I am 54 year old female. I hadn't been sexually active with a man in almost 3 years. My boyfriend is 49. He at first couldn't ejaculate at all the first several times. He almost gave up, and took his doctors advise to try viagra. I encouraged him for us to give this alittle more time since we were new lovers, and both hadn't had intercourse with a lover for multiple years. He does ejaculate now, but, usually takes about 45 minutes on the average. I get frustrated, because my lubrication isn't usually effective that long, and he comments on wondering why sometimes I have enough,and other times not. We have used saliva, and some grocery store bought lubricants that have helped. But, it is distracting to me, to stop several, or more times to add more lubricant. I feel my feminine ego abit threatened. I feel it isn't my fault. If he came within 20 minutes or less, which I think is average I wouldn't be having this problem. He really wears me out. I do stimulate him both manually, and orally in foreplay. So, it's not like I am not stimulating him enough. Now, I just read on another website, that a woman in menopause can take up to 45 mins to properly lubricate. That seems like a very long time to wait for intercourse to me. I don't want to hurt his ego, I don't think my complaining about taking to long will help any, so I haven't. I'd say we have foreplay about 15 minutes on the average, isn't that usually enough for a woman to lubricate enough. Isn't 45 mins longer than average? Any suggestions?
Unfortunately you are not young anymore and your lack of hormones maybe sabataging your sex life. His too! Though sex can be satifying at our age, we expect it to be like when we were younger. That just isn't what is going to happen and you may just have to understand that getting this frustrated over it, may not be worth it. Have you tried AstroGlide? I have heard alot of good things about it. It is great that you still want to have sex and it is very healthy too. Your both not having sex for so long might be the biggest reason for the problems. The saying, "Use it or Lose it" is very true here. It is like the body forgets what to do. I think that you both need to keep trying and not expect it to be this big, wonderful sexual experience and just enjoy the other feelings, like the kissing and touching. This can help you both to relax and maybe find new ways to be intimate that doesn't wear you out.
I say enjoy it!
Hi Deals, I wish I had some insight into your situtation to be of help. I know how frustrating the sex thing can be. I am 50 on Sunday my husband turned 54 on the 14 (Valentines Day). I would say in the past 5 years he and I have only had sex a few times. He has equipment problems and until this year wouldn't admit it. He would say I was doing things to cause our difficulties. Finally 2 years ago I decide to forget about having sex with him. As I was tired of his blaming me for what was going on. That naturally doesn't help me feel any better when I am going through perimenopause and feeling fat and ugly. It seems your new guy is blaming you. I hate it when men do that. I don't think they can face what is happening to them. My husband finally got a prescription for cialas but hasn't used it yet. He's not much of a pill taker and I think he's worried as to what might happen like blindness and other side affects. It would be nice to have sex and the things that go along with it like human contact and affection. To help feel better on those gloomy days. I hope your guy will hang in there and work this out with you. It would be ashamed since both of you have found each other for it to end. Linda