Losing my Husband - Menopause Message Board

Sleep to Dream · 07-03-2005, 12:18 PM

I had a really horrible week of cramping, moodiness, and crying. He understands what I'm going through, but says if I don't do something to "fix" my issues, he is going to leave, because he's fed up.

Isn't that wonderful? I can put up with his moods, but dang if I start going through something in my life that is scary,when I need him most.

I've printed out information for him to read. Hoping he would understand and be sympathetic. I think he is tired of this every month ordeal that seems to do nothing but give me one good week where I'm actually myself.

I'm going out today to get some more vitamins and I'm going to try some progesterone cream very lightly to see if it helps my moods.

Everything seems so hopeless. If it wasn't for my daughters, I don't think I'd care to go on another day. I'm sorry for venting.

kittenlover · 07-03-2005, 12:45 PM

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Is his behavior change recent? Sometimes men bottle up feelings they've had for some time and finally blow it all at once. Perhaps he is going through his own male-menopause issues?
I don't have much to suggest except to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I have found, for myself, that sharing every aspect of what I'm going through with my DH is useless. Not because he doesn't care but because he can't really fix it...and men often feel the need to repair and act on something and get frustrated if they are only meant to listen and comfort. I find it easier to ask my DH for a hug or to tell him what I need from him. He is better at "being there" when he knows what is to done.
Of course, we are all different so this may not work for you but thought I'd just pass it on.
Good luck.
You will get through this....so many other women have gone before us

Hopefully · 07-03-2005, 01:02 PM

I am also sorry to hear this...Kittenlover is right about men wanting to be able to fix things and if they can't fix it I think they feel weak or useless. In the beginning I also use to send my husband emails and printouts from this site and others explaining what I was going through. Despite all the information that I provided I don't think he fully understand, but he is supportive. He is there to give me a hug, hold my hand, pray for me and with me, and just let me know that he loves me despite all those delightful (NOT) perimenopausal symptoms.

I've learned to share minimum information with my hubby about how I'm feeling instead I come to this site and a few others. This has been my true support system. I have a good friend who is just now going through the same thing so now I have someone to talk with face to face, but for the longest time I believed I was the only one in my family and circle of friends having a challenging time (to put it mildly) going through perimenopause.

Here's a great big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}. This too shall pass.

littlejmb · 07-03-2005, 01:03 PM

Hi

I know what you are going thru, and you came to the right place to vent! I wish I had known about this board when I was going thru such a hard time with all my symptoms. I never even told my husband what I was going thru because he deals with plenty of issues of his own (depression, constant pain from degenerative disk disease). I tried handling it on my own, nearly going crazy with it all, until I just couldn't take it anymore. I went to my GYN in March of this year and I told him that I could take the hot flashes, night sweats, etc - but I could not stand the depression and anxiety any more, I had to get help. He suggested I try Lexapro, and I did, and I feel like a brand new person. I had tried all the natural supplements, vitamins, etc, but nothing was helping. My relationship with him has improved 100% and my outlook on life has too. I actually feel happy again

Please see your GYN and see what he/she suggests for you, ok? You owe it to yourself first and foremost to get better.

My husband was upset with me because I had not told him what I was going thru, but I told him I just didn't want to add to his problems. I guess I should have, but he just wouldn't have understood.

Hang in there, and we're here for you, just remember that!

Jackie