Will this cloud ever lift? - Menopause Message Board

viktik · 09-28-2006, 06:58 AM

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in a while, partly because I have been feeling so bad. Ever since the perimenopause symptoms hit hard almost two years ago, I have had very few days when I have felt fairly good. Nothing in my body or my emotions is the same. I think part of the reason I have waves of depression is because as my reproductive years are ending, I have to face the fact that I am not a mom. Also, when our hormones are so "out of whack," I think it causes depression. I would just be grateful if I could feel normal again. Do any of you have days where you feel normal? Does your suffering come in waves, or is it constant some days?

I am so thankful that I work at a church and not in the "corporate world" because, with the way I feel, I don't think I could handle a lot of pressure at work.

Let me know how you are doing ladies! We are all in this together!

viktik

jitteryme · 09-28-2006, 01:55 PM

Oh Lynn, I am sorry to hear that you are still having a hard time. I'd noticed that you hadn't posted in awhile and had hoped that things were improving for you.

Have you considered talking with a psychologist about the depression and the feelings of loss over not being a mom? It might help you make peace with your situation. I've seen a psychologist in the past when dealing with the anxiety symptoms of perimenopause, and having someone to talk to really did make me feel better and gave me some solutions. While my anxiety symptoms seem to have subsided for the time being, I am having kind of a down day today and am wondering if I wouldn't benefit from a little chat with my psychologist to get me back on track. It's been nearly four months since I've seen him.

Please don't be a stranger. If you don't feel well, it does help to come here and "talk" with others who understand. And believe me, there are people here who do understand.

katidid95 · 09-28-2006, 04:21 PM

viktik:
Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I also went through a stage of feeling sad about not being a mom around age 44-45 (I'm 48 now). I really do agree you could probably benefit from some professional counseling. I think it's like grief - we all handle it in a different way. There are many things that life has to offer and there are many ways for us to give of ourselves, whether as parents or in other ways. If I want to, I can dwell on the fact that I will never be a mother and have that special bond with a child. I had/have a very close relationship with my parents (my dad is deceased) and to not be a parent myself just leaves an empty hole that will never be filled. That doesn't mean that I can't live a happy life and focus my attention on everything else.

I do think it is difficult to feel well emotionally when you don't feel well physically. I think it's a two-part plan for you to find ways to feel better physically and to seriously think about counseling.

viktik · 09-29-2006, 06:44 AM

Jitteryme and Katidid,

Thank you so much for your kind and caring responses. I had couseling a couple of years ago because of a tragedy I faced as a young girl. I do feel that I could use some more counseling, and, because of working in a wonderful church, as well as attending another, I have some great contacts. I don't dwell on the loss of motherhood, and my co-workers allow me to love their children, which is really a blessing. I have always loved little ones, so at times, the grief of not having children of my own is overwhelming, but I try to stay focused on other things, including doing things for others, and thinking of their struggles and losses.

The physical suffering of perimenopause does bring me down when I have really bad days, and I know we all are dealing with different daily symptoms. I hope you both are feeling better, and I so appreciate that you took the time to respond to me. I miss this board when I don't post for a while!

Have a very blessed day,
viktik

rmc12 · 09-29-2006, 02:11 PM

Viktik,

I empathize with you as I can have very good days and then have very bad days too. Two years ago was the worst for me and I am better than I was then for sure. At that time, the bad days were more often and lasted longer.

You are right that our hormones are out of whack so therefore our emotions run rampant. I do have many days now where I do feel normal. I am still getting periods (I am 52) . The longest stretch without it has been last year , did not get it for 4 months; and this year did not get it for 3. But for the most part they come every 25 days , this month though at day 39. It seems when I go longer without it, the moods and anxiety are worse and the symptoms in general are worse. But sometimes that is not true. Peri is unpredictable I have found!!

hang in there,

rmc