When my symptoms hit hard last year, I lost about 8 lbs. According to my doctor, I am 10 lbs. underweight. Since I lost muscle during that time, I don't fill out my clothes very well. I have also noticed that my hair has gotten kind of brittle and my skin is dry. I always have had oily skin, and fortunately (knock on wood) I don't have many wrinkles (yet!). During this time of knowing that my reproductive years are ending (I just turned 52) it seems like I struggle some with a low self-esteem. We live in a "looks conscious world," and it's easy to feel like our femininity doesn't count as much at this stage of life. I am unmarried, but for those of you who are married, do you sometimes struggle with a low self-esteem, even though you have a mate? And, do you all just want to be home more often than you used to?
My aunt always said that when she "stopped turning heads," then she would worry! In other words, at the end of the day, we all want to know that we are, in fact, still FEMALE!!
Let me know your thoughts ladies, and may the Lord's blessings be on all of you today!
When my symptoms hit hard about 6 months ago, I also lost a ton of weight. I was getting so thin that it scared me. Now that I've gotten my symptoms under control a little, I've been going back to the gym and really working out with weights to build a firmer body. I find that it really helps with my self esteem.
I do find that I want to be home a lot more. I also want to be in my pyjamas and in bed, just watching tv or reading alot earlier than I used to.
I've been taking flax seed oil to help maintain good hair and skin. It really seems to be working.
You thin ladies are lucky. Try having low self esteem when you are overweight and know people are staring and talking about you! Peri makes you paranoid enough without adding all the obvious physical problems you are going thru. Acne, thinning hair, gray hair, facial flushing, brittle nails not to mention sweat pouring off you in the middle of the day when it's 20 degrees outside! It's hard to feel like crap on the inside and know you look like crap too on the outside! Our society makes sure we have low self esteem if we don't weight 120# and have flawless skin. But i guess we will still keep trying, what choice do we have?
Yes it is easy to feel bad about yourself when everyone on TV, the movies and in the magazines are young, thin and beautiful. Even the older models or TV stars (desperate housewives) look thin and fantastic.
I just try to set a goal for myself. Like trying to exercise so many days per week. I cut out eating desserts and other sweets. Some how I ended up gaining 4 pounds! I am trying to exercise more and vigorously to at least lose the 4 pounds. I can't afford to be buying larger clothes.
I'm having a hard time these days with my self esteem. I was always very slender, even after having my daughter. I have since gained alot of weight, mostly in my mid section. I don't fit into any of my old clothes and I refuse to buy newer "fat" clothes. This weight just came on in the past year and I can't lose anything. I have been eating healthy, exercising, I don't eat junk or drink soda. I can lose maybe 3 pounds just to regain it back. I feel just terrible with this bloating, along with night sweats, hot flashes, chills, etc., etc. I too am having problems with crappy looking skin when I always had such a nice complextion. I now find I don't go anywhere unless I have to. I like being home and in my sweats, I don't feel much like socializing. I never thought I would feel so bad physically or mentally. I know it could be worse, I am thankful that I am healthy, I just feel very low about all this and I hope I will feel better one day soon.
Summerblue, I feel the SAME way..... the physical changes have been almost as hard as the emotional. Hand in hand.
Whoever said they are 52 with no wrinkles-- you are VERY lucky... I have them and I am only 43
I think that since peri hit... my self esteem is the lowest it has ever been. I feel old and unattractive. Did anybody watch the Oscars? They should have had a warning posted before it started:
Any women in peri-meno should not watch this because the young, beautiful, richer than you can fathom women walking around can cause massive drop in self esteem and may produce an unpleasant sensation as your man drools over Kiera Knightly.
At 51 I am fighting wrinkles and acne at the same time! I have had several chemical peels that I think has helped some of the fine wrinkles, but the acne is still popping up on a regular basis. I have started on Retin-A, but not much help yet. Any other suggestions? Self esteem is real tough when your face looks so bad. Thanks, Ann
Well, I think maybe this is a good time for us to really evaluate the image of the ideal woman in America that we have all been sucking up over the years. Menopause brings it all home, so to speak, about the things that we value and the ultimate overall result of dedication to certain values and the resulting effect. Maybe this a why they really call it the "change." It is because you have to reinvent yourself in the absence of the special treatment that younger, more beautiful women receive. Its a shocker when you realize that no one is going to be captured by your looks ever again. Its gone. I have been at the gym all winter, and I wonder if the young people there wonder why a middle-age woman would work to hard to stay in shape. But my motivation is very different now. I want to be strong so that I can get out when the weather gets warm and ride with the bicycling club that I ride with. I also want to gain some upper body strength just because it comes in handy. I had such a puny upper body but now my arms look like Madonna's! Ah! Weights.
Talk about self esteem. I feel like crap I am 47 and experiencing perimenopausal symptoms along with dramatic weight loss and signs of aging on my face. To top that all off my husband who is six years younger than me has decided he is ready to move on after 22 years of marriage. He had an affair on me about a month ago but now he says he wants to try and make our marriage work, but I see no effort. As for turning heads I have not turned a head for quite some time now. Even when I am dressed my best no one looks at me or says anything to me.
You are really facing alot right now. I wouldn't blame yourself for your husband's affair, men like to make their wives feel like it is their fault just to make them feel better. I agree with you that at 52 I don't turn many heads anymore, but I can't expect to look like I did at 25. I try to dress nice, keep as much gray out of my hair as possible and live my life. I am so pleased to be 52, I had friends that didn't make it this far. You will have alot of living to do yet, don't let your husband's problems drag you down. Come back here for support whenever you need it. Take care, Ann
If you have thinning brittle hair and dry skin.....I guess I would have the doctor rule out thyroid problem just in case ( even though if you are thin).
As for self esteem.....it is a good feeling when we get complimented, but at this stage in my life, I'm going for being healthy and doing what I like. I also strive to learn new things and maintain friendships and cultivate new ones. Yes, I am married, but I'm not attractive to him if I'm not happy. Right now, I'm trying to get out of a depression brought on by complications from a surgery. I was 'lucky' enough to be in the rare 2% or less that get to experience it! It affected my work big time, and then to have menopause mixed in, sure doesn't help. I've been exercising for almost two years, taking multivitamins and calcium and flax seed. Trying to make sure I get out with girlfriend or two for lunch once a week. I'm looking at taking a class or two to do something different. My home business took a dive last year partly because I was somewhat disabled from the surgery complication and hiring help costs too.
When I was in my early 40's (I'm 48), I could still see myself on a good day and think "well, I'm not looking so old today". Now it seems that no matter when I catch myself in the mirror, my wrinkles just seem to be prominent enough to where I look my age. I look at young women and think, "you better enjoy your young skin because it won't last!" I feel more invisible when out in public.
Sheilasweeney: I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. You must realize that no matter what your age, your husband was the one that cheated and failed the marriage. He is the loser (in more ways than one), not you. Taking charge of your life will do more for your self esteem than getting rid of a few wrinkles.
Has anybody here used or thought about Restylane for wrinkles? I've been hearing some good things about it lately.
I don't mind being older-- I just want to look the best I can. We all do.
Kati- I also think that when we look in the mirror, we tend to hyper focus on the flaws that drive us nuts.... in reality people probably don't even notice the little things we do.
That damn bcp I was on made me lose some hair That really ticked me off. Thank God I got off it in 3 months.... the shedding has stopped now. I remember the day I was in the bathroom putting face hair removal cream on my mustache, and noticed the hair on my head look thin.... that was NOT a good self esteem day for me, lol.
sheilasweeney20 I am sorry to hear about your husband. Is counseling an option?
I'm 50 and have not had a period since January, I wish I could lose weight
I have tried eating less, walking on the treadmill but it never seems to get any less, my skin feels dry & itchy I have no desire for anything physical, it's like someone turned the light switch off, it almost feels like you have been the best you can be, I'm sure thats not true but the self esteem does seem to get low.
Sorry about the hair loss thing, but your story made me chuckle. It's so true, huh?
This discussion made me think of something my Mom told me her grandmother had told her, which is "enjoy every age". I know it's a LOT harder when you get older to focus on the positives (rather than the negatives). At least now I can afford to buy some hair dye and get my lip and chin waxed!
Please, let's not talk about society and letting it rule our life and self-exteem. Society wants women thin, beautiful and ageless. Society wants war too. Society wants racial and sexual discrimination. Society leaves Africa in debts. Society is so careless about so many things that I don't really care if the image it requires of me doesn't fit with the one I see in the mirror. I'm 52, noticing all the changes due to age, having horrible panic attacks, sweats, dizzy spells, herpes, kidney problems, mood swings....well, I guess - as a friend of mine once said - the only alternative to become old is to die young. I prefer it much more this way, menopause included, lol.
Let's talk about the experience we acquired. About the compassion we're able to feel now. About the understanding of ourselves and the others. About the light we have in our eyes, even if around them there are wrinkles. No, I don't feel that difeated. At least I don't want to. Sure, there are bad days. Horrible days. But we're here. Alive. And with a long string of years ahead us. Without periods, lol! Of course we have a burden of past years on our shoulders. But that luggage can also come handy. You can fall in love, at fifty. You can be loved, at fifty. You can start a new job. Have more time for your hobbies. Read books. And understand fully and in a complete way what you're reading. My body is different and older. My mind is more alive. And I'm alive. That is already a wonderful thought to wake up with.
"I'm not young enough to know everything". O. Wilde