ANXIETY over getting a Colonoscopy and everything else it seems!! - Menopause Message Board

rmc12 · 03-25-2005, 10:14 AM

Hi,

Ok, as some of you know I am in the middle of a huge bout of peri ANXIETY at the moment. I know many of you have "been there" and "are there" and I thank you ahead of time for listening.

I am 50 soon to be 51 in April and as I mentioned in a post at some point I have not had a routine colonoscopy yet and they say one should get it at 50 and over. I am obsessing about this to the MAX and I know it is peri that is making me do it. But I cannot seem to help myself out of it!!

Last year when I went for my yearly physical , this first came up as the doctor just mentioned in passing , that "oh, you will be 50 this year so at some point schedule your colonoscopy." I panicked, even though I knew he was not saying it for any reason other than routine (he also at the same time said he'd write an order up for my husband too as he thought he was turning 50 , which he wasn't ...it is this year he turns 50 so I knew the dr. was just doing it routinely). ANYWAY...I did not get it done. I just was so stressed and also found out anyway that our insurance did not cover it till we were 55 if it was just for routine which it would be. So that was that and I figured I'd get it done then.

NOW....I found out this year our insurance as of this year is covering all routine procedures and that is included. I have been stressing terribly about this and wake up anxious about it almost every morning, try to get it out of my head, sometimes successfully but then it creeps up at some point at times.

I self talk to myself : "why are you getting all upset about something A LOT of people have not even done yet who are older than you and also A LOT of people have got it done and say it is not a big deal, the prep is the worse thing, etc. etc. I have people I know who are older than me that have never had it and are not at all stressing, so why am I??? " My husband just feels he'll get it done when he is 55 and is not the least bit worried about it. Two friends of mine , my age are getting it done this year and it is not a big stresser to either of them. A friend recently got it done for the 2nd time (she has a history in her family so had her first one in 1998) and has written me too that it is not a big deal. SO why am I so upset over this and keep in mind I have not even made the appt. yet!!

On one hand I was just going to not do it this year as I am so stressed with peri that I thought why add to it by stressing about this?? But since I can't seem to stop obsessing over it I am also thinking why not just get it over with. The place I'd go to has a consult first and then you make your appt for the exam, and I already cancelled once this month (the consult) and I could have had the consult and the exam done by now . I am making myself a wreck over something as I said that most people have had and say it is not a biggie, or people have not had yet, older than me, and they are not at all stressing over it.

What I stress over with it is : the exam itself, I know you are giving sedation of some sort but that in itself scares me. I had two teeth pulled as I had to have them out to be able to wear Invisalign braces , 2 years ago and I did not want to be out as many people opt for with that and wisdom teeth. Even years ago for my wisdom teeth I opted for not being "out". That really scares me. I know with my wisdom teeth they gave me something that just relaxed me, in my arm and I remembered little about it later. I would rather be aware but not feeling pain of course. And I hope it is a quick exam. I am also stressed about what they find and I am thinking that maybe that is why I am so obsessed with it : that something is wrong with me. I also am stressing something is going to happen to me with the sedation or the exam!! I know this is all ridiculous by the way as I am stressing!! It is like I have two people talking to me, the rational me and the irrational peri me.

I know this is largely due to my hormones bouncing all over but I am in such a state over it that I am near tears at times.

I am writing to vent but also want to know if any of you get upset about this particular exam and stress over it?? Also if any of you have had it and what you can tell me to hopefully ease my fears. I have a birthday coming up in 2 weeks, our 25th anniversary in the summer and my husband's 50th that I am excited to plan...I do not want this one routine exam to be occupying so much of my mind and not being able to be productive due to it and not able to enjoy things fully. My husband is very understanding and has said to either just try to forgot about it and not get it till I want to as it is just routine, or just get it over with and that everything is going to be alright. I know he is right but I can't seem to focus and am getting my whole system upset. (then of course I am thinking something is wrong when that happens!!)

I go for yearly mammograms and Paps and naturally get apprehensive about the outcome but I do it. I do not like to do the Pap as far as comfort lately as these past 2 years she has had to dilate my cervix (she said that in peri the opening to the cervix gets smaller, especially if one has not had children, which I haven't). So when she does that it is obviously not pleasant but I go. This test just scares me, the prep, the sedation, the exam process, etc.

SO, that is where I am today. We are having relatives here for Easter, arriving today and I am barely getting thru, at least not to where I usually am when we are having a celebration like this. I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other and do what I can. I just am so mad at myself that I have allowed this one "thought" of an exam I may or may not have this year, get me like this.

Do you sometimes feel like Peri anxiety is taking hold of your mind??

Thanks for your input as always.

rmc

jacqbu · 03-25-2005, 10:32 AM

I have done the same thing. When I was going through the period of having all these tests done I would almost stroke out. I never used to get so anxious about things. I have become a complete worrier. The thing is, usually when the test is over it wasn't that bad. Hang in there.

molly123 · 03-25-2005, 10:33 AM

Hi RMC,
Hey, OK, I'll make the decision for you...just b/c you are turning 50 doesn't mean you have to have done this year. So, DON'T have the colonoscopy until you are feeling better, less anxiety ridden, have your peri-meno symptoms under control, or when you are just better ready for it. Make that decision and forget about it! You are a responsible person and have always had other routine med checkups so we know that you're not going to not ever have it done - it just a matter of when you will. Right now, the time just isn't right for you!!

I had a colonscopy appt. scheduled the year I was 50 but it was scheduled at the time when I was going thru my bad peri-meno symptoms, incl. having peri-anxiety! I couldn't handle having to go thru it so I cancelled it. I was feeling so bad that I couldn't even get my teeth cleaned, get my haircut even and I didn't care either!

I will turn 52 next week (Aries!) and did just make a call to the dr. to have a colonscopy schedule some time in April - haven't heard back from the receptionist yet. Since my last post to you, I have decided to do it and get it over with. I keep thinking about it too but I know I should have it done and everyone tells me it isn't as big of a deal as you think it is. They say you end up falling asleep/knocked out from it anyway. I think it can't be worse than having a pap. See, I have problems going for the pap. I always get really scared, panicky, anxious over it. With me, it's very painful and invasive and embarrassing! I hate it! I never had kids so it's not that easy for me. So, I understand the extent as to how nervous you have been feeling!

So, what do ya say, RMC? You're going to have it done, but not right now, right?? You are going to have it done when you're ready for it and no one says you have to have it done this year just b/c you turn the big 5-0!! By the way, Happy Birthday! You must be an Aries too?

molly

rmc12 · 03-25-2005, 11:40 AM

Molly,

Thanks for your reply, I had tears in my eyes (So what else is new?!! LOL!! Seems like a routine thing for me lately!! ) reading it!! Yes, I am an Aries also(birthday is April 12th and will be turning 51 this year, last year was the big 50. But my husband and I make big events out of our birthday so i am looking forward to it as I am celebrating his 50th this year. When is your birthday in April, by the way?

You make great sense as always , that just because I am 50 and will be over 50 in April I do not have to have it immediately done this year. Your sharing with me that when you were at the height of your perianxiety you cancelled yours and also could not go to the dentist or get your haircut, points out again to me that it is peri that gets a hold of us of course. I just hope that if I do not get it this year that I do not always find myself in an anxiety ridden state about it when I do go to have it done. But from what you are saying you feel better equipped mentally and emotionally now to do so and did not 2 years ago. So that says a lot.

I understand fully your feelings about the Pap. Especially since I have not had children either it is something that I have never been relaxed about when they are doing it, especially the manual exam. And now that she has to dilate every time I go , it is painful and I do dread it. From what people tell me about the colonoscopy it probably takes less time than the Pap does!!

I think that the illiac crest area twinges that i know you are famliar with, get me thinking that something is wrong (haven't had them really much this week though) and then I do have some loose stool at times ...but nothing like runs or anything and the way I am working myself up I know that I probably am doing that to myself!! Then there is the gas that we all have talked about and I start thinking it has something to do with the colon...again do not have this all the time and I know it is something many of us deal with in peri. But while I am obsessing over the colonoscopy I do start thinking about it and worrying I am delaying it and shouldn't. I know our mind is very powerful that is for sure and mine is overactive at the moment.

Last year it took a good 3 months and a bit more for me to feel myself when the peri physical symptoms subsided and with it the anxiety. I hope I get to that point again!!

Thanks again for your post and for taking the time to talk to me as you do. I was reading some posts from earlier last year and I was in a state then too. Then I read posts I wrote from June on and I was so much better. I really hope that happens again!!

Thank you again Molly from one Aries to another!!

rmc

rmc12 · 03-25-2005, 11:45 AM

Jacbu,

Thanks for your post. I too never have got so anxious about things as I do now in peri. I hate it!!

Thanks for your input and you are right that the tests usually are not as bad as we are obsessing about but it is getting that mind to stop obsessing that is the hard thing!!

rmc