Hi, I have never posted before and would welcome some advice / thoughts please. I am in my early 40ís and my wife is a couple of years older. We have been married since our early 20ís and have a couple of kids who are late teens / early 20ís. My wife has never been comfortable showing affection and doesnít like to talk about feelings health, etc, and just gets on with her life, her usual saying is ĎI can handle ití. When she is hurt, upset etc she will keep it all inside. I am quite demonstrative and at ease showing and talking about talking about my feelings.
Obviously the sex side of a relationship changes as you move throughout your life, have kids etc. And over the years sex had become more functional and less intimate, but we still managed it a few times a month. I have also noticed that, over the last few years, she doesnít seem to deal with any hassles, (family illnesses, emotional, work etc), which really seem to drain her. A few years ago she had an erratic / fluttering heart beat and has a blood test every 6 months as she is borderline thyroid (I am not sure if itís hypo or hyper), has low blood pressure, feels the cold. I have also noticed her ageing recently. She works part time but has also taken over a more demanding job role. My teenage daughter is also very possessive of her and always wants to be with her. I am aware that people and relationships adjust as they go along but recently she seems very tired and down not her usual energetic / happy self.
When we last had sex a few weeks ago my wife didnít look happy so I sat down and had a talk with her. She said that she has absolutely no sex drive, doesnít feel like it, never thinks about it, and doesnít want it and that having no sex drive doesnít bother her. I said that maybe it would come back. She said that she doubted it and that as I obviously had a sex drive I should go and get it elsewhere. I pointed out that this wouldnít happen as I love her and still found her attractive.
She says that she loves me and wants to be married to me but canít see why sex is so important to me, and doesnít see why she has to do it. I asked her if there was someone else to which she said no and she doesnít want sex with anyone. She also pointed out that she felt totally numb inside and didnít feel any thing, she had given and given and everyone had just taken and taken from her and that she had nothing left to give. As I am anxious this has had the undesirable effect that I have become more demonstrative and keep seeking emotional reassurance from her; which of course has been making her feel pressured. Something I donít want her to be.
I love my wife and am worried about her, she just looks so run down and emotionally drawn however I couldnít suggest a health check as she would just say that there is nothing wrong with her. I am trying to get some sort of order on this. Has anyone else experienced or been in this type of situation. I would welcome any advice or ideas please if this could be the onset of menopause, thyroid, depression etc. Thank you.