusive. So my story is different. Anyways, try not to pressure yourself too much about your sex life and try to let the mood come natural. If you worry too much about it, it will freeze you up. Try to concentrate on the memories of this loving and romantic marriage you have and see if that can't spark something between mind and body. IN the meantime, my gyne said that if you lack sex and are beginning to feel dry, then it's the testerone. Maybe you want to check this out with your gyne, feel free to speak to her/him and if he/she doesnt' understand, well get another gyne. They can give you something for the testerone if it is low.
Andrea
Thank you Andrea,
I don't know if he going through his change in life. More than likely he is. I can't ask him a question about much of anything without him ignoring me or mocking me. I have tried for too many years to work on us.
I will work on only myself now. That is all I can handle at the moment.
I lost my mom unexpectedly two and a half years ago. I got more depressed after losing her than I thought I could be and I gained 20 more pounds! I don't like myself much right now. Being able to at least work on changing what I can with the different vitamins and other things, I feel I haven't lost all control yet.
Most doctors do not know much about hormones.
See a specialist, an Endocrinologist will test you for your male/female hormones.
Women need some testosterone for sex drive. They usually have it naturally when they are young & physically active, workouts, & sports. As they get older nature tries to keep them from straying & reduces the testosterone levels & increases the estrogen levels.
Some women take testosterone suppliments prescribed by the endo to increase their sex drive.
You also seem to have another problem, your "partner".
Stick to it no matter what. This has helped for us. Get back to your "roots" as a couple. Go for dinner, have a few drinks and flirt. Get a hotel room and get loose. Sex is always better and hotter when your away from home. 
