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Old 08-23-2006, 11:56 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 1
despairing HB User
Re: Can we talk about husbands?

Hi, I'm new to this so bear with me please. My husband has no hobbies or interests outside work apart from watching the occasional football (UK) match and going to the pub. He is currently on a slack period at work and will help around the house, start dinner and do the weekly shop.

I enjoy my job and have other interests that I would like to spend time on but find myself doing chores around the house and spending evenings in front of the TV because my husband can't watch on his own. Even when I move to another room to do ironing or something else, he comes to find me and moans that I am not talking to him.

I am mid meno at the moment and have just had a vaginal hysterectomy. For the last couple of years I have felt that I would like to live on my own so that I can come home from work (stay late if necessary without recriminations) and do what I want to do rather than cook dinner straightaway and watch TV.

I suggest that while your husband is playing golf you find something that really interests you, then when he wants to spend time and you are doing something else he will be the one left out. Also if his clothes aren't ready and dinner on the table as he expects he may well get a little resentful or even jealous of your other interests and look at you differently. Of course this could all backfire and you both may realise that you are not really living 'together' after all.

 
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Old 08-24-2006, 10:14 AM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 160
danigirl HB User
Re: Can we talk about husbands?

First of all please understand Misty, that I know what you are going through, because I am going through perimeno as well. But I have a few suggestions for you, because my spouse is also a sports nut and loves golf. Is there a chance that on a Sunday you could go with him? This happened to us where he was going every weekend golfing with his friends. We started going early on a Sunday morning to breakfast, then we would head to the golf course, rent a cart and I would ride around with him - have some wine from the beer cart girl!! - and have a great time just being outdoors with him while he enjoyed his golf. His buddies would come along if they wanted to, and it was a great day. Maybe you could try this. There are also days when he wants to watch racing/football/hockey, etc on tv. Those times are when I would get done around the house what I wanted to do, or I'd go out shopping, for a coffee, etc. Believe me, there are worse things he could be doing than being into sports. Men need their time away and also need to get out and play the sports they love. Its a release for them from the work tension all week. I'm not siding with him, but try my suggestion and maybe go with him a couple times. I found it also boosted my mood just being outside.

 
Old 08-27-2006, 08:16 AM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Laredo,Tx
Posts: 23
icemama HB User
Re: Can we talk about husbands?

Hello to all you wise girls out there. I'm new. Please be gentle.

I've been married to a wonderful, hard working man for almost 26 yrs. He's self employed and works long hours as an insurance agent. I work 8 to 5 for a state agency. Our son,who lives with us, is 24 & working on his masters. Our daughter, 21, is a senior at a university 500 miles away.

I've been having all the dreaded menopause symptoms that you've all mentioned and then some. I'm 49 & I take Synthroid, Wellbutrin XL, & BCP. I feel that once I turned 40, my whole physical being began to change drastically. I don't normally enjoy spending too much time with my husband aside from dinner time. I cherish my precious time alone. It helps me sort all the confusion in my head.

So, when the weekend rolls around and the hubby wants to play golf with his buddies, I am very glad. It helps me get things done around the house, pay bills, and even pamper myself like doing my own pedicure and such.

I feel like the odd ball here. While most of you crave more time with your husbands, I feel that the time off from each other makes our relationship stronger. Let's face it, marriage is not like dating. After so many years, you have to give each other space & time to unwind and recoup from the daily stresses. This is just my opinion, girls. We're all affected differently by the big M.

Last edited by icemama; 08-27-2006 at 08:18 AM.

 
Old 08-30-2006, 07:48 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 249
Mistyeyze HB User
Re: Can we talk about husbands?

Oh geez.... I'm about to talk about Lexapro again, LOL

Thanks so much ladies.... I appreciate all the insights here more than I can say. Things are going better with hubs. Well, things are going better with me in general, so I guess it makes sense. I actually have a sense of appreciation for him because I know the last year and a half with me has been hell.

This whole peri/meno thing really tests us in all areas doesn't it???

 
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