lovelufc

Gosh where do I start..

I am 34 years old and have suffered with Endometriosis for 10 years. I had to have an hysterectomy early this year! I feel I have suffered for the past 10 years!.

My story is the same as most. I had suffered with very bad pains when I was about 23. I went to the doctors and was told it was just probably “women’s problems”!! I used to pass out, curl up in bed and cry in agony, missing work due to the pain and generally not able to hold a conversation for over 10 minutes without feeling some pain in my right leg, my right hand side and my right cheek on my bum. The pain was very severe. I suffered 20 days each month due to my periods lasting the 20 days. (Very light periods). I changed Doctors and eventually one said that it may be Endometriosis.. I had never heard of this. (10 year ago it was a word that was very scary and not very well known - even today it is not spoke about enough to the younger and older generation to understand what it actually is)!! I was admitted for a Laparoscopy. Here I found out that I had severe Endometriosis in my bowls, my ovaries and my womb. I was then told that at 26 I was too young for the only possible cure of Endometriosis been an Hysterectomy! Instead, I was prescribed with Tramodol tablets for 7 years!!(not a very nice drug to take 8 a day for 20 days out of month). I continued to work with taking only my holidays due as time off, even though I was not altogether there everyday due to the drowsiness and tiredness that the medication made me feel.(I did have a very understanding boss though which did help). I was admitted to hospital god knows how many times to have shots of morphine as well as my Tramodol to ease the pain. The doctor then decided enough is enough and the only cure for my pain would be an hysterectomy!(it only took him 7 years to decide that). Keyhole as well so no huge scar and a quicker recovery from the operation!! The relief I felt was unbelievable.. Anybody that heard me that day when the doctor informed me that I was to be put on the waiting list for an Hysterectomy would have thought that I had just won the lottery... as at this point the pain had got so bad that for all I cared my next door neighbor could have operated to free me from this horrendous pain!.

I had everything prepared weeks before my operation. I looked forward to spending the rest of my life free from the Endometriosis pain with my 3 amazing adorable children a girl at 14 and two boys at 12 and 6 year old and of course my gorgeous, understandable, caring husband. We were all nervous but quite excited at this new life I was going to be given as you possibly could imagine!

The hysterectomy had complications so instead of 2 hour operation which was discussed it ended up being a 7 hour operation but still it was done and now my time was to have no pain, no tablets and now maybe just maybe I can now live a normal life..... How wrong could I possibly have been!!!!!

What happened next scares me more than anything...

I was left with just one ovary so I was told it could be years before my body may hit the menopause. I had my operation in April 2007, I am here now just 5 months on crying my eyes out because I don't know who I have become. I feel so fed up that I have just suffered all them years with pain and the operation that I thought would have been life changing has just knocked me for six!.

Is this the menopause??
There are so many questions in my head, let me give you some examples how I feel nearly every day.
Why do I feel tired ALL the time?
Why am I such a cow to all my family?
Why am I all of a sudden jealous?
Why do I suddenly feel as though every is talking about me?
Why does my husband seem to leave me out of conversations?
Why do I feel fat?
Why do I feel ugly?
Do I look grey?
Have I got more wrinkles?
Why do I cry all the time?
What is these aches in my body for no reason?
Why can I not remember anything anymore?
Where has my concentration gone?
Am I too old to go out to a nightclub?
Is my husband going off me?
Does he find me still sexy?
Why does he not pay me any more attention?
Does he even love me?
Who is controlling me?
What is this black cloud following me?
Why do I shout all the time?

I HATE ME I AM NO GOOD FOR ANYONE!!

I went to the doctors started crying as soon as I tried to tell him how I felt, although I felt such an idiot like he thought I was cracking up and ready to put me in a padded cell. He was very actually very understanding and seem to recognize what my problem was and did not even looked shocked at this silly woman sat in his surgery crying to a complete stranger. He prescribed me on Premarin, He has also taken some blood from me and hopefully I will get my results back in one week!. But how long does this HRT take to work, I have taken it for a week so far, I cant say I have noticed a difference in me or my body. Maybe it’s too early to notice anything as I still feel like I am attached to these strings that somebody who does not like me is controlling everything I do.

Is all this “NORMAL”??

The last thing I thought I would be doing 5 month on from my Hysterectomy is writing on a forum asking for help on the Menopause! I was hoping to go on a forum and give advice to anyone who may have asked for support with Endometriosis.. Maybe my life was meant to have these problems. I just feel that I do not want to be taking tablets for the rest of my life to have a “normal life”!!!

I hope that anyone that may understand or even been through what I am going through may find it in their heart to maybe support me through this. I would appreciate all advice that could be given to me right now. I feel very low and found that this forum has been great for helping me see that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel waiting for me.

I would like to end this saying a massive thanx to my husband, My three amazing children who have all helped me so much and are very persistent and patient with me. My mum has also been there for me. The support I have had from my family is amazing and I feel very lucky that I have them around me.

Thanx for taking your time to read this.