Handling Outbursts at Loved Ones - Menopause Message Board

sivyaleah · 12-28-2005, 02:19 PM

So, how on earth do you handle those sudden outbursts at your loved one? I'm usually relatively calm, but there are moments when my husband just pushes me to a level which I just burst from.

I always warn him it's about to happen, it's not like I can't feel the anger rising in me. So, I try and warn him

that if he continues on his path of annoyance, that I may go overboard LOL. It's almost like he's compelled to continue instead of rationally realizing that I'm giving him fair warning.

I've tried explaining to him ad naseum that there are going to be times where my temper gets the best of me, and that I do try and keep it in check but those hormones can really kick in nasty at times. I wonder if I'm supposed to apologize when this happens? I can't see spending the next few years constantly apologizing for getting annoyed at him not respecting my request to just drop something if it's getting to me at that moment in a way which is overpowering.

Do I make sense? None of this is huge stuff either, it's all nonsensical things which have nothing to do with anything. We don't argue normally about our daily existence, we luckily see eye to eye on nearly everything and we don't really have any major problems to deal with either. I've tried explaining the whole perimenopause and eventual menopause thing to him, to clue him in and have him understand and yet he just isn't getting it!

Mostly, thanks for listening but if any one has any wise words of wisdom - I could use them for this

katidid95 · 12-29-2005, 02:17 PM

It's just not fair, is it? Not fair to us for having to experience this and not fair to husbands/SO for having to be on the other end of it. My PMS got so bad about 3 years into our marriage, that my husband and I used to have big blow outs (usually over nothing!). It took us a while to realize that it was actually PMS. I'd never really experienced it before because I had been on the bcp for most of my adult life. I think we have both just learned to deal with it and know that my personality just sort of changes around that time. He knows to back off and I know to try and back off as well (though it's damn hard...) We also see eye-to-eye on just about everything and don't have big issues do deal with. I told him once that it feels like I'm "mentally insane", that I have no control over these feelings. I think it helps to actually talk about it. We've been married 10 years now and sometimes (if I'm in the right mood) we can even laugh about it.

sivyaleah · 12-29-2005, 02:29 PM

Thanks Kati, sounds like we're in the same boat

Like I wrote, these outbursts are not the norm - not daily, weekly or necessarily even monthly. It takes a lot to really make me go "insane". I remember my mom saying that sometimes she felt like "jumping out of her skin" and now, I know what she meant. We also try to talk about it, and since I'm just barely starting on this journey (I'm 46, still on BCP, so that helps) we haven't really gotten into the thick of it yet.