Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Hi
I am new to this menopause board. I have been reading this board for about a week and now I am seeing that I am not the only person going thru all of these symptons. I am 50 yrs old and I just feel awful, I think that I have all of the symptons listed.
I asked my mother how was menopause for her and she told me that she didn't have any symptons, she had no problems at all. But I always heard that the daughter's menopause and mother's menopause experience would be similar. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to my mother about how it was for her and it should be the same for me. But so far my experience isn't anything like hers. Has anyone else heard about this?
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
My mother is from the old school who believe that women should just suffer silently.
This is a sore subject for me because of the horrendous symptoms that I have experienced during this "season" in my life; It's sad to think that my mother did not warn me of these days. Matter of fact it was my dad who told me that she'd gone through menopause. When I told my dad that I was going through perimenopause he stated that he hoped it wasn't as bad as my mother's. My mother did say that she went through menopause between the age of 43-45 (after I inquired).
My sister an I have made it a point to discuss every ache, pain, panic attack, cure and possible cure with our daughters. Hopefully, they will be spared the many symptoms of perimenopause and menopause (isn't it mind boggling to know that some women are totally symptom free during this time in their lives??????????). I've even started a journal that I'm passing down to my daughter so that she will be prepared and not feel alone and clueless.
As usual I've totally strayed from the subject. Hope this information will be helpful to someone.
Last edited by Hopefully; 06-15-2005 at 05:19 PM.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hopefully For This Useful Post: dmommy (09-11-2012), topcee (04-14-2012)
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
My mother should be named Cleopatra..she is truly the queen of denial! She tells me and everyone else that she zipped through menopause and only realised it had happened when she came to the realization one day that she hadn't had a period in months.
The reality...my mother went totally wacko. Moved to another state. Went off on various members of the family and stayed out of touch with them for a year. She was having terrible bowel problems and emotional issues.
Isn't it a shame that our mothers couldn't prepare us for this and have a bit of sympathy for what we are going through.
Thank heavens for this board!
The Following User Says Thank You to anita4pets For This Useful Post: Nessy21 (08-01-2012)
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
My mother never talked to me about her menopause experience. I just asked her about it recently. Thats when she told me that she did not have symptons and didn't know what was going on until she start missing her periods. It is something how some women are sympton free. I always tried to eat right and take care of myself and I thought that even doing this all of my life, I would have an easy menopause experience like my mother. I always had easy periods every month, no cramps, no heavy bloating, etc.
I am also thankful for this board.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Our mothers were not educated on all of the symptoms caused by menopause like we are. (Thanks to a few good books) They only associated menopause with no periods, hot flashes and hair growing on their chins. They probably didn't know anything about estrogen, and progesterone imbalances. Meanwhile they were going emotionally wacko, having anxiety attacks, bowel problems, hair loss, etc and never realized that it could be due to menopause.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
I agree with hopefully and belle...my mom never talked too much about it and I do think thats because they just didn't discuss it, and weren't taught that it could manifest in many many different ways other than hot flashes and chin hair, etc. My mom is 81 now, and shes very sympathetic to my woes, but still is of the mind set of "maybe if you got up and did something, went and volunteered, you'd feel better...". LOL I think that was their generations way, just get up and get on with life and you'll feel better eventually. She did confide in me that when she was in her late 40's that she just felt worthless like she wasn't a good wife and not a good mom, that maybe someone else would be better for my dad and I...so I'm thinking that was a BIG peri symptom but to her it was just a phase. Her way to handle everything is prayer, bless her heart. She hasn't been to a doctor in probably 18 years. She just prays and goes on with life She did have her ovaries removed at about the same time and when I asked her why, she said actually the doctor never really told her a cause, just that they needed to come out. AAARRRrrrrggghhh!!! That would have been about 1968 or so. She now has the hump from osteo and trouble getting around...its such a shame that she wasn't told what she could do to prevent that or educated about anything. They just trusted the doctors.
So, with what I have to go on, my peri is MUCH worse than hers....but who knows?
Anyway, that's my 2 cents
Conni
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
I asked my mother ( who is now deceased) how old she was when she started menopause. She said that she never went through menopause because she didn't have the time. However, my father said that she turned crazy around the age of 50 or around that time. Who knows. I wonder why they didn't talk about it.
I am 57 and have not had a period for 1 and a half years. I started having symptoms around the age of 54. So I guess that is right in line.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Hi,
My mother is now deceased also but I have asked my aunts, older cousins etc. and they told me the symptoms she had and what they went thru. My symtpoms are nothing like my mothers so far. For one my mother had fibroids and her main problem was heavy bleeding due to that and also she had hot flashes . I do remember this vaguely (I was a teen at the time and of course was only into myself and didn't have a care in the world!! ) I just turned 50 and my periods are not and have never been heavy and if anything in peri my periods have been very light in duration, 3 days tops. I have never had a hot flash that was of any significance. A few of my friends have said the same thing : that what they are going thru is very different than their mom's experience. So I don't really believe that what our mother's go thru we will. Or at least that has not been my experience.
I do agree with the other posters that it just was not talked about then and when you did hear about the "change" you heard about hot flashes mostly. I think this is a big disservice to our generation as the hot flashes are the least of it. Not to diminish those as I have friends who have a terrible time with them and I know they can be terrible...but what I mean is, it is only one of a multitude of symptoms. I just think it was not discussed or people just felt that aches and pains they were having was just "getting older" and they suffered through it without talking about it. I am glad we all do not do that as I think it helps to get support and not feel alone thru all this.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
I originally found this site seeking information/relief for my mother who has been going thru menopause for 10+ years...and probably perio-meno for another 4-5 years before that. She doesn't like to "talk" about it but finally understood that I wanted to help...and to keep this from being the continuing issue it is between her & my Dad. (She won't 'fess up to the Dr. so how can she get help?! )
Much to my surprise I found out that all the symptoms I have can be attributed to perio-meno, after long sessions of testing with a rheumatologist, neurologist, nutritionist, OBGYN, general practitioner, etc.
Knowing what I do now, I recognize that my Mom was in perio for quite a while. As she is still struggling, I don't expect to have an easy time of it. On the other hand, my sister has NO perio symptoms and she's 2 years older than I am (38).
This site is such a lifesaver for me...I have nightsweats/hotflashes & insomnia/nightterrors under control at the moment. I'm still seeking helpful solutions (for me) for the emotional issues but have worked my way out of the depressive state I WAS in.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Conni (1Awesomegranny) you are right about our mother's generation believing that "work" was the cure to alllllllllll ailments. I remember when I started having panic attacks, I was home raising my youngest child at that time, and my mother in law continuously kept locating jobs in the newspaper for me. She felt that a job would cure my panic attacks. Shortly afterward the doctor diagnosed me with IBS.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Hopefully...I had to chuckle at your post, not because of your problems, but because at least once a week my mom is telling me to "go to the hospital over by you and volunteer....join some of the singles groups at church, just get out more!...etc" I already have a job (thank God or that I'm sure would be on her list too). I know she means well and I just agree with her and I know she advises me out of love and concern. A thought came to me also...I remember many many times growing up these two phrases..."Idle minds are the devils workshop" and "Busy hands are happy hands!" It's just common to their generation I think that they have that outlook. I also remember many times being told "just go to school, you'll feel better" when I had a cold or cramps or some minor ailment. But sometimes, when I'm just a "little" symptomatic, getting busy and getting my mind off it helps for a while, so who knows? LOL Maybe your IBS flared up because your MIL was stressing you about getting a job!!! LOL Oh my, they mean well. My mom's new thing is getting me a man...now that I've been divorced for a while she's been praying that maybe God will send a good one my way....I told her I didn't think God appreciated those kinds of prayer...LOL I'm just thankful she's not ambulatory enough to get on the bus and go hunt one up for me!!! Holy Moly!!!
Have a great day!
Conni
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Conni your post has me chuckling....Does your mom know how to "order" you a man via the internet LOL? For your sake I hope she doesn't I know people who have met and married their cyber sweethearts! Shhhhhh....don't tell your mom what I just said.
Yes, that generation really believe that hard work cures everything from ingrown toe nails to arthritis. Although trying to stay busy does keep you a bit distracted, but it's quite difficult to take your mind off mood swings, anxiety, and panic attacks by working or volunteering your time.
I know that the women from that generation must have spoken to each other about the woes of perimenopause and menopause (listed under the general heading of female problems) because of some of the "old wives" remedies that have been suggested (various teas, soaking in epsom salt, heating pads, hot water bottles, wearing more clothes, soups etcs.). I remember being told that having a baby would eliminate menstrual cramps......now that little tibbit must have come from a man?
Thank God for the internet and this board with all the wonderful women who take time to encourage and support one another. We don't have to suffer silently or drown our woes in work.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
If I asked my mother probably wouldn't admit that she ever went through menopause I remember when she went through menopause she got such a big belly on her and I've gotten real fat even though I haven't been eating all that much more. Now it seems like I'm losing some. If you can find a friend or co worker to talk to if your mother won't talk about it. If you can find an older person who went through it already try to talk to her.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Hopefully...I was just thinking how LUCKY I was that my mom isn't computer savvy....oh holy terrors!!! She'd be on there on every site finding me a man, they'd be calling my house and standing at my door and emailing me....and I can see her sweet innocent face right now..."what? what did I do?"....aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! And I agree about the "female" discussions, I think one of my first bouts of cramps was helped by a hot water bottle so they did discuss and they did their best with the knowledge they had, far be it from a doctor back then actually explaining anything to them, cause you know in their eyes the dumb ol women probably wouldn't understand anyway, poor things....just like with my mom's surgery, I truly don't think the doctor told her why, she just trusted him. Yuk Like you said, thank God for these boards and any other place that women can go to educate themselves and share experiences.
Cloverberry...I too have a big ol fat tummy...I'm prone to carry weight in the middle anyway but the last year has piled a good 15 lbs on and mostly in my middle, **** I look like a budda woman!!! I too am not eating more, guess its time to up the exercise and take stock of what I am eating and make sure I get more fruits and veggies instead of pepsi and chocolate...<sigh>
Have a good day y'all!!!
Conni
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
I have a lot of weight in the middle too. I carrying more weight there, than any other place on my body. I had said that I will have to start doing some stomach crunches and eating right.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Oh wow reading all these posts on this thread is great. Our mothers....where to start with them? I am 54 now, and my mom (who lives with us and is disabled (deaf for life) and now almost blind. Mother is almost 87 and still calls periods "boom time" hahah
She NEVER HEARD of menopause, and did not wish to wait for it, what ever it was, and ended up with a hysterectomy at age 42 due to fibroids (not even large ones, nor ones that interfered with her life) not like we have now a days when almost all of us at one time or another have had this happen.
I was only 12 when this happend and my mother became a horrid person after the surgery until she recovered. Since i had no clue, and she did not explain, only I was to look after her, make lunches and stuff and had no idea about surgery on the tummy and what NOT to feed patients who would get horrid gas pains....it was terrible for me.
When I was 45 she once asked me why I was STILL having periods surely I was too old? then when I actually went into perimenopause, and began the symptoms (no meds my choice) I tried to explain to her) to no avail I might add. Now in menopause (no periods for 4 years cept for a small trouble last spring ending with a D & C) the symptoms are increasing in the severeity..... Her reason for being thrilled at hysterectomy was due to NO PERIODS and she did not understand it at all. The absolute worse is Hot flashes, at night...... unreal...............but all this will one day pass, I have other health issues to contend with now, which keep my mind occupied.
Mom was left with her ovaries, thus never needed HRT. Now she wonders what her ovaries are doing are they floating around inside? I tried to explain about shrivelling up, being re absorbed into her body, what ever it took, yet she still says she feels them. OH ME OH MY.
Oh well.
We women now a days need each other in a strong way. I think the idea of you keeping a journal is great..... it will help your daughter, and not give her the idea (if she has a hard time) that she is a whoose & wimp cos Mom was fine and dandy...... Great Idea.
My daughter is 25 and we are going through this together...... she gives me hand holds, hugs and kisses, and I am blessed with a terrific husband as well. But then I did not turn into some old harridan haha
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
[QUOTE=1awesomegranny]Hopefully...I was just thinking how LUCKY I was that my mom isn't computer savvy....oh holy terrors!!! She'd be on there on every site finding me a man, they'd be calling my house and standing at my door and emailing me....and I can see her sweet innocent face right now..."what? what did I do?"....aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!
my mother would be the same way only she'd be looking for a rich man for me. Then she'd have to sleep on my doorstep to shoo the poor guys away.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
I just have a question... I am 32, and my mom went thru menopause at 40! Does this mean that I will go thru it at the same time? I need to know so that I can tell the truth to my boyfriend about what the future holds for him. Please help. Thanks.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
hi concerned
I can only go by what is with me, and my mom, and of friends in the same boat.
Our mothers (at least of my mom's age group) were a whole different woman than what we, their daughters are. Unless there is a physical reason for such EARLY menopause
Remember something called PERI-MENOPAUSE is diff than full menopause you know that. Menopause has to be something like a full solid 12 + months of NO absolutely NO period at all. If at the end of that time, you have a period it reverts back to the count. Peri-is what we go through up until the real menopause happens. Peri menopuase (with periods either full or scattered can and does last several years, there are tons of stuff one can do to help you feel better.
In my case at age 50 I ceased periods..... up to that point from I swear age 30 onward I was experiencing little bits of what was to come, But I had periods normal all that time.
It is unusual (and I hope not to get nasty notes) for a woman in good health to experience menopause at age 40 let alone 32 unless there is a underlying reason.... health, problems relating to the reproduction end of us. This is just my opinion.
My Mom had a full hysterectomy at age 42.... back then women had hysterectomies for other than serious life threatening reasons. (fibroids which we asll know now totally cease to enlarge once full menopause is reached. (no blood supply, the fibroids cannot grow) but if we have overly large fibroids which cause secondary underlying problems, then they are now removed but medical science has come a long long way since my mothers time in the early 60's.
I am turning now 55 (my orig post here was back in 2004) and I still have all my bits and pieces with me, and have had one post menopausal bleeding, which was cleared up by a D & C with hysteroscopy and all is well with that end of me! I am now into my 5th or 6th year minus period (cept for that post menopausal which MUST be checked out)
Sorry I cannot answer you properly, my belief is no unless it is a hereditary problem, which causes full menopause, you have many years left in you for what ever! women have babies at age 40 often now, way more than before. Peri-menopause is a long haul for us, but menopause is the end of it all for all the crap, (excpet I still have night sweats, but I think that is due to another problem I have) not related to periods or aging issues etc.
Re: Mother's menopause experience and daughter's same?
Quote:
Originally Posted by virtous
Hi
I am new to this menopause board. I have been reading this board for about a week and now I am seeing that I am not the only person going thru all of these symptons. I am 50 yrs old and I just feel awful, I think that I have all of the symptons listed.
I asked my mother how was menopause for her and she told me that she didn't have any symptons, she had no problems at all. But I always heard that the daughter's menopause and mother's menopause experience would be similar. Everyone keeps telling me to talk to my mother about how it was for her and it should be the same for me. But so far my experience isn't anything like hers. Has anyone else heard about this?
My mother went on birth control pills at age 39 (1965) to control abnormal uterine bleeding (soaking a pad every hour!). She stayed on those pills for about 10 years (age 49) then had an abnormal pap smear. She was treated for that but in the course of treatment they stopped the birth control pills and she went into a total crash!! According to her and I agree, she was a physical and mental wreck. That is one reason why I don't like the idea of birth control pills in general or hormone therapy. To go off birth control pills at the same time that your body is reducing production of same is awful!! Sooner or later you have to go off these meds if only for the fact that it is no longer trendy for doctors to prescribe them lifelong. She went on HRT about 12 years later by going to another doctor and lying about her medical history (stupid). 3 D&C's later, development of hypertension, and research reports about the dangers or HRT, doctor took her off again. Crash!!! again!! at age 75. She is now 79. Doctors keep pushing antidepressants but mom refuses to try them because she says she is not depressed.
I have never had abnormal uterine bleeding like my mother so birth control pills have never been offerred to me for anything. I am almost 50 now, still having periods; last month was a 26 day cycle. I believe my mother finally stopped having periods at about age 52, so I if this is an hereditary thing, I guess I got about 3 years to go. Ughhhhh!!!!! Based upon my mother's history though, no hormone therapy for me!!
She did have her ovaries removed at about the same time and when I asked her why, she said actually the doctor never really told her a cause, just that they needed to come out. AAARRRrrrrggghhh!!! That would have been about 1968 or so. She now has the hump from osteo and trouble getting around...its such a shame that she wasn't told what she could do to prevent that or educated about anything. They just trusted the doctors.
)
I remember when she went through menopause she got such a big belly on her and I've gotten real fat even though I haven't been eating all that much more. Now it seems like I'm losing some. If you can find a friend or co worker to talk to if your mother won't talk about it. If you can find an older person who went through it already try to talk to her.
